Return to Normalcy
by Juan Milagro
Summary: Ranma & Co. slog home from China after the horrifying battle at Jusendou. This is a take on what happened to them after their return to Japan and the failed wedding of Akane and Ranma. It will not be what you expect.
1. Chapter 1

_This piece of fanfiction is set post Volume 38 after the failed wedding of Ranma and Akane. Please do not offer any comment regarding timing or schedule, because that is the Ranma 1/2 series greatest weakness. There simply is no way to know how long Ranma and his kin have been staying at Tendo-ke, neither is the number of days their adventurous trip to China took. If you have a problem with the time line of this story, call it an alternate universe story, or just ignore the story altogether and read something written by someone else._

 **WARNING! THIS STORY DOES HAVE ADULT CONTENT.**

 _There is clearly some OoC in this story, but I have a different understanding of the characters in Ranma 1/2 than most other readers have, so you are hereby forewarned. I think that the largest changes I have made to the standard characterizations are to Kasumi and Nabiki; these changes from the usual perception are likely to grind on the nerves of the exceptionally sensitive. You are advised to consider what Takahashi-sensei has said in her interviews about the Tendo and Saotome clans; issued in her chart of who is in love with whom, while ignoring what she has said about Ranma's sexuality. There is contradictory evidence to what I feel were her commercially motivated claims about Ranma's sexuality in the published story._

 _I have made slight changes to the influence of a Jusenkyou curse. The curses now have slightly greater influence on the minds and thinking of its victims than it did in the original story. In my carefully considered opinion, hormones are all but impossible to ignore no matter what the source of those hormones is, be the source from your genes or from a magical curse. Hormones are hormones and that is all there is to it. The influence of hormones for most people is both subtle and powerful and very few folks are able to recognize those influences prior to age fifty._

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 **Return to Normalcy Chapter 01: Return from Jusendou  
**

Saotome Ranma turned eighteen on his way home from the Battle of Jusendou. He, his father, Genma, and his fiancée,Tendou Akane, traveled together. Hibiki Ryoga, no surprise here, got lost on the way back to Japan. They lost track of him during the first week of the trip.

The trip home was pleasant at first. They were eager to go home and glad to turn their backs on the confusing horror of China. Jusendou, which fed the springs of Jusenkyou, where Ranma and his frenemies had acquired their curses, had been a horrifying place. Even worse, heavy rains came and flooded running all of the springs together into a single lake. This made for some very dangerous swimming. Ranma, his father and even Shampoo, were denied their cures. The springs had formed a lake with waters which bore every curse found at Jusenkyou. You could go in as a human and then clamber ashore as hideous and dying chimera. The curses one could acquire at Jusenkyou were easily blended and several combinations of them were not remotely viable. Ranma was brave, not stupid, besides, he had finally decided that he could live with his curse. He had learned that being female had some very distinct advantages over being male.

The guide assured them that the water would eventually go down, and that the springs would return to their ordinary virulence shortly after that happened, but it would take a month or so for the springs to normalize themselves. Ranma's little impromptu expedition did not have a month. It would take them a month or so just to reach the coast. They had no choice but to turn their backs on the place and head for home.

They were footsore and weary by the time they left the Bayankala mountains. They were also starving, being short on both money and lacking favors from the locals. In fact, the locals themselves were scrounging for every calorie they could get their hands on. China was still a nation of want in those days. The trip home to Japan was miserable and seemingly interminable, but they survived it once again.

By the time they reached the port of Tsingtao on the eastern seaboard of China, Ranma knew right down to his bones that he would never go back to Jusenkyou. It was an awful place; he was as done with it as he could get. There is nothing like a prolonged hardship to make one fully appreciate a so-called curse. He decided he needed to focus on the good parts of his aqua-transexuality, rather than its drawbacks. Not only was it for the best, it was now necessary insofar as he was concerned. China had never been anything but a source of misery for him and his.

He and Akane would simply have to learn to live with his sex changes. If she could not tolerate his bouts of being female, then she would simply have to marry someone else. He knew right down to his bones that Akane would be unable to find a more manly husband than himself. He did not know of anyone able to kill an entity like Saffron as he had.

"Femboy I ain't!" He muttered half aloud. "Taro wouldna lasted a minute in that fight."

An achingly tired Akane responded with a puzzled stare. After a moment of staring into his eyes, Ranma could see that she decided not to dispute his claim. They kept trudging toward the coast.

The trip across the Sea of Japan was rougher than usual. Everyone on the ship, including the most seasoned members of its crew, got seasick. Ranma was never so glad to leave a ship in all of his young life as he had been when the ancient tramp steamer docked in Fukuoka harbor. He and his companions were so eager to go ashore that the crew had to wave them off the handrails. They were about to jump onto the dock-an illegal act-which was also dangerous to normal people. Even though Ranma and his party were anything but normal physically, the sight of security guards the first thing that dissuaded them. Even Akane could have withstood the puny nine meter drop onto the pavement without so much as spraining an ankle, but the crew became very irate; Genma advised them to not be so eager as to cause trouble for themselves. Even though Ranma decided that his sleazy father had made a good call, not taking that jump had been one of the most difficult things he had ever done.

Once ashore, Akane telephoned Nabiki who in turn wired them the money buy tickets for the Tokaido Shinkansen back to Tokyo. The only thing that Ranma found discomforting about that was their fellow passengers were wearing their Sunday best, while Ranma and his companions were wearing clothing that was much the worse for wear. Their clothing had taken a hard beating from the exposure they had suffered in the remote rural regions of China. They looked like a group of tramps among wealthy people on that train.

As short as the trip between Fukuoka and Tokyo on the Shinkansen train is, Ranma felt like it was yet anther interminable trip and his stomach growled and grumbled the entire time. So did the stomachs of his father and Akane. No one of the three had been able to get the amount of food they needed for some ten weeks. Ranma, for his part, very much regretted not being able to stop off in Busan for _dongnae pajeon_ , the Korean version of seafood okonomiyaki.

Busan's style of okonomiyaki had great quantities of green onions in them-he smacked his lips and his mouth watered as he sat back and dreamed about them. To his utter amazement,Nodoka, Nabiki and Kasumi were waiting for them when the Shinkansen stopped at its Tokyo station. He was so happy to see them that he nearly squeezed them to death. He was also very happy to see that Kasumi and his mother had fetched along great hampers loaded down with food.

Ranma, his father and Akane wolfed down food from the main station all the way out to Nerima. Ranma was so full that he appeared to be pregnant-so was Akane-yet the three of them were still hungry. It had been that rough of a trip. Ranma was so happy be home where he could get as much food as he could eat that he broke down into tears-as did his father and Akane. The three of them were thrilled beyond words.

Much to his dismay, however, his mother and father had plotted with Soun Tendou to force him and Akane to marry within a single week of their return from China-which was well before he and Akane could recuperate from their excessively torturous trip. He and Akane were still very badly rattled from the horror of what had happened.

Ranma considered that particular trip to be almost as bad as the Nekko-ken training had been. In fact, he rated it just short of being that bad and that is saying something, given the level of his ailurophobia. The overall level of torment had been higher, but not as intense as the Nekko-ken training. He and Akane needed several more weeks to recuperate, but no, their parents insisted on throwing a wedding for them, even though neither he nor Akane were ready to be married, physically, mentally or emotionally.

It all ended in tears, of course. Nabiki had invited all of Ranma's betrothed, both real and imaginary, to the affair. It turned out to be a formal brawl rather than the Western style wedding the ceremony was intended to be. Shampoo and Ukyou both threw explosives around. Kuno Tatewaki, actually drew steel on Ranma. Kuno Kodachi had arrived wearing a black wedding dress. Happosai drank what he thought was sake, but was actually water from the Spring of Drowned Man. The explosives caught the dojou on fire and burned most of it and gave Ranma a concussion.

He woke up in the wreckage of the dojo wondering what had happened. What he could remember after several days effort did not make him happy in any way. In fact, it left him speechless with anger. He had a feeling of outrage that bordered on what he might have felt if a gang had managed to hold down his girl-half and raped her. Every time he thought about it, he gritted his teeth so hard that it gave him a headache. He consumed so much willow bark tea every day that his stomach rebelled. He discovered a day later that aspirin would give him such sever heartburn as well. He was obliged to switch to acetaminophen to kill his pain.

The only good thing to come out of it was that he and Akane started to get along better, but that was a case of her joining up with him against the rest of the family-especially Genma and Nodoka, but Soun and Nabiki as well. Even Kasumi, to a much lesser extent, became an opponent in the struggle. Truth be told, she never liked Ranma or any of the other members of his family. He did not blame her because he could not. His father was a worthless layabout and his mother was touched in the head.

Kasumi was both a Christian and a Buddhist, which in Japan, meant that she was a Catholic and a Buddhist. She did not approve of her own family or the way they made their living. She certainly wanted nothing to do with Ranma and his family, but she was determined to play the hand Divine Providence had dealt her. She was a stoic at heart, but she could only be pushed just so far, and the failed wedding proved to be the final straw for her.

She had started allowing her disapproval show through her saintly facade. She still cooked and cleaned, but she no longer hesitated to let the occupants of her home know what she thought of them. They were sinners all, and Ranma, he came to realize, was one of the worst in her eyes. He did not really understand why at first, but that is what she considered him to be. She let him know about it in no uncertain terms numerous times.

Kasumi also gave Akane a bad time whenever she felt ruffled. Ranma decided that it was inevitable that she would have run out of patience with everything that happened at Tendo-ke. After all, so many outrageous and bad things had happened during the two years he had been there that even the neighbors were given to talking about the sad state of the Tendou demesne. This embarrassed the entirety of the household, Tendo and Saotome alike.

Add on to all of this the fact that he and Akane had missed almost twelve weeks of school-without having given prior notice or even making arrangements of any kind-their Chinese misadventure had cost them an irreplaceable year of schooling-something that was literally unforgivable in Japan. Ranma finally figured out that it was Akane's academic loss was what really set Kasumi off.

In Japan, the mother of the family is expected to see to it that their children do well in school. Kasumi had given up her own education to look after her two sisters. Now, thanks to Ranma and his furry oaf of a father, Akane was about to fail her second of three years in high school. The Japanese school system was not set up to accommodate students who failed to attend class. They were expected to show up on time, work hard and do well. Those who fell behind were allowed to quit and get by on their own as best they could. Falling behind on schoolwork was a seen by everyone with any self-respect as a disaster. He and Akane were so far behind that not even the harshest of private cram schools or, "juku," could help them overcome such a lengthy absence.

In educational terms, both of them were now on a reef of sharp rocks. Both of them would be ronin-or worse-part of the two percent of Japanese society who never graduated from high school at all. This was a hell of a note for a young man of eighteen to be dealing with. Not only was his education about to be cut off, that of his fiancée was about to be chopped off at the ankles. Even worse, it was most definitely _his_ fault.

As far as Kasumi was concerned, this was all Ranma's responsibility to fix; she had a fair argument. This was, Ranma had to admit, a situation that could not be to tossed off lightly. Akane's education was something he held himself accountable for, but Kasumi's derision did not help matters one bit. He decided that it was time to rethink his and Akane's future. What to do? He had no clue and he was not about to go to his father or even his prospective father-in-law with that kind of question. Nabiki would have to do; he desperately hoped that she could point him and Akane in the right direction.

He knocked at Nabiki's door. "Come in, Ranma-kun."

"How did you know it was from me?"

"From the way you knock on a door, of course. Why the long face?"

"Because your sister and I have a problem that I cannot figure out how to solve."

"Oh, really? When did you figure that out?"

"Today at school."

"Hmph! No surprise there. What did they tell you?"

"That I should start looking for a construction job or something."

"That is undoubtedly good advice, but you are not a member of a union, are you?"

Ranma shook his head. "No, I'm not and I don't know anyone who is a member of a union either."

"See what happens when you stick your head up?"

"You get hammered."

"In Japan you do. This country is not made for people like you, Ranma. Now you know why your father created the Umisen-ken technique."

"I can't see myself making a living as a thief."

"Me either. All I can see is you going to jail for thievery-or something worse."

Ranma sat down on the floor and started rubbing his forehead with his fingertips. Nabiki threw her cold coffee on him forcing him to become a girl. "You could make a living as a hostess, you know."

"Don't tempt me."

Nabiki broke out in raucous laughter. After her paroxysms subsided she asked. "I thought you hated being a girl?"

"I decided that I could live with it while I stood in the rain watching the springs of Jusenkyou run together into one big lake. I am comfortable with the idea of being a part-time girl now."

This made Nabiki blink. "Have you said anything about your acceptance to Uncle Genma or Dad?"

"Are you crazy? Sometimes I think that the best thing I can do for Akane is to pretend that my curse is locked and runaway with Ukyou."

"With Ukyou?"

"Well, at least she's a friend of mine-or was a friend. I think that Konatsu is finally starting to make headway with her now, though."

"Hot damn, Ranma-kun. You are desperate, aren't you?"

"I am running out of time, Nabiki! There is so damned little of it left that I don't know what to do. The bad part of it is, Akane is in the same exact jam. If it was just me I would blow off the whole thing, but it isn't just me. I want to find work, so I can at least help Akane pay for cram school. Which is really what she needs right now."

"Now you know why I blew the wedding up."

"Yes, I do, but it got completely out of hand, Nabiki-chan."

"I agree. It did get out of hand. I did not count on the madness of the social circle we happen to be in. I apologize."

"Okay, but it's time to move on. We've gotta do something about getting Akane through school."

"Have you discussed this with Akane?"

"No, why?"

"Because, we can find a way to pay for it all. You could work twenty hours a day and I could scheme and scam every dime to be made from here to Juuban, but it would all be for naught if Akane is not interested in schoolwork."

"If she could just learn bookkeeping that would help," Ranma said. "Then she could help me keep the dojo in the black at the very least."

"That's based on the assumption that you two eventually marry."

"You're right about that. I don't even know if she still wants to marry me or not, let alone help me run a martial arts school."

"You need to focus on the art of self-promotion if you are going to succeed at running a school, Ranma. Daddy never bothered and you see where we are now. He and Genma are living under the delusion that you and Akane will sort it all out for them."

"Gee thanks, Nabiki. That's just what I needed-more pressure."

"Them's the breaks, kiddo."

"Damn Shit-daddy's eyes! He got me into this situation."

"Yes, I agree with you on that, Ranma. He and my father should have done a lot more to prepare you for all of this, but they haven't. They simply fly by the seat of their pants. Each day is a completely new day for them. They have made a habit of living without a reference to the immediate past. To them, today has no connection to yesterday and no connection to tomorrow. It's just get up and do whatever you need to do to get by that day."

"And that has gotten all of us where we are now."

"Yeah, but remember this, Ranma. You gotta start where you stand. If you don't like where you are, pick a direction and start moving that way."

"Spoken like a true martial artist, Nabiki-san," Ranma replied in a dry tone of voice. "I wonder how you picked that up?"

"I never said that the martial art is not useful, it just isn't popular enough to be self-sustaining. You will have to hold down a job of some kind while you take on students."

Ranma found himself making an ugly face. "What makes you say that?"

"Hah! Just look around you Saotome-kun. Do you see any men who look like they practice martial arts? This is Nerima, a place famous for its martial artists, yes?"

"Yeah, so?"

"What percentage of the population here do you think actually practices the art?"

Ranma was stumped by this question. After some thought he answered, "I'm guessing something like five percent."

"Not even close, Ranma-kun. It's more like one half of a percent. In the rest of Japan that number drops even further. Nerima is the exception, not the rule."

Ranma opened his mouth to respond, but Nabiki held up her hand for silence.

"How many of Daddy's students ever earned a black belt?"

Ranma had to think about this for a while. The purists disliked giving out tokens of accomplishment in the art. Most of them wore white belts until they had accomplished something significant, but that was a poor match for those who wanted to know for a fact that they were making progress in their studies. "I don't know, ten?"

"Try two."

Ranma felt his heart fall into the pit of his stomach as Nabiki continued.

"The turnover rate for students this day-in-age is horrendous. If the school starts with thirty students at the beginning of a given month, it will be lucky to have two left at the end of that same month. Over the course of the years, it gets worse and even more demoralizing. People lose their jobs; they move; they get divorced; they get married; just about any excuse is enough to encourage them to quit studying the Art, and who can blame them? Learning the Art is so damned repetitive that it gets boring after a mere week."

Ranma shook his head at this because he knew that Nabiki was speaking from long hard experience. "Why did you quit?"

"I decided that I liked boys-boys tend to shy away from a girl who can kick their asses with one hand tied behind her back. I have warned Akane about that repeatedly."

Ranma's face showed his feelings.

"The real trouble with the art is that we no longer need it, Ranma. It isn't necessary to our survival the way it was prior to the Meiji Restoration. It just isn't!"

"Well if you could provide enough motivation ..."

"Oh, sure! Start a war just to make your school profitable."

"I wasn't thinking about it that way. There are the police and the..."

"Soldiers don't need extensive training now-a-days. They rely on their rifles and machine guns. The cops have their own schools run by their unions. That leaves the intelligence agencies and good luck getting into that market. Daddy tried for years and he got no where."

"So, your saying that the school itself will lose money."

"No, I am saying that you will have to work your ass off everyday to make it pay. Your turnover in students will be quite high. You will have to go out of your way to make friends with and be an influence on your students, that's all."

Ranma felt a cold wind pass through his soul and then run up his back. He was not all that good at making friends under the best of circumstances, let along being friends with a person that he had to teach. His opinion of his teachers at Furinkan went up by several points, whereas before today, he had looked upon them as his opponents. Now he was obliged to consider them as colleagues. "It's not fair."

"Life is never fair, Saotome-kun. You of all people should know that by now."

"Oh, I know, but here I am having worked my ass off for years to master the Art and learn everything I can know about it and making it worthwhile comes down to things that are completely unrelated."

"In a way, this is partially mine and Kasumi's fault as well."

"Huh?"

Nabiki shrugged her shoulders. "Had she or I decided to marry you, matters would have been very different. Kasumi does not have the head for business that I do, but she is the most community oriented of us three. You could have counted on her to keep a steady stream of students coming into the dojo. Had it been me, you would have been far better off because of my skill with money, but that is not what happened. We stuck you with Akane. She is so much like you that she can't cover your weak spots. The two of you have the same strengths and weaknesses. There's no way you can cover for each other."

"So how did your Dad get by while your Mom was still alive? Didn't they live off of the dojo?"

"Sure they did, but Mom was so much like Kasumi now that you would not have believed it."

"Wait, you said Kasumi is now. She wasn't always like she is now?"

Nabiki shook her head. "No. She was a lot more outgoing and carefree before Mother died. She only became obsessed with housework and our educations after Mom was buried."

Ranma visibly winced as he felt his moral sag even further. _What have me and Shit-daddy done? Why did Tendou-san agree to take the old man and me in? Did he not realize that he was bringing destruction down on his entire house? Why are we still here? How could he do such a thing to his own daughters?_ A sharp pain in his right shin brought him out of his plunging reverie.

"Yo, Saotome, Don't go there, man. Come back to the land of the living."

"Sorry, Nabiki. I was just doing some long overdue thinking."

"What do you mean, Saotome?"

"I'm wondering why creeps like Pop and me are doing here, that's what."

Nabiki howled at the heavens with her laughter. She even started hooting the way Kodachi always had. Just as Ranma began to fear that Nabiki had lost her mind, she stopped abruptly and wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes.

"Welcome to reality, Saotome-kun."

"It's not really all that pleasant, is it?"

"No, but it _is_ funny."

"I don't see how you can laugh at this, Nabiki-chan," Ranma said in an aggrieved voice. "Had it been me, you and your father would have been long gone."

"No we wouldn't. If our roles were reversed, you would have been a woman and unable to oust us, just like I have been unable to oust you two."

Ranma was now seeing his father and himself through the eyes of the Tendou daughters and he did not like what he saw. The vision plunged him into the depths of yet another horrific guilt trip.

"Oh, don't make such a long face, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said in a cheery voice. "It isn't your fault. I can't even blame that worthless patch of fur you call a father for this mess. It's all Daddy's fault. He is fascinated with the vision of the combined _"Anything Goes School of Martial Arts"_ that he can't see or even think of anything else."

"It's not worth the price..."

"Speak up, Ranma-kun. I couldn't understand what you said."

"I said it's not worth price we paid," Ranma all but shouted. "It certainly wasn't worth the price I paid when I endured the Nekko-ken training."

"Well, I have to disagree with you there, Ranma. On the face of it, it is not such a terrible idea. I mean, who wouldn't love to go to a school where all the best techniques are used and taught? No one, right? Well, no one who is serious about martial arts at least."

"Okay, but look at where we all are now! Good techniques are not supposed to bring misery on the people who know them. They are supposed to make earning a living possible."

"Oh, really? How do you think that they do such a thing?"

"I don't know the answer to that. I mean, I have been going along all this time expecting Shit-daddy to explain what it was all about, but he never has!"

"Open your eyes, Ranma. Sniff the wind and then tell me what you senses are saying to you. What do you do when you hafta have money fast?"

This brought Ranma up short. The real answer was that he would steal money when he absolutely had to have it. The world abounded with nogoodniks, and they were his chief prey, but he never robbed anyone within Nerima proper. He was always careful to go to other Tokyo districts to do that sort of dirty work. Genma had cautioned him against _"Shitting in his own mess kit."_ Ranma said as much through clenched teeth.

"What was that again, Saotome-kun? I didn't quite understand what you said."

"I go out and rob somebody who deserves to be robbed. That's what I do."

"By deserving to be robbed you mean..."

"I mean that they got their money by robbing other people. Usually they're just street thugs with little to no training. Most of 'em rely on knives and clubs. None of that kind are eager to talk with the police so they don't ordinarily turn me in."

"Uh-huh."

Ranma had to think about the look that Nabiki was giving him for a minute before he thought the matter all the way through.

"You mean...that Shit-daddy and your old man have been..."

Nabiki did not answer verbally, but she gave Ranma a very sunny smile.

"How could they have been..."

"Well, not all of what they do is as honest or honorable as what you have done, Ranma-kun. Stolen panties are a growth industry in Japan. Happosai makes tons of money off of his silky darlings."

"You gotta be shittin' me!"

Nabiki shook her head. "Not one single gram, Saotome."

"Aw, man!"

"It gets worse. Happosai cases the places where Daddy and Panda-man intend to pull jobs as he runs around stealing panties. For him, the panties are merely targets of opportunity. The serious money is in the other stuff his two middle-aged students steal."

"Such as?"

"Oh, they repossess luxury automobiles, fast boats and yachts. Even airplanes on occasion. When they're doing that, they spot other stuff to steal that they never turn over to an insurance company or bank."

"Airplanes?" Ranma practically screamed the question at Nabiki. "Which of them knows how to fly?"

"I think you call him 'Shit-daddy' more often than not."

"My old man knows how to fly?" Ranma felt his eyes widen. Nabiki was visibly amused.

"Oh, yes. He's a pilot. Not a particularly daring pilot, but he can get the job done."

"Now I know why he...That bastard! Please explain why I'm the one feeling guilty. You keep the books for all of this, don't you?"

Nabiki gave Ranma a cat-got-the-canary grin for an answer.

"Then please explain to me why it is so important that the Art be taught by Akane and me? Why should we be burdened with the honest living part of the deal?"

"Innocence is a lot like virginity, Saotome-kun. Once you have lost it, it's gone forever. So long as you have it, remains a salable virtue."

Ranma had trouble making a logical connection between virginity and the necessity for he and Akane to run the dojo. "So Akane and I are virgins and that means we are the ones who...Oh, wait a minute. This doesn't have anything to do with sex, does it?"

"Not really, no. It has to do with the baby blue eyes in your dewy pink souls, Ranma-kun. You and Akane are well above suspicion. Neither of you have ever been on police radar. The old men, however, are a different story. So long as the two of you are innocent of violating the law-barring traffic violations and property damage-then you are pretty much home free."

"I don't get it. How were you guys making a living before Pops and I showed up?"

"We were living off the biggest score that Happosai and his merry band of two ever pulled off. Happosai got greedy-or maybe Daddy and Genma got greedy-and that's how the ancient panty thief got sealed up in a cave for all those years. That was just shortly before your Dad married your mother-so far as I can tell from the records I found in the attic."

"Let's see, that would mean that the Saotome clan was prosperous at one time, but it didn't last even as Pops took me out on the road for a yamagomori that lasted for ten years. When we came here, you guys were struggling to make ends meet, right?"

"Bingo, Ranma-kun. Ya see, it isn't what you make, it's what ya save that matters. Daddy and Furball had some investments go south on 'em and living expenses have eaten up what remained of that big score. Happosai came out of hiding just in time to save our assets."

Ranma really and truly did not like hearing this.

"My, what an ugly face, Ranma-kun. You look just like that when you sit down at the dinner table."

Ranma gave out a snort of disgust. "I don't like bein' beholden to that lecherous old fart, is all!"

"He does have his uses, you know."

"So I'm beginning to learn, Nabiki-kun." Ranma paused to shiver. "But that don't change nothin'. My skin wants to crawl right offa my body just the same."

"Well, it does make me want to get a quick bath, so why don't we discuss something more constructive?"

"Let's take a break. I need time to rethink some stuff."

"Okay, Ranma-kun. I'll be right here when your done. I'm not going anywhere until after I have taken my finals."


	2. Chapter 2: The Meeting at Callahan's

**Return to Normalcy**

 **Chapter 02: The Meeting at Callahan's**

While Ranma and Nabiki were having their heart to heart talk at Tendo-ke, the senior males had gathered up at place called Callahan's Place. Callahan's was a long way off from everything on Earth, yet it was right down the street if you really needed it.

Happosai had taken a liking to the place and its piano player, Fast Eddie, who had done more covers of Billy Joel's _Piano Man_ that night than Happosai liked. He thought _Piano Man_ was too sappy and sad of a tune for place like Callahan's, but them's the breaks. Fast Eddied always played what the customer's wanted. The real problem with Callahan's was that Mike Callahan only accepted American money, and any coins you spent had to be ninety percent silver which, by the time of this visit, had become painfully scarce; The US stopped minting silver coins by 1963 and they stopped printing silver certificates in 1964. Happosai expected Mike Callahan to close shop once the honest money ran out. _I'll miss this place after it closes, but I won't weep for it. I've seen thousands of good bars and inns close during my three hundred years. Callahan's will be just another fond memory._

Right now though, Callahan's was still in business and it was well worth trouble of raiding his hoard of rare American coins and bills, because it was such a great place to plot things out. Snooping inside Callahan's was strictly forbidden. Fast Eddie was swift silent and handy with a sap, and snoopers invariably woke up in the alley knowing that snooping on anyone in Callahan's Place was a big no-no. Not only did they wake up with a prize winning headache, they could never find Callahan's Place again. Privacy here was better than what Happosai could have had in a government built SCIF.

As was usually the case, Soun had problems with their next job. Happosai could not see the problems with it, while Genma was too cautious to get beyond the planning stages. It was a wonder that the trio actually ever made any of their plans work out at all. It is likely that if it were not for Happosai, they would have done nothing but sit in a corner and quiver. On the other hand, thanks to the caution of Soun and Genma, they almost never got caught by the law.

"I'm tellin' you two that the boy is entirely too valuable to be married to one woman." This was a claim that Happosai reiterated for something like the twentieth time that evening. "Soun, you should be encouraging all of your daughters to bed him."

Soun responded by rolling his eyes. "My daughters are not the compliant females of your era, Master."

Genma grunted. "Ranma's curse makes him identify with women anyway. I doubt he would allow more than one to pillow with him. Sooner or later, he will make up his mind about which one he likes and then he'll get her pregnant."

"Hmph! You'd think that a man among men would have many children by the time he made eighteen."

Genma gave an exasperated growl.

"Master, what is so important about Ranma's descendants?" Soun asked.

Happosai felt the adrenaline surge out into his extremities. "They'll rule the world, you damned fool!"

Genma rolled his eyes at that statement.

"They will, you wait and see," Happosai said. "It would be especially good if he would get Nabiki pregnant. Not only does she have a good head on her shoulders, she's cold and hard-hearted; just whatcha need to get by with style in this nasty old world."

"Well, Master, your plans are not going to accomplish anything with my three daughters. All you are managing to do is to make them angry with the boy," Sound said. His exasperation was evident in his voice and face.

Happosai was suddenly furious; he shouted, "You two just don't get it, do ya? Can't you see what we are? We're hornets! We prey on predators, just like hornets prey on other predatory bugs. We make it possible for the honeybees to do well and flourish. If we left it up to the cops, the whole word would just fall apart at the seams. We're in a high risk business! We hafta replace our numbers plus some more."

Soun and Genma both sighed aloud. _They've both heard me give this speech before, but I don't care if they're bored with it. I gotta get it through their thick skulls,_ Happosai thought.

"Try to understand, Master," Genma said. "Soun's daughters have minds of their own. Ranma is cursed to be female about half the time, maybe more. Those conditions don't exactly make for healthy sex lives."

"Hmph!" Happosai snorted as he crossed his short little arms across his chest. "Akane is about half a boy without being cursed."

Soun and Genma both gave their diminutive elder exasperated stares. After a moment of Happosai keeping his stone visage set during prolonged silence, Soun started talking.

"The Chinese girl, Shampoo, is hot to trot for the boy, but he doesn't seem to have a real interest in her," Soun said and gave his head a shake. He paused to to give Happosai time to answer, but Happosai just gave him a cold stare instead of saying anything. Soun cleared his throat before continuing. "He lacks any sexual interest in the Kuonji girl as well-I think perhaps it's her androgynous appearance."

"Don't forget that Ranma believed her to be a boy when they were both mere gakki," Genma interjected. "He still thought she was a boy when she showed up here in Nerima."

Soun added. "As matters stand, we have too few resources to accomplish the goals you want."

 _Man what a pair of losers!_ Happosai thought. _I wonder why I picked them to be my students? Oh, that's right. They were easily cowed into doing whatever I wanted them to do._

"What about that little rich bitch?" Happosai asked in an irritated voice. "What's her name? Kodachi! What about her?"

Soun and Genma both shuddered and then threw up their hands in with disgust written on their faces.

"May as well forget both of the Kuno's, Master. Ranma can't stand either of them." Genma's voice like distant thunder.

Happosai was not deterred. He kept his face in its cast-in-concrete mode, knowing full well that his two students had seen him in such a mood many times before. He sat and watched until their defiance sagged and fell off of their faces.

"Dammit!" Happosai shouted. Dammit, guys! "We gotta do sumthin' and we gotta do it soon. How can we go about changing these kids' motivations? What if we were to douse the girls with water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man?"

Soun and Genma both froze in place. Fear written into their very postures. _Now they're afraid I might actually do it,_ Happosai thought, _and I just might. It ain't all that bad of an idea.  
_  
After a prolonged silence, Genma spoke up. "I don't know that such a thing would work all that well. We are not dealing with predictable machines, Master, but women. Such a massive change in their bodies would likely twist their twisted minds even worse than usual for women."

"It might help Akane get past her loathing for boys, right?" Happosai asked.

"It could just as easily make it impossible for her to take a pee," Soun said, "but there is no way to know for certain what her reaction might be. She might suddenly become even more suspicious of boys after she becomes one herself."

"Soun's right, Master," Genma interjected in his best grinding boulders voice. "Akane would doubtless take months to reconcile herself to her curse. Ranma is the single most adaptable young man I have ever seen and it took him almost two years to become comfortable with being a-a-girl."

"Hah! If you ask me it took _you_ that long to get used to the idea, Genma," Happosai said. "Ranma got used to his curse right after he discovered that there were situations where girls get special treatment."

Genma and Soun both visibly bridled at this. _They both know that I'm right about Ranma,_ Happosai thought. He waited in silence for their defiance to fade again.

"At any rate, Akane ain't been raised the same way that you raised your boy, has she, Genma?" Happosai asked. His eyelids were drooped so that he was peering out at Genma through mere slits. It was his sly and crafty face. "I say we throw some drowned-man-water on her and see what happens."

Soun immediately became outraged and used his Demon's Head attack on his ancient master. Happosai merely snickered and snapped his fingers. Soun was immediately deflated.

"That trick only works after you have your bluff in on your opponent, boy! Now behave and answer my questions. Do you think it would hurt Akane to be a male once in a while?"

Genma frowned very hard. It was an exceedingly frightening thing to behold, but Happosai had seen more than one irate face during his long life.

"I think that being a genuine male would likely delight the Kuonji girl, Genma said. "Akane might-as in just maybe-be pleased. Certainly her punches would become far more powerful. I have no doubt that Nabiki would very quickly learn to take full advantage of such a curse. For her, it would be a blessing, but how on earth could even you consider inflicting such a fate on sweet little Kasumi?"

Happosai demonstrated his callousness with a loud snort. "She's not nearly so sweet and innocent as she lets on, you gullible panda!" Happosai gave out a nasty laugh. "No one is as sweet and innocent as she pretends as she pretends to be."

"Master! You should be giving her credit for doing her best to live up..."

"Yes, I know, Soun. She goes to that bloomin' church every Sunday. She even attends a lot of Buddhist ceremonies, but that doesn't make her a saint."

"No, simply attending religious ceremonies does not do such a thing, but living up the standards they set will make a saint of a person! Kasumi has come close to doing that for years now," Genma said with more than a little heat.

Happosai twisted his face into a wry look and spat on the floor. "All right, we leave sweet little Kasumi out of the experiment. She despises the ground Ranma walks on anyway."

This took both Soun and Genma visibly aback.

"What makes you say that, Master?" Soun spluttered.

"Yeah, what makes you say that?" Genma asked.

"You two fools are so oblivious that neither one of you knows what really goes on under your own roof!" Happosai shouted, cowing both of the younger men. "She does _not_ like Ranma and never has! She doesn't like _you_ either, Genma. Oh, and she positively _loathes_ me."

This last statement by Happosai was no surprise to either of his students. They both shrugged their shoulders when he said it, but they both seemed shocked that Kasumi had little use for Ranma.

"Matters are even worse for you, Soun. Kasumi has become resentful of you," Happosai said.

Soun worked his mouth like a fish out of water.

"The sooner you marry her off and get her out of your house the better off the two of you will be." Happosai added. "She'll be someone else's problem then."

Soun was flabbergasted with disbelief. Genma was outraged. The occasional furry wonder got control of himself first. "What on earth are you talking about, Master?"

"What? You don't think that Kasumi has desires and dreams like every other human being on this planet? I guarantee you she does! Soun should have shipped her out right after his wife died. She was old enough and he let her hang around and become a substitute for the woman he lost."

"I did no such thing!" Soun said in a half alarmed, half guilty voice. "I was a complete wreck after my..."

"Yes, yes! I know!" Happosai said in as nasty a tone as he could muster, interrupting Soun's incoming tirade. "You went completely soft in the head. You worship your late wife's soul everyday in that family shrine you keep in your bedroom. I've seen you."

"What's wrong with that?" Soun asked. His voice cracked as he asked the question.

"Well, there's nothin' wrong with respectin' the dead at first blush, but when you prefer a dead woman to a hot little number like Hinako I hafta wonder about your sanity, man. I'll bet your late wife wonders about that, too."

Genma grunted in surprised agreement with Happosai.

" _Et tu_ , Saotome?" Soun asked in Latin. " _Et tu_?"

"Oh, come on, man! Hinako is young, nubile and vivacious."

"But she turns into a...a...baby!" Soun shouted with a wail in his voice. "I did not dare take up with her."

"All ya needed to do was use the pressure point techniques to cure her of that ki created nonsense," Happosai chimed in. "She would still make you a fine wife."

Soun stared at Happosai hard with a look of furious outrage.

"Hornets, remember? We still need to replace our numbers. I'm too old to make babies anymore. That means you two should be doing everything possible to increase the size of our swarm."

Both Genma and Soun groaned at this.

"Master, be reasonable..."

"I _am_ being reasonable, you long-haired galoot! Wake up and smell the cordite!"

Soun started to blubber uncontrollably.

"Geez, you're such a crybaby," Happosai said, making a disgusted face.

"He can't help it, Master!" Genma exclaimed.

"I don't care whether he can help himself or not, Panda-man," Happosai said with disgust in his voice. "This is about the very survival of our kind. Survival has always demanded that we take full advantage of everything we can find. Soun here is failing to take advantage of what is already in his lap!"

Rendered speechless, Genma spluttered trying to make a coherent protest.

"You two go back to Nerima. Jusenkyou is easy for me to reach from here."

Genma opened his mouth to object, but Happosai cut him off.

"Don't worry, Genma," Happosai said, as he threw the contents of mug in Genma's face. "I'll get more than enough water from the Spring of Drowned Man for you to shuffle off the panda."

Genma growled and clicked his teeth, unable to say a word while Soun Tendou gave the ancient old lecher a bug-eyed stare. He was still furious with the little man.

"And don't you worry about Kasumi, Soun," Happosai said as he slapped a one dollar silver certificate on the table top and gave his outraged student a nasty laugh, "She'll be fine now, no matter what you do. Get movin' towards home!"

Genma picked up the money and wandered off to the bar. After a moment he returned with two shot glasses of Tullamore Dew. He waddled over to the chalked line with Soun by his side at the center of Callahan's. The two of them faced the monstrous great fire place that covered the entire end-wall of the building.

Soun muttered to Genma, who growled back faintly and nodded his big round head while twitching his left ear. Soun then held up his shot glass while Genma did the same. The bar fell silent.

"To Jusenkyou!" Soun shouted. Genma gave out a weird panda bark and the two of them downed their Irish whiskey in unison. Then they smashed their jiggers by throwing them as hard as they could into the fireplace. Their obligatory toast completed, the two of them ambled out the front door in silence. The patrons were puzzled, but sympathetic-especially to Genma. Fast Freddie started playing _Piano Man_ again, and the crowd started singing along.

Happosai sat watched the two men leave Callahan's Place as his crafty little mind raced ahead to work on his next problem. Genma, was a vastly capable, but lazy as hell. Happosai understood the second he saw Genma's panda form when he returned to Tendo-ke that Genma had full control over his curse. That was the real trick to Jusenkyou, controlling the curses it gave. Some of its victims never learned to deal with it without hot water. Genma was one of the few that had learned to invoke the curse without water. Happosai had seen him change into a panda whenever it was convenient to be a mute and fuzzy animal.

Everyone tended to love the big fluffy creatures-not that many had ever had to deal with an actual panda. Unlike a bear, the mere sight of a panda invoked the same response that a stuffed toy did. That never lasted more than ten seconds if the panda were actually nearby, but at a distance people tended to equate pandas with stuffed toys.

Soun, on the other hand, was entirely too protective of his daughters, believing them to be angels. Well, they were decent insofar as human beings go, but they weren't kami incarnate-they weren't even angels. Happosai had an intimate knowledge of the female psyche and his arrogance made him think he understood what ran through their twisty little minds.

As far as Happosai was concerned, women were merely resources to be exploited. Soun was not exploiting his resources in the most efficient manner. No matter what the modernists wanted to claim, women were born to have babies and, as far as Happosai was concerned, that is what they should do with a bare minimum of fuss and bother-not that it every had worked out that way. Women always wanted more than their fair share of things. For his part, Happosai was willing to give them most of what they wanted in return for that wonderful ki they generated.

He sat nursing his drink until enough time had passed for his two forty-something students to reach Nerima. Then he paid his tab, offered a toast to the cursed springs and threw his mug into the fireplace. Having completed his obligatory toast, he set out for Jusenkyou.

"I'll hafta send the water out by caravan," Happosai muttered. "The curses never survive a trans-dimensional trip. It would be nice if we could use Callahan's as a way-station, though."

Happosai allowed his ever active mind to grind on as he made his way back to the earthly plain and Jusenkyou.

 _Let's see. I'll need four liters of cursed water per person. There's Akane, Nabiki, Ukyou, Shampoo-hope it doesn't turn her into a tomcat-and the rich bitch-Kodachi. Four times five is twenty. I'll double it just to make sure there's enough to go around. Better get some water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Girl while I'm at it-just in case I need to correct a mistake or two. Let's see, how much does water weigh per liter? Oh, that's right! A liter weighs a kilogram so that's four kilograms per victim...er...subject so, call it two hundred kilograms of water total. That's close enough. At a thousand yen per kilogram to get it out of the Bayankala range by dromedary and then perhaps half that amount per liter to truck it to Tsingtao, plus payola, plus gratuities, comes out to a tidy sum, but that's okay. It'll be worth it._

* * *

 _The trouble with throwing a party at home is that no one ever sticks around to help with the necessary clean up,_ Akane thought as she picked through the teetering wreckage of what had once been the family dojo. Not even Ryoga had stayed, of course that could be blamed on his family curse. The boy could not find his butt with both hands most of the time. _I wonder what makes him that way? Did a foul tempered kami tell_ _one of his ancestors_ _to get lost and stay lost?_ Something buzzed in her subconscious every time she thought about constantly lost Hibiki. She shook her head to clear it. _  
_

Akane paused to wipe the sweat from her forehead and cast a glance in Ranma's direction. He was using his ki to form a one molecule thick blade to square off the ragged ends of the boards they were salvaging. Once the ends were square, he placed them in a neat pile set up on evenly spaced bricks to keep the boards off the ground. Later they would cover the salvaged materials with a tarp to keep it out of the weather.

 _I wonder how long it will be before we have a training hall? A month? Longer? I wish I could use my ki the way Ranma does. He hasn't had to use a cutting tool since his run-in with Haabu, the Prince of the Musk._

For her part, Akane was working on a small burn pile they had made to get rid of the flammable waste. She was feeding the maximum of scrap lumber allowed by law to the small fire. It was hot work and it demanded both patience and control.

"Just think of it as training, Akane," Ranma had said to her, when they set out to start working on the wreckage. "A lack patience and self-control are two of your greatest weaknesses."

She grinned as she remembered having to fight off the urge to send Ranma off on a trip via Air Akane just prove his point. _I guess he's right about me needing to work on my control, but he's almost as impatient as I am, but he doesn't get angry the way I do. Wait a minute, is that why he picks on me all the time? Is that what the taunts are all about? Has he been going out of his way to make me mad? Genma taunts Ranma every time they spar. Can it be that offering insults and dealing with insults hurled at you is just part of the art?_

Akane dropped another stick on the fire and walked toward Ranma. "Yo, baka!"

"What do you want, Akane?"

"Turn around."

Ranma turned around and looked down into Akane's face while she stared up at him. Akane smiled, and she could see that her fiancé became weak at the knees. "Put your ki blade away."

"Oh! Yeah, right." The faint shimmer around Ranma's right hand vanished.

Akane threw her arms around Ranma's neck and then pulled his head down until their lips touched. She gave him a passionate kiss standing right there in the full daylight of the open backyard. He was hesitant at first, but after Akane persisted he let go of his passion and it carried them both away as though a dam had suddenly burst. All the pent up energy between them broke out in one sudden uncontrollable flash. The very air around them lit up with a transparent golden glow.

"Akane!" Kasumi's cried out. "Stop that!"

Akane reluctantly broke the kiss and turned to face her elder sister. "Why?"

"Because-you're out in the open where anyone can see!"

Akane looked around. "It's our backyard, Kasumi. It's surrounded by a solid wall. No one minding their own business can see us."

Kasumi's outrage played across her face. She had been carrying a bucket of dirty water; Akane watched as Kasumi's hatred dance across her face. The older girl changed her grip on the bucket's bail and slung its contents on Ranma. He never so much as flinched; he simply stood stock still and turned into a girl with red hair as the stinking water washed over him. Ranma calmly stared at Kasumi as though nothing happened while the grey water dripped from the end of nose. Akane was livid.

"Kasumi! What are you doing? What has gotten into you?"

"What has gotten into you, little sister? I thought you had better sense than to actually fall for this ne'er-do-well! It's bad enough that our father associates himself with his kind. It was necessary for you to pretend to go along with father's plans for a while, but now you're free. You do realize that nothing bad would have happened if he and his walking carpet of a father hadn't arrived on our doorstep."

Akane was taken aback by this. She felt Onna-Ranma's hand on her shoulder. She turned her head enough to see his face out of the corner of her eye. Onna-Ranma barely shook his head. Akane turned her head to face Kasumi full on. "I know..."

"What, Akane?" Kasumi asked. "You know what, exactly? Don't you realize that your academic career is at death's door because of him and his Chinese curses? How are you going to make a living, Akane? How that freak will provide for you? You cannot possibly think that he will make a living teaching martial arts. No one in their right mind wants to know a thing about what he has spent the last thirteen years mastering."

"She's right, Akane."

This last made Akane's hair stand on end. She whirled around to face Onna-Ranma. "What do you mean?"

"Simple, I mean Kasumi-san is right. I know she is." Onna-Ranma's voice was as cold as the dark vacuum of space. It took Akane's breath away. She wanted to double over as though someone had sneaky-punched her in the gut. She suddenly found herself fighting for each and every breath, unable to believe that Ranma was agreeing with her sister-his suddenly self-righteous accuser.

"Then why did you just...just...kiss me like that?" Akane asked, feeling the control of her temper begin to slip.

"I'll answer that question when you can tell me why you started it," Onna-Ranma answered in an emotionless voice.

"See, Akane? It admits that it's a walking disaster," Kasumi's voice was even colder than Onna-Ranma's voice had been. "Get away from it while you still may."

"You really should, Akane," Onna-Ranma said without so much as blinking.

"Should what?" Akane asked her fem-form fiancé. "What should I do? Why are you agreeing with Kasumi, Ranma? Is it because you secretly hate me?"

"I love you, you idiot, but it's like Kasumi said. You should get away from me and stay away. Shit-daddy and me," Ranma paused to inhale a ragged breath, "we're just creeps and thieves. We got no business being here."

While Akane struggled to understand what Onna-Ranma had just said, Kasumi walked up behind Akane and wrapped an arm around Akane's shoulders. Akane was startled by the move and flinched away, but Kasumi had her captured in an embrace born of protective love.

"That took courage, Ranma," Kasumi said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Kasumi-san," Onna-Ranma said in a dejected voice. "Akane, you have missed twelve weeks of school. There is no way for you to make that up without very expensive help."

Akane opened her mouth to speak, but Onna-Ranma held up her hand for silence.

"You won't need to worry about what it will cost, 'cause I already know how to bring that kind of money in, but it means that I won't be able to stay in school with you. All you will have to do is ta promise me that you'll work at your studies."

"Ranma, you're not my father or my brother, you're my..."

Onna-Ranma cut her off. "The only reason that we're supposed to get married is because your dad and mine decided that it should be so. You and I never asked for that. Now that I know about everything that has gone on in the past, I really don't want you in this particular trap."

Akane's eyes widened with shocked surprise. "What trap."

Kasumi hugged Akane all the tighter. Onna-Ranma's face turned to stone.

"As far as I can see, we are not honor bound to marry because Shit-daddy is as dishonorable as anyone can be, and your Dad ain't exactly no angel. It will upset both of them when I walk outta here, but that's just too bad for their wretched asses."

"If all that's true, Ranma, why are you still here?" Akane asked.

"Because I, unlike my old man, pay my debts!" Ranma answered with more than a little heat. "And I owe you more than I can say. Tendo-ke is the first place that I could call home. I have you and your sisters to thank for that. The other reason is that someone's gotta see to it that you can finish high school."

"That's not your job, Ranma," Akane said. She would have said more, but Onna-Ranma cut her off with a wave.

"Who else is going to do it? Do you really think that your old man will come up with the money? Or mine? No? Then that leaves me, don't it?"

Akane began to realize that Onna-Ranma was telling the truth and she clapped both hands over her mouth as she stared at her dripping wet fiancé in horror. "That doesn't make you my slave, Ranma."

"In a way it does, Akane. It means that I'm-what do they call that kind of thing-indentured to ya. I'm basically your indentured servant until after you graduate school. You got dragged into this mess because I was here. That makes the consequences my responsibility. Your missin' school is one of the consequences that I hafta pay for."

"You're nothing like your father, Ranma," Kasumi said somewhat mollified. Her voice was almost, but not quite regretful.

"I'm more like him than I like, Kasumi-san. The difference between me and him is that I have a keen respect for the truth, and I ain't delusional like your dad."

Kasumi chirped as she tried stifle a full bellied laugh, but failed. Akane stared at her older sister with confusion and dismay.

"What's going on around here that I don't know about?" Akane asked.

"I ain't gonna tell ya, Akane," Onna-Ranma answered. "You'll either figger it out on your own or you won't. Meanwhile, enjoy your innocence while you still can. My advice, is to not pry until after you graduate. You got enough to worry about as it is."

Akane felt Kasumi's hug tighten. "He's right, Akane. You really should focus on your studies."

Akane was now thoroughly upset. "But-but-I want an explanation for all of this. Only a week ago everyone was eager to have Ranma and me married. Now, all of a sudden, that's not to be? Why?"

"Because I have decided to face my parents on this one, Akane," Onna-Ranma said, his face was as stony as Akane had ever seen it. She remembered that Ranma's appearance was much the same after he decided to go all out against Saffron. "You and I haven't been told the full truth, only part of it. What I learned yesterday put a very bad taste in my mouth."

Akane felt a chill begin in the pit of her stomach, rush to the top of her head, making her scalp tingle, then it just as quickly rushed to the soles of her feet, making her toes feel numb and funny. "What did you learn, Ranma?"

"You don't really want to know," Onna-Ranma answered. "You should just focus on your studies and let me deal with it."

Akane opened her mouth to speak, but Onna-Ranma cut her off with a wave of his hand. "Just believe in me one more time, Akane. That's all I'm askin' of ya."

Kasumi's gave Akane a squeeze. "He's right. You really should let him deal with it while you endeavor to finish your schooling."

"Why should I?" Akane demanded. "Why?"

"For starters, I gave up on my own schooling so that you and Nabiki could finish yours. If you don't finish school, that spoils all the efforts I've made." Kasumi answered sharply. "Ranma really and truly does not have a prayer of finishing school in the normal way. This is Japan, Akane. Our education system is the single most rigid thing about our society. You need to work your little behind off so that you will finish your schooling on time. If you don't, that will be the end for you."

"Why is that, Kasumi?"

"Because if you don't," Onna-Ranma interjected, the only job you'll be able to get is waitin' tables in a restaurant, or a bar, Akane. You think the guys at Furinkan are perverts, wait'll ya hafta deal with the salarymen who eat at the restaurants around here."

"I hear that the red lantern joints are even worse, little sister," Kasumi chimed in after giving Onna-Ranma a grateful nod.

"How do you know that, Kasumi?" Akane asked.

"Akiko Tanaka told me after she took a job in one. Do you remember her?"

Akane nodded her head. Akiko had been a year or so older than Kasumi both of her parents died while she was in high school.

"She told me to never consider working in a bar ever. She said that some women even allow themselves to be pawed in those places and that it pays very well, but after you get past the age of twenty, the number of men who are interested in you falls off dramatically."

"I gather she gave that a try."

Kasumi answered by widening her eyes and nodding.

"Okay, but how are you going to come up with so much money, Ranma? Are you going to work in a bar for tips?"

Onna-Ranma gave his ex-fiancé a grim smile. "Not hardly. I'll just do more of what I've done in the past to get Nabiki off of my back."

"I've been wondering about that. What have you been doing to pay Nabiki off?"

"Just never you mind, Akane. I'll be careful and no, it won't involve me letting perverts paw my girl type. You can rest easy on that score."

"So your not going to pose nude for in front of Nabiki's camera?"

Onna-Ranma snorted as though she was revolted by the thought. "Nah! Not _even_ that."

Akane decided that it was time to be appeased and cut back now before things got out of hand again. Nabiki would know and Nabiki could be bought. She would take it up with her middle sister when neither Ranma nor Kasumi was around to see or hear the conversation. "I suppose I'll just have to cut my losses then. I accept your proposal, Ranma."

"It's for the best, Akane," Kasumi said with a catch in her throat.

"I-I need to lie down for a little while," Akane said. She walked across the yard and stepped up onto the engawa, disappearing into the house.

Kasumi waited until Akane was out of sight and out of earshot before addressing Onna-Ranma. "My apologies for throwing that dirty water on you, Ranma."

"S'okay. I've had worse."

"I don't doubt that you have. You have fallen into the drainage canals on a regular basis since you've been here."

"Yeah, I guess I have a time or two. So has Shit-daddy."

"And the two of you tracked that unsanitary water all over my freshly scrubbed floors."

Onna-Ranma knowing that he was guilty looked sheepish.

"I now forgive you for all of that-not your father, but you, Ranma Saotome."

"I am grateful for your forgiveness, Kasumi. Looking back on everything that has happened. I don't know how you put up with the two of us all this time."

"I'd be lying if I tossed it off as a trivial matter. You and your father added untold misery to my already difficult condition here."

"I'm sorry about that-all of it."

"I accept your apology, Ranma. You just now made up for all of that work and agony you and your father have put me through. Did you mean what you said to Akane?"

"Are you prepared to take the word of a professional thief?"

"You aren't exactly a thief, Ranma."

"The law doesn't see it that way. So what I steal from other thieves? As far as the law is concerned, I'm still a thief."

"I do not propose to stand here and debate the grey vagaries of the law with you, Ranma. What I want to know is will you indeed help Akane with her schooling expenses?"

"Yes. I will help her."

"Good. I suggest you get a bath and then get out of here before our fathers return from their so-called training trip. Oh, I'm sorry. You were planning to move out, am I right?"

"Why, yes I was, Kasumi. How did you guess?"

"Oh, a little bird told me."

"A little bird. Yeah, right," Onna-Ranma muttered to herself as Kasumi marched back towards the main house. "I guess I had better hurry like Kasumi says. There's no tellin' when the three old farts will be home again."


	3. Chapter 3

**Return to Normalcy: Chapter 03**

Happosai stood on a rooftop looking down on the Ucchan, Ukyou Kuonji's okonomiyaki grill. The young woman and her _kunnoichi_ (female ninja) finished cleaning the place up and headed toward Nerima's second best bathhouse. Well, it was second place in Happosai's eyes simply because the bath house Ukyou was fond of catered more to men than it did women. Despite that, the place was owned and operated by a woman who had a great deal of respect for her fellow business operators.

Ukyou could go there and get a nice relaxing bath with a much smaller chance of being bothered by a marauding Happosai, than she would at the newer and better appointed bathhouse on the other side of Nerima. There were very few ways into or out of the older bathhouse. The risk of getting caught was much greater there so Happosai stayed away from it.

Happosai pulled out his pocket watch and looked at the time.

"Fifteen minutes later than the Nekohanten," he muttered. "Mousse makes a difference when it comes to cleaning up. Oh, well, better keep up. Gotta find a good place to lay in ambush."

Staying in the shadows and using his long practiced eye, Happosai carefully considered every turn of Ukyou's route as a possible place of ambush and was sharply disappointed.

"Little bitch has got a keen eye for pickin' safe routes," he muttered. "This is gonna be harder than I first thought-urk!"

"Well, what do we have here?" Konatsu asked. The male kunnoichi's voice was surprisingly deep and masculine. The sound of it was in sharp contrast to the usual feminine sounding falsetto Konatsu-kun used while waiting tables in the Ucchan. Konatsu had Happosai firmly in his grip, holding the old man well off the ground by the back of his gi, as though he were holding a puppy by the scruff of its neck.

"Heh-he! Hiya, Konatsu, baby! How's tricks?"

"You're not as smooth as you used to be, Old-fart. What are you up to?"

"Say, it was you that picked this route to the bathhouse, wasn't it?"

"Wouldn't you like to know!"

"You're not the best ninja of four generations for nothing, Konatsu," Happosai's voice held genuine respect as he spoke. "It only figures that you're the one responsible for this route."

"And the fact that the single most evil martial arts instructor in all of Japan is tailing us suggests something ominous in the wind," Konatsu said. There was something of the arctic tinkling in his voice as he spoke. It made Happosai shudder involuntarily.

"Aw, now..."

Konatsu gave the tiny old man a vigorous shake, interrupting whatever it was he was going to say."

"Right! Out with it, Old-fart. What are you up to now? Are you after Ukyou-sama's panties again?"

"Are you crazy?" Happosai's voice climbed an octave. "She wears cotton panties. Who'd want them?"

"Oh, surely there is a pervert out there somewhere whose tastes run in that direction-and leave it to you to know 'em!"

"I'm not after her panties, damn you! Now lemme go!"

A little of Konatsu's powerful ki leaked out into a frighteningly intense aura.

"Nope. Not until you come clean you lecherous old monster. What are you up to if you aren't after her panties?"

"I...er...It's about Ranma."

"So? What about Ranma?" Konatsu's voice sounded worried, which did not surprise Happosai. Bad things had happened during the impromptu wedding ceremony. There had been more than enough hurt feelings to go around.

 _He still worries about what might happen between Ranma and Ukyou_ , Happosai thought, _even after everything that he and she have done together. I'm surprised Ukyou isn't pregnant by Konatsu already._

"Well, his curse is misbehavin' somethin' awful."

"Is he stuck in his girl form?" Konatsu asked with a note of hope in his voice.

"Intermittently, but he starting to think like a woman all the time, now. That's the real problem," Happosai said, hoping the wiry ninja would believe him. He was desperate to tell a credible lie and, as usual, his imagination was failing him right when he needed it the worst.

"That won't hurt him any," Konatsu added. "I try to do that all the time. The better I think like a woman, the less I'm thought of as a man."

"You don't have Nodoka Saotome for a mother, though."

"You'll have to forgive me if I refuse to feel sorry for Ranma, Happosai. I know that he's important to your school and all, but I just cannot feel any sympathy for him. He got to know his real parents. All I ever had were my evil stepsisters and their mum after my dad died. That was twelve years of hell that you cannot even begin to imagine."

"I see your point and it's well taken, son," Happosai said, hoping that this conversation would get old and Konatsu would simply drop it-and him out of sheer boredom if nothing else.

"Which brings us right back to where we started. What are you up to following Ukyou-sama and me around?"

"You won't be satisfied until I tell you the truth, will ya?"

"Konatsu answered the oldster by raising his left eyebrow. "The whole truth and nothing but, Jiji (old man)."

"I was looking for a place to ambush Ukyou so that I could splash her with the water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man."

Konatsu's response was appallingly violent, even for a martial artist of Happosai's calibre. What the faux kunnoichi lacked in experience he made up for with sheer raw talent. He used Happosai for a basket ball, dribbling him all over the neighborhood. Happosai tried every trick he had in his inventory to get rid of the vicious young assassin, but to no avail. Part of this was because Konatsu already knew most of the things Happosai was capable of, and had already prepared for this night, but the other part of it was that it was damned hard for Happosai to focus while being dribbled like a basket ball. His clothing was beginning to wear thin in spots and his bald head was festooned with a growing blossom of scarlet road rash.

To make matters even worse, despite the fact that Konatsu made a very beautiful girl, he was one-hundred-and-ten-percent male and Happosai could not stand being fed ki from a man for very long. His health, vigor and longevity came from his perverted tastes for extracting ki from unwilling females. Had Konatsu been the least bit of a homosexual, he would have exuded at least a trace of female ki, but Konatsu wasn't and he didn't. Happosai was in truly horrific bind.

Konatsu slipped Happosai's infamous pipe trick repeatedly. Happosai had used every known variation of it and then with great effort, made up two additional variations that had never been seen before that night-the faux kunnoichi slipped both of them with stylish aplomb.

Just as Happosai thought he was going to die a horrible bloody bouncing death, Konatsu stopped pounding him into the ground and seized him with both hands. He stared Happosai right in the eye and said in a raspy voice that sounded as though it harrowed hell on the way to Happosai's ears, "You leave my Ukyou alone, you old bastard!"

Then Konatsu gave Happosai such a hard drop kick that Akane would have hung her head in shame had she been present. Happosai's clothing began smoking from the air friction just as he reached the apex of his flight.

"Holy shit! I can see nearly all of Tokyo from here. That little turd really gave me a solid kick!"

There was little in the way of hang time for Happosai. He began a descent almost immediately after reaching full gravitational stall. He gritted his teeth and whispered. "Gotta hold off on usin' my ki until I'm right above the ground. Haven't got that much left."

Happosai splashed down into Tokyo bay and came up sputtering nasty salt water. "Feh! Man that was one helluva kick. Just you wait, Konatsu. I'm not done with you yet. I've got a very special present already on its way here.

* * *

Ukyou looked up as Konatsu settled into his and Ukyou's private basin at the bathhouse . "Where've you been all this time, 'Natsu-honey?"

Konatsu treated his love to a sunny smile. "Just some very old business. Nothing all that important."

Ukyou stared rather hard at him for a moment. He liked the way she looked when her hair was put up for bathing. Beads of moisture speckled her face like diamonds glittering in the night.

"If you say so, Sugar. Are you sure it was nothing?"

Konatsu felt his blood run cold as he settled into the excruciatingly hot water.

"Oh, yes," Kenzan-kun said with moan in his voice. "I'm dead certain that it is settled for a while."

* * *

Cologne worried about Happosai's antics. They were nothing to dismiss lightly. She had known him from the from the days of their youth and she had never felt so cursed as she had when Happosai arrived in her village. She had been given the task of looking after him. He had, despite everything about him, done the village a very important service by ridding it of a very officious mandarin attached to the Forbidden City in Peking. Now the Forbidden City was just a park and the Mandarins had been replaced by doctrinaire communists. _The more things changed, the more they stayed the same. The village was dealing with doctrinaire communists and she was still keeping Happosai at bay. What a life!_ Cologne thought with an involuntary shiver.

If Cologne were asked to give her honest assessment of Japan, she would have given it high marks for its freedom, but low marks for the way its women and the so-called gaijin were treated with. The Japanese were inclined to be respectful of her only because she was old enough to qualify as an elder in any Asian society, but also because she was clearly a superior person.

Being a superior person was something one had to be born to, but it could also be improved upon with age and training. Cologne had centuries of both and it showed. All of which made absolutely no difference whatsoever whenever Happosai was involved. She heaved a sigh of exasperation. Happosai had tried her patience while she was in her twenties, and now he was doing it again in her old age.

 _When the Gods are not being indifferent, they take delight in being cruel. There is no justice anywhere in the universe, save what you exact for yourself,_ she thought.

Justice came at a high price, of course, but it was possible to obtain it against the likes of Happosai. It did, however, require patience. One could only ever score such a coup when the old lecher made a mistake as he invariably did when he was in hot pursuit of something. Right now, he was after something important. Cologne did not know what it was, but that it was important to the aged lecher she knew for a fact. His furtive behavior had been shouting about it for weeks.

She was almost certain that it had something to do with that perennially reluctant pillower, Ranma Saotome. She had never seen a young man so chary with his pillow as Ranma Saotome. Cologne felt that his reluctance had something to do with his curse. Clearly his honor was not now, just as it had never been, an issue. Ranma's reluctance was very much like that of a girl who had every boy she saw hitting on her constantly. If the boy would just have the good sense to pillow with Shampoo and get her pregnant, then their problems would be over. She and Shampoo could return home with their heads held high, even without Saotome in tow. Ranma could stay at home and have his Japanese wife-or wives-while Cologne and Shampoo returned home and claimed him as a husband of Shampoo. What was wrong with that?

As a member of the village elite, Shampoo was expected to have more than one husband anyway. Cologne did not think that Ranma would ever be likely to go along with such a practice. It was just another reason to leave him here, safely in Japan and then send Shampoo over to collect sperm samples as often s possible. The only reason she had not made an attempt to explain the practical side of Amazon law to the Saotome child, is that she doubted that he would believe her. Neither she nor Shampoo had ever given him reason to be trusting with them. He was constantly on the watch for a trap.

Shampoo was constantly hot an bothered nowadays, not just for a week or so out of a month the way she had been doing when they first came to Japan. Her pheromones were driving Mousse mad with lust. Cologne made a note to drive that one away. She did not want a four-eyed mongrel like Mousse mixing his blood with Shampoo's. It just would not do to have that happen. Having finished her evening snack, she hopped onto her trusty walking stick bounced upstairs pogo fashion and out onto her tiny veranda on the second floor. She inhaled a deep breath through her nose.

"Been fishing, have we, Happosai?" she asked with a chuckle in her voice.

"Nah! I took a trip to Tokyo Bay via Air Konatsu, that's all. It was quite a splashdown-you should've been there."

"Sounds like a pretty rough trip for a man of your age."

"Believe me, it was. It was a lot worse than Air Akane ever dreamed of being."

"So, what brings you here?"

"You know what brings me here, Cologne."

"I really don't," she answered. "It could be any one of a hundred things you're after. Now then, what are you here for?"

"I'm here to talk to you about something that is close to both our hearts, old woman."

"I cannot imagine what that might be, Happosai. What is it that you and I could have so much in common that I would agree to cooperate with the likes of you?"

Happosai blew out his breath in exasperation. "We both want heirs, right?"

Cologne turned her head to give the old Master a stare of wide-eyed surprise. "Yes, well, I'm afraid that you and Genma have already made that next to impossible, Happosai. Ranma is extremely reluctant to bed any of the girls that have made themselves available to him. The last time I checked, the best way to garner heirs is for a boy and a girl to share a pillow. That simply is not happening."

"Damn Jusenkyou!" Happosai exclaimed. "That curse he's got has made the boy wrong in the head. He can't make up his mind whether he's a boy or a girl."

Cologne gave the lecher an evil look. "I suspect that you are close to being right, but I also suspect that it is something that is inherent in the boy's nature that is holding up nature's course."

"Oh, really? What might that be?" Happosai asked.

"He seems to have a healthy respect for the rights of women, for one thing," Cologne answered. "I think he worries about what might happen to them after he gets them pregnant."

"Fah! To hell with that nonsense! It's counterproductive under these circumstances. We need to get 'im started fucking someway-somehow. After that, it'll be Katy-bar-the-door. I think that his girl side is tryin' ta save himself for a knight in shining armor."

Cologne gave out a heartfelt belly laugh at this. "That is not as far-fetched as one might expect under the circumstances. What do you propose?"

"Simple. Water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man."

"Not so simple given that we are here discussing a Jusenkyou curse. It is a very resistant magic."

"So I have noticed. I'm thinking that we should be able to give a male curse to his fiancées though."

Cologne's eyes widened at this. "You really are a madman, you do realize that, do you not?"

"What, ya don't think that Akane won't seduce his girl type once she's a guy?"

Cologne hesitated on this idea. Akane had survived at Furinkan by turning her lust response into raw anger, and then using that anger to become aggressive. On the other hand, Shampoo had always been affectionate, much like a cat. Ukyou, on the other hand, was somewhere in between the two extremes. "You might well be onto something, Happosai, but I want a few days to think about it. When will the water be here?"

"I didn't say anything about having..."

"Oh, bother!" Cologne said in an exasperated voice. "You wouldn't have come to me with this wild-assed scheme if you did not already have the water on the way. What do you take me for? A twenty year old naif?"

You ain't been in your twenties for-well-centuries now, I guess."

Cologne rapped Happosai on the head with her walking stick out of annoyance.

"I don't know what I am going to do with you. You are such a pain in the arse that it stopped being funny over a hundred years ago."

Happosai just laughed.

"Now, shoo! Get along home or wherever it is that you rest up. I have some telephone calls to make."

"So, you're gonna check with the guide and see what might happen, eh?"

"Shoo! What part of go away don't you understand?"

"I'm goin', I'm goin! Geez, have a little patience. You'd think a woman your age would have..."

* * *

Cologne did not hear the rest of what Happosai had to say on the subjects of age and patience. There were some things that it was easier for Cologne to be patient about as she had aged-most of them were mundane and of little consequence-but then there were others that set her teeth on edge. Happosai's noxious behavior was one of those other things. Another thing that annoyed her, was the relationship between her great-granddaughter and the Saotome child. Their behavior set her teeth on edge worse than Happosai's did.

 _If only the boy would hump her we'd be done with all this agony!_ She thought. _Instead, he runs from Shampoo like a chicken from a cat._

She had been ready to pull out all the stops with each and every passing month. The only thing that had held her back was not quite knowing what her ham-handed attempts at matchmaking might result in. She had been about half afraid that anything she did would frighten Ranma into doing something violent, but now she had an evil old man to blame for any bad consequences that might arise.

I wonder if the old fart knows about the lovers' plant?" she mumbled under her breath. "I'll have to leave out a clue for him to find."

* * *

The elegant way to remove a bat from someone who is swinging it at you is to catch it while giving in to most of the force that wielder of the bat is applying to his or her swing. Ranma feigned fear as he stepped around in an even flow of force as the boy swung his bat at him as hard as he possibly could. Ranma caught the fat end of the weapons as it came whistling in at his head and redirected its path upward while spinning on his heel. He then pulled on the bat, surprising its wielder. The boy literally flew across the empty lot.

"There, see? I toldja that wouldn't help any," Ranma said. He used the same sort of belittling tone that Genma had used on him for ten years. "Now whatter ya gonna do? Fart at me?"

The bigger boy had tears in his eyes as he charged at Ranma. Ranma jumped up onto the wall behind him and let the big galoot slam into the wall head first. The boy obligingly slumped to the ground on his face without trying to catch himself, which meant that he was out cold. Ranma checked the boy's pulse. It was there and strong, so he rifled the boy's front pockets, whistling in awe at the wad of bills that the boy had been carrying.

"Five-thousand yen notes. You really are quite the bully ain't-cha, big boy?"

Ranma pulled the boy's wallet out of his back pocket and flipped it open. His eyes widened with shock when he saw the phoenixes on the obverse sides of the bills.

"Hou-ou look what we have here! Ten-thousand yen notes! You really are one helluva busy bully!"

Ranma stuffed the bills into his pocket and leaped to the top of the wall again.

"Been nice doin' business wi'ya, big boy," Ranma said with a one finger salute. "Be seein' ya."

He stayed in his male form until he was roughly 500 meters away from the boy he just encouraged to become unconscious. He took a quick dip in the fountain in the neighborhood park, and then ducked into a nearby public restroom and changed clothes. This took quite a while because Onna-Ranma was determined to take full advantage of his female form.

He dressed as a very feminine _hausfrau_ , much the same way that Kasumi dressed, thinking that looking like Akane's serene older sister would greatly reduce the chances that he would be bothered by anyone looking for an assailant. He wore a long dress covered by a very frilly apron, sensible shoes and carried a large purse that matched the color of his dress. Inside the purse, was the money and his guy-type's clothing.

Onna-Ranma strolled toward the nearest bus stop and did his best to not hurry. He still had a long trip to make before he could get back into his apartment in Nerima. Well-okay-it was not really an apartment; it was an old shipping container, but it had most of the comforts he needed to live a semi-normal life. It had running water, a twelve volt DC light and even a bed. It also had a 220 volt _kotatsu_ (under the table heater), a low table and a fan. The thing it was short of was a real kitchen, and there was no closet. He hung all of his clothes up on racks that he had rigged across the narrow width of the shipping container.

It was mostly an uneventful trip across Tokyo back to the Nerima district, save for one pervert who inexplicably suffered from five broken fingers. Onna-Ranma hated that kind of man. Men like him gave every man a bad reputation in the eyes of girls like Akane-well-any girl, really, but girls like Akane were especially sensitive. Akane seemed to think that main means of dealing with boys and men was to be angry with them. Not that he could blame her. He had been the victim of chauvinism and unwanted tenders for sex to understand her sour attitude.

After arriving home, Onna-Ranma remained in his girl type, but changed into clothes that a less serious young woman would wear and braided his hair into a queue the way he normally wore it. He regretted the garish red color of his girl-type's hair, but it was what Jusenkyou saw fit to give him along with the curse. Had he been in just about any country besides Japan, having red hair would not be such a problem, but a great many Japanese people frowned at his girl-type simply because his hair was not black.

"Jusenkyou was such a jackpot!" He exclaimed. "I'm a red headed woman in Japan of all things. What more could I have asked for? Tentacles?" Ranma shuddered making his breasts jiggle which made his sensitive nipples crinkle. "Oops. Gotta put on a bra."

He pulled off his deep green pull over blouse and put on a heavy cotton brassiere. He donned the blouse once again and made a quick check in the mirror to see how badly he had messed up his hair. It wasn't hat bad so he emptied the purse out onto the table and counted his haul for the day. There was a cool quarter million yen in that purse. That would have been only $25,000 US, but it was still not bad for a single day's work.

Having counted the money, he picked up enough to eat on went outside and stashed the money in a special can he had buried right alongside the edge of the container. It looked like a pour of waste concrete, but he had arranged it so that part of it could be lifted up, revealing a can with a tight lid. He propped the concrete cap up with a nearby stick and opened the can. Inside of it was a zip lock bag with more cash in it. He opened the bag, put the cash in it and zipped it shut. He closed the can and then carefully put the concrete cap back in place. He very carefully studied the ground around his stash until he was satisfied that there was no sign that anything had been buried there.

He strode off confidently, but doubled back to check and make certain that no one had observed him burying his stash. He sat and watched that spot for about twenty minutes. After no one showed up, he left for the nearby unagi restaurant. He had his mouth set for grilled eel tonight. Besides, he did not like to frequent the places where he could have eaten for nothing-he could ill afford them under the circumstances.

He heard the approach of Shampoo on her bicycle and donned a pair of zero diopter glasses that practically covered his entire face. She blew right by him without giving him a second look. He breathed a deep sigh of relief. He was getting better at working with disguises, which, given his occupation, was a good thing not a bad one.

Kuno stumbled by waving his bokken while spouting a particularly ornate passage of poetry. Several of the other passersby ducked or dodged, including Onna-Ranma. He was deeply gratified when Kuno remained completely oblivious to his girl-type.

"Great, even his Majesty the Kuno doesn't recognize me dressed this way."

Onna-Ranma turned the corner and there was his favorite unagi place. Freshwater eel had been becoming increasingly expensive since Ranma and Genma had returned to Japan, but he gladly paid for it. He liked it better than almost anything else he had ever eaten. It was high in protein and minerals and they always served it on a bed of fragrant rice. He wished that he could have ordered saki to go with it, but he did not want to be carded. All he had was an ID that referred to him as a guy named Ranma Saotome. He needed that like he needed to grow another head.

"Gonna hafta talk to Nabiki 'bout getting another ID card for my girl-type," he muttered while brushing at his long red bangs.

Beyond enjoying the meal in the unique way that only a starving Saotome could, there was nothing remarkable about it. Onna-Ranma finished eating and left the restaurant, heading back toward his container. He was nearly half way there when his danger sense began nagging him. Finally he took to the rooftops so that he could reconnoiter. He stood in the shadows on a ridge looking down at the well lit street below when he heard someone try to get his attention.

"Psst! Ranma," Konatsu's voice was unmistakable.

"Yo, Konatsu-san. What's up? You been stalkin' me?"

Konatsu laughed in reply, startling Onna-Ranma by how near he was. "Should've known that you'd spot me."

Onna-Ranma rolled his eyes. He was not about to admit that he had not seen the kunnoichi. "So, what d'ya want?"

"Have you talked Happosai lately?"

"Nah! Everybody at Tendo-ke is unhappy with me right now. Why do you ask?"

"I saw him last night."

"Oh? Why? Was he after Ucchan's underwear again?"

"Not really. He was looking for a place to ambush her on the way to or from the bathhouse."

"Ambush her? Why would he want to ambush her and not take her panties?"

"He said he wanted to douse her with water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man."

This shocked Ranma nearly speechless. "He wha..."

Konatsu nodded his head. "Seems he doesn't like the way things are going between you and Ukyou-sama."

Onna-Ranma clapped his hand to his forehead.

"When-o-when are they going to stop?" Onna-Ranma growled, unaware that his pained growl was cute, rather like the growl of a puppy or chihuahua.

Konatsu snorted. "I would not be you for all the tea in China."

"Guess what? I am me and I haven't seen so much as a cursed itty-bitty dribble of Chinese tea."

Konatsu laughed out loud as he clapped Onna-Ranma on the thin bones of his shoulder.

"Well, at least you can be a real girl. The best I can do his shave with a straight razor four times a day."

"That's part of the problem, I think. Did Happosai say anything about why he wanted to douse Ucchan with water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man?"

"I was too busy beating him up to ask," Konatsu said. "I should have finished the old fart off, but murder requires preparation if you don't want to get caught. I kicked him toward Tokyo Harbor."

"Hmmph!" Onna-Ranma noised. "He probably swam right back here using the Sumida river."

"You're probably right, but I did try to do him real harm this time. His threatening Ukyou-sama annoys me. What purpose could he possibly have for doing such a thing?"

"All of 'em over at Tendo-ke are desperate for an heir from Akane and me-well-any woman'll do, just so long as it's me that gets her pregnant."

Konatsu flinched as he spoke, "Are you certain that they are sticking to their plan of having you father a child?"

"What else would they be plannin'?"

"Well gee, Ranma-kun, Happosai wants to turn Ukyou-sama into a guy. What do you think?"

Onna-Ranma felt as though his head caught on fire as his anger surged up against his control and fought to get out. He flopped down on the ridge of the roof. Konatsu sat down beside him.

"Look, I'm sorry if you're angry, but I had to tell you what was going on."

"I'm not mad at you, Konatsu-kun. You haven't been scheming to get me involved with a pregnancy of one kind or another. My own kin have been doin' this to me. I owe you a huge favor for warnin' me!"

"You can pay be back by helping me keep that old creep away from Ukyou-sama," Konatsu said. His voice was calmly murderous. "She's just now beginning to get over...over what happened."

Onna-Ranma felt his face sag. "What happened to Ucchan was so unfair that it's not funny, but most of it was her old man's fault."

"Fathers are what they are, Saotome-kun. We all have one and none of us can change them."

Onna-Ranma laughed. "Makes 'em all like assholes, don't it?"

Konatsu grinned despite himself. "Exactly my point. How long do you think it will take for Jusenkyou water to arrive here in Nerima?"

"That depends on how much money the old bastard was willing to spend on his project. If I'm guessin' right, he spent a lot of money. It'll be here as fast as it can be gotten here. Say-two weeks maybe three."

"We don't know when he went to China, though. Three weeks from when?"

"The old man took Tendo-san and Shit-daddy on a training trip a week ago. They were back here on Friday. The old masher did not show up until you saw him last night."

"That means we have one to two weeks before we have to be on the look out for traps, right?"

"Hell, we may as well start worryin' now and beat the monthly rush. Start thinkin' 'bout everything you two do, and everywhere Ucchan goes. He probably ain't layin' for your, but you need to be on your guard just in case."

"What about Shampoo and Kodachi?" Konatsu asked. "Should we try to warn them?"

"Do you think that we could?" Ranma asked. "Kodachi is as nutty as they come, and Shampoo already has a Jusenkyou curse. Turnin' into a guy would be an improvement for her."

Konatsu found himself grinning despite the circumstances they were facing. "And Kodachi might well learn something from it, right?"

"Maybe it would wake her and her brother both up. That wouldn't make me mad none. You worry 'bout Ucchan and I'll take care of Akane, okay?"

"You have a deal, Saotome-kun. By the way, I noticed that you are not keeping to your old habits. You've stopped attending Furinkan high school, haven't you?"

"Yeah, well, school wasn't doin' me that much good. It could help Akane though. That's why I am focused on making money, now."

"Let me know if you need any help with that-making money I mean. I need to make a little myself."

"Will do, Konatsu-kun. As soon as I find something big enough for the two of us, I'll be in touch."

Konatsu answered by silently disappearing. What was truly frightening for Onna-Ranma was that his danger sense did not so much as tingle when it happened. Not only could he not see Konatsu, he could not feel his presence either. That was difficult for Ranma to cope with. He knew that he should have been able to detect the ninja's presence at the very least, but he couldn't no matter how hard he tried.

"Konatsu uses the Umisenken (Ocean-thousand-fist) better than Pops or I do," Onna-Ranma muttered. "Impressive. Shit-daddy must've lied to me about him having invented it."


	4. Chapter 4

Tendou Akane methodically beat her alarm clock into tiny pieces at five in the morning. She felt as though she would need a pry bar to open her eyes. They were glued shut by the accumulated mucus that had dried during the night. She had been studied herself blind for three weeks now, and there was no sign of a possible let up in the pace. Not only was she attending Furinkan, she was also attending two different juku, or "cram schools." One at nights during the week and another one all day on Saturdays.

Furinkan and the two juku gave her so much homework that Kasumi had to bust her butt just to keep Akane fed and watered while she studied, bathed and attended schools. Her life had turned into a vast ocean of learned texts, one right after the other until they fogged the very atmosphere she breathed. The only thing that kept her at it was the knowledge that Ranma was daily risking his life to pay for it all and, of course, Kasumi's cooking, cleaning and kindly encouragement.

With everyone, well, everyone who mattered to Akane, working so that she could finish her academic career, there was a great deal of pressure on her to succeed for them. She was not about to disappoint them by making a bad grade or flunking her college entrance exams. An American would not have survived this kind of pressure. An American would have fallen to pieces late one night and started staggering around muttering under their breaths the way pre-med students of every nationality did just before final exams.

For Japanese students, their high school years are the most important. Their college years are spent polishing out the rough spots in their manners and personalities while building up a social network. Life at a university in Japan is nothing like what it is in the United States. In the United States, it is quite the reverse. A student's real trouble begins once she or he leaves home and starts attending college. It is a lot like being thrown into a tank of sharks. University in Japan is invariably a matter of partying and wasting time, first and studying second. A great many Japanese students stagger into their universities suffering from a kind post traumatic stress syndrome from the grueling routine imposed by their high schools. Akane was in the process of discovering why and how they acquired those cases of PTSD.

If it had to be cooked and there was no one around to cook it, Akane did not eat it. She had to study. If a delicious smell wafted out of an eatery on the way to the next class, Akane could not walk in and place an order. She had to spend the time that would take studying. If there were no clean clothes to wear, Akane did not have the time to wash them. She would resort to wearing her cleanest dirty clothes-she had to study. There was no time to wash clothing. There was only just enough time for a quick shower every day. No long soaks in the furo for her-not anymore-she had to study. For a person with traditional Japanese upbringing, this was as harsh as it could get. She really missed her long soaks in the furo.

Already weak from her strenuous trip to China and back, her weight fell precipitously. She was a bleary-eyed, ill-tempered and intolerant version of her self, which to those close to her was something of a shock. It was hard for them to believe that Alane's temper could get worse, or that her tolerance for sexual excitement would drop so low as to become an ignition source with catastrophic consequences.

Ranma never went to see her in his male form. He only visited in his cursed form. It was much safer. He of course, had to have Kasumi's permission to do such a thing so it was not very common. Otoko-Ranma became a mere abstraction to Akane. He was just some ill-defined creature out there somewhere who brought in the money Akane needed to finish her education. Onna-Ranma, was her buddy who was free of the need to be educated. Akane envied her and loved her. Onna-Ranma brought unagi or some other such delicacy with her when she visited. They were very short visits though-fifteen minutes to a half-hour maximum. Akane _had_ to study.

Late in the evening, Akane got up and went downstairs so that she could wash the crud that was keeping her eyelids partially sealed shut when it was not scratching her eyeballs. Once she could see clearly, she staggered back up the stairs and sat down at her desk. She sucked in a very deep breath and dove back into what she had been working on prior to her most recent physical collapse. The subject was business law, something that she wished she had taken back during freshman year. That way, she might have had a chance of beating Nabiki at her own game. As it turned out, Nabiki had beaten her repeatedly about the head and shoulders without her so much as noticing it.

Well, that was true. She had noticed because it had cost her and Ranma tons of money, but still, Nabiki had been practicing her chosen Art on her and her fiancé and neither of them realized what had been going on until Akane started studying up on business law. Now Akane understood what her elder sister had been doing and she was eager to whip out her newly acquired knowledge as a surprise for Nabiki. _I'll have to be careful though, Nabiki has lots more practice this business stuff than simply will not do for her to laugh as she burns me yet again. All I need to do is to put a shot across her bow so that she will be a bit more careful about how she deals with Ranma and me._

There was a tap at her window. It was Onna-Ranma; hanging upside down from the eaves of the house. He was holding a platter loaded with shrimp and fish teriyaki-expensive stuff and not all that good to eat once it had cooled off. Akane hastened to open the window.

"What are you doing, Ranma?"

"I brought ya somthin' ta eat, Tomboy. What does it look like?"

"Like you should give it to me so you can come in! What were you thinking?"

"That you need to put on some weight," Onna-Ranma answered, shoving the large platter through the window so that Akane could get her hands on it. "I got some more stuff on the roof, I'll be right back."

Akane accepted the laden platter and set it on the only flat place still available-her bed. Onna-Ranma swung inside the room with two half-gallon containers of Neapolitan ice cream.'

"Why Neapolitan?" Akane asked.

"'Cause I couldn't make up my mind which flavor I like the best, that's why. I decided to get my three most favorite ones insteadda just one."

Akane shrugged her shoulders. "Makes sense to me. It's starting to get warm, though."

"We'll just hafta switch hit between the teriyaki and the ice cream, Tomboy."

This confused Akane at first, but after she thought about it for a moment she shrugged her shoulders again. "Why not?"

"Yeah, pass me some a that shrimp, Tomboy."

"Here ya go, Baka-okama-san."

Onna-Ranma grinned as she accepted Akane's insult along with the food. "Ya sound like Pansuto Tarou when ya say stuff like that."

"Hmmph! You're getting better."

"How d'ya mean, Akane?"

"You don't get mad at every little thing I say," Akane said around a mouthful of shrimp.

Ranma grinned at her and took a large bite of grilled fish and then followed it with a spoon of chocolate ice cream.

"Gack! How can you stand to do that?" Akane shouted.

Onna-Ranma simply laughed it off and took another bite of the fish. This made Akane gag, but it was fun. The fish seemed to be halibut, Akane could not say for certain. She had never had these kinds of expensive dishes before. Onna-Ranma was going out of his way to spoil her.

"I'm going to get fat if we keep eating like this," Akane declared in a worried voice.

Onna-Ranma got an outraged look on his currently cherubic face. "You let me be the judge of that, Akane. You look like frikkin' bulimic! That adventure we suffered through in China took a lot out of ya."

Akane was deeply offended. "I am _not_ bulimic!"

"I didn't say that you were, baka! I said that you _looked_ it. There's a difference."

"If I'm such a baka, why're you going out of your way to pay for my education?"

"Because..."

"I'm sorry, Ranma. I'm just tired and irritable."

"Me too. It's that time of the month."

Akane stared at Onna-Ranma and giggled before she could stop her self. Onna-Ranma's riposte was a lopsided grin. "At least I'm startin' ta get used to that."

"Why is that, I wonder," Akane said. "You sure you were born a guy?"

"It's because I spent so much time as a girl on the way back from China." Onna-Ranma's face turned thoughtful, which made him look as the was in a great deal of pain. "Usually, after I have been through a week sufferin' with this, I don't get splashed with water as often for another month."

Akane stuffed another shrimp into her mouth and then followed it up with a spoon of strawberry ice cream.

"Hmm, this would make a great parfait," Akane said just loud enough for Onna-Ranma to hear her; he made a face. Seeing him wince Akane shouted, "Well it was your idea, baka!"

"But I used chocolate, not strawberry!"

Akane stuck her tongue out at Onna-Ranma. "Your just jealous that I had a decent idea about food, that's all."

Onna-Ranma shook his head. "Shrimp parfait. I'll bet that will make your average round-eye puke."

"A westerner, yes. A nihonjin? No. We make ice cream out of everything."

"Ain't that the truth. Have you ever eaten ayu ice cream?"

"Once," Akane said. "It was good, but too expensive. It was a thousand yen per scoop."

Onna-Ranma winced when Akane mentioned the cost of that particular ice cream. "No wonder that guy chased me for so long."

Akane stopped eating long enough to glare at Onna-Ranma with a baleful eye. "How much of it did you steal?"

"Just one bucket," Onna-Ranma answered, but he looked exceedingly sheepish.

"Must've been a big bucket."

"Almost twenty liters."

Akane's eyes crossed. "That qualified as a major crime, baka!"

"It was a long time ago. I was just a hungry kid."

"Oh, well, did you run that excuse by the police?"

"Onna-Ranma rolled his eyes.

"Never got caught. Not only did I have that ice cream vendor after me, Shit-daddy was making threats and running right behind him, too."

"And you did what?"

Onna-Ranma shrugged his feminine shoulders. "I hid and ate the ice cream."

"All of that huge bucket?" Akane shouted.

"Err...yeah. It would've gone bad if I hadn't."

Akane could not stop herself from giggling and Onna-Ranma joined in. They laughed between bites until all the food and ice cream was gone. Onna-Ranma gave Akane a long stare. His nipples became suddenly became erect. Akane bit her at her lower lip to stifle yet another laugh.

"You do realize that you forgot to put on a bra, right?" Akane asked.

Onna-Ranma looked down at himself and winced.

"I'm sorry, Akane. My nipples have a mind of their own just like my..." Onna-Ranma's eyes grew large and round when he realized what he was about to say.

Akane felt her own nipples stiffen in response. Her curiosity was aroused. She slid the empty platter off the bed between them, reached around behind Onna-Ranma's head and pulled it close enough to her for a kiss. _Oh, yeah. I could do a lot of this_ , Akane thought. _I just wonder if he'll put up with it._

Almost as though he was doing his best to answer Akane's mental question, Onna-Ranma warmed up rapidly and their kiss became prolonged and passionate. Onna-Ranma broke it off just as Akane began to think that she was going to go all the way with Ranma's girl type.

"You ain't got the time for this, Akane."

Akane was thoroughly peeved. "What makes you say that, Ranma?"

"Because if you did, we would have done this a bunch of times before now."

"What makes you think that not enough time was the only reason? I'm a girl too, right now. It's...It's not as though I'm a...a...a..."

"Lesbian?" Onna-Ranma asked. "Nah! You're not a lesbian, Akane. I'm just so manly that it shines through my curse."

Akane pounced on him the way one kitten might have pounced on another, pushing him over backward onto the bed. She grabbed both of his breasts just so that she could feel his stiff nipples against her palms. "Oh, yeah! You even _feel_ manly, Ranma. I wonder what you feel like between the legs."

"I-ah-Ooh! Stop that! It...it...Oh, my goodness it feels so good!"

Akane stopped what she was doing. "You're right, Ranma. I really haven't got the time to get into this right now."

Onna-Ranma looked both relieved and frustrated at one and the same time. "Let's not go there. If Kasumi found out we were fooling around as girls she'd..."

"Say it was improper and stop you from seeing me at all," Akane finished for him. "I think it would be even worse if she knew that I don't mind you being a girl when... we ah..."

"See ya later, Akane," Onna-Ranma said, cutting her off in mid sentenced. As he climbed out the window, he said over his shoulder, "Give the platter to Kasumi. I'll pick it up from her in the morning."

"Will do, baka."

"Later, Tomboy."

* * *

Happosai stood on the roof of a warehouse, looking down at the men and forklifts working the docks below. They were very busy unloading bags of sand from a small freighter that had just docked. The sand was cerium rich monazite sand from Brazil and, therefore, radioactive. It had enough thorium 232 in it to make a Geiger counter growl an ominous warning. Happosai also knew that a short exposure to it was relatively harmless, but the Japanese are exceptionally sensitive to matters radioactive. They tend to react with their emotions, rather than their brains.

None of the longshoremen knew anything at all about what they were handling. It had been shipped under the accurate yet misleading name of "brown rare earth sand." Most of the longshoremen assumed that was some sort of unique and expensive building material bound for some rich person's mansion. Monazite had several of the rare earth elements in it other than thorium, so technically the labels on the bags were telling the truth-just not the _whole_ truth.

"I hope this satisfies, Kim Jong-il," Happosai muttered, "or whoever it is that does his dirty work for him. He ain't exactly the sort who would willingly expose himself to a radioactive substance."

"When do we get started, Master?" Genma Saotome asked. His rumbling voice sounded like large rocks bumping and grinding together. Genma's voice annoyed Happosai, but he was willing to tolerate it; Genma was his superior student.

"Ah, we'll give 'em an hour or two to finish and go home," Happosai answered. "No need to stir 'em up with a heist if it ain't necessary."

"I thought that it was part of our deal with the Naichou. Aren't we supposed to conduct a spectacular raid on the warehouse?"

"You are such a goddamn fool, Genma!" Happosai spat out. "What do ya think would happen to us if we did such a thing?"

Genma shrugged his broad shoulders. "We'd get arrested."

"Yes, we would! The trouble with that is I don't think that the Naicho would ever hold up their end of the bargain. They probably have men lying in wait for us as it is."

"Master, we have done many jobs for our nation's secret service before. We've never had a betrayal of that kind in the past," Soun interjected. "What makes you so suspicious?"

"I don't trust the ugly fucker who's in charge of the Naicho now," Happosai said. "Never have. Never will. Me and him go way back and he hates my guts. Besides, things have changed over the years. They always do. Ya gotta learn to see it and adapt to it before it gets ya."

"I was not aware that Nakamura-san bore a grudge for our master, Tendo-kun," Genma said. "You ever hear anything about why?"

"No, it's all news to me, Saotome-kun," Soun said. He gave shrug that indicated his bafflement. "I don't know what's going on or why. As far as I knew, this was a straight up theft-for-hire-job."

"Well, now you both know that it isn't as straight up as it appeared when I first accepted the job," Happosai said in an aggrieved voice. "We're stuck with the job, there's no gittin' out of it, but we also hafta dodge our employer. Sumthin' changed between the time I took the job and now. I just don't know what or why."

Genma growled and kicked at a small stone with the vertical support of his geta. The rock skipped away making ticking noises as it skittered across the hot mop roof. "Damned CIA

"Probably," Happosai answered. "It may also be MI6 that's applying pressure to our pretty boy bureaucrats and wannabe spies."

Soun grimaced and said, "Pity they haven't practiced any real espionage since the war. All they do nowadays is signals intelligence and spend their time writing reports on what they found in old newspaper articles."

"If you think that the people running the Naichou now are bad, you should have seen the maniacs who were in charge of the Kempeitai back during the war," Happosai said. His voice grated with menace. "They were vicious _and_ stupid. The worst possible combination you can have in an intelligence service."

Genma grunted. "No wonder we lost."

"Indeed, Saotome," Soun added. "It _does_ make you wonder when you learn that the old intelligence service was as incompetent as the one we have now."

"Ah, well!" Happosai said in an exasperated voice, "Incompetent then, incompetent now it doesn't matter one way or the other for us at the moment. What we need to do is to figger out a way to get the job we've contracted to do and get out with a whole skin while not getting arrested."

Genma grunted in response. "That's a tall order, Master, judging from what I can see out here. There are cameras everywhere as well as motion detectors inside the warehouse."

"How'dja know about the motion detectors inside, Genma?" Happosai asked.

"I took a look at their termination panel," Genma said. "The fools mounted it on the outside of the building where I could reach it unseen."

"Lasers?" Soun asked.

"No, just motion detectors and pressure pads on the floor. The terminations were carefully labeled so I'm pretty sure we can avoid tripping anything once we're past the cameras."

"Yeah, but those damned cameras are nothing to sneeze at," Happosai said. "They'll see us as plain as day before we can reach the entrances. Was there any way for us to get into the building near the termination panels?"

Genma shook his head.

"Dammit! The cameras are certain to work in the infra-red range, that means you can't use the Umisenken to get inside," Happosai said. He was very frustrated. Genma had worked his ass off developing a technique, named the Ocean-thousand-fist in English, that would make him disappear to human eyes, but he would show up as a moving blur on regular cameras and, if the cameras were sensitive to the near infra-red, he may as well not be using it. The cameras would capture him as plain as day while transmitting his image to the television monitors that a security man was paid to watch.

 _I could splash water on Genma_ _and send him as a panda, but too many people know about his curse,_ Happosai thought.

"We could resort a grand entrance ploy, Master," Soun said. "It would beat forcing our way in."

"I suppose you can just whistle us up a limo and driver complete with suits and sunglasses this time of night, right?" Happosai asked. His tone was about as acerbic as he could make it. Genma rolled his eyes.

"Well no, it would take time to put it all together," Soun said. He began showing the usual signs for a major fit of blubbering.

"You get a grip, Soun!" Happosai used his most threatening voice, and was gratified to see his middle-aged student stiffen. "We gotta do this tonight. There's no point in you clouding up. We'll go in using the Yamasenken! Somebody's gonna git hurt, but that's just the life we chose. Ready!"

Genma and Soun rolled their eyes and prepared themselves to charge in. Happosai continued his newly acquired favorite saying at times such as these. He had not started using it until _Starship Troopers_ had played in Tokyo theaters. "Steady! Go!"

The trio charged toward the warehouse, flinging vacuum blades they generated using the Mountain-thousand-fist technique. The first casualties were the cameras. The next was the poor fool who fired shots at the bouncing Happosai. He got taken out by on of the old man's homemade grenades, the so-called Happo-big-fire-burst or Happodaikarin. It took roughly thirty seconds for them to invade the warehouse interior. All three of them used their ki to try and mask their faces. It would take the analysts weeks to resolve their faces using big computers. The blurred images could be recovered using the latest in imaging software, but said software required huge computers to run on. Time on that class of machine was so expensive, that it was very unlikely that the work would ever be carried out.

The men inside were not Japanese. They were Americans, much to Happosai's disgust.

"Argh! You were right, Genma. It's the CIA," he said as he surveyed the unconscious men and the wreckage.

Genma shrugged his shoulders, "Just a lucky guess."

"Well, don't just stand around with yer teeth in yer mouth, boys! We got a truck to load."

Despite the weight of the monazite, Genma and Soun had it loaded, every last bag of it, on a heavy panel truck in under five minutes.

"Where to?" Genma asked as he got under the wheel of the truck.

"Dock 41," Happosai said. "There'll be a loading ramp waitin' on ya. Just drive the truck up the ramp, leave the keys in the ignition and run down the ramp."

"What if the ship's crew starts shooting at me as I leave?" Genma asked.

"Soun and I will have yer back, Genma. Don't worry. Besides, they really want this junk. I don't think that they will take any serious aim atcher."

"Where is this stuff going anyway?" Soun asked as he and Happosai got into car. Soun started the engine while Happosai laughed.

"The Democratic People's Republic of Korea."

"You've got to be shitting me!" Soun answered as the car's engine started. He put it into gear and started following the truck that Saotome was driving. "What is it for?"

"Nuclear fuel," Happosai answered.

"What?" Soun looked as though he was in a panic and Happosai figured that he would have been had he revealed it to Soun sooner, but Soun was just fine under pressure. He did not do so well in the early stages of a job. Happosai just loved springing this kind of thing on the lanky martial artist when it would make the man angry. He cried less and fought more.

"Sure, nuclear fuel for the reactors they don't have. It can't be used to make weapons-or at least that's what I'm told."

"But what could the North Koreans want with a fuel they cannot use in there existing reactors?"

Happosai shook his head. "Beats the hell outta me. I'm not a diplomat or an expert on nukes. I just steal stuff on spec."

"Don't we all," Soun said with a grimace. The truck in front of him slowed as Genma prepared to make a hard left.

"Here we go. It's all or nothing!" Soun shouted.

The truck Genma was driving crashed through the gates in front of the Dock 41 guard shack. Genma did not slow down and hit the ramp at something around 65 kph. Soun distracted the guards with his Demon's head attack while Happosai rendered them unconscious with his Happodaikarin. Genma came running down the ramp accompannied by several small arms being fired in more or less random directions as the ship started pulling away from the dock. He jerked the passenger door open and flung himself inside the car. The car rocked when he hit the seat.

"Done!" Genma shouted. "Make tracks Tendo-kun."

Soun laid down rubber on the surface of the dock as he jerked the Nissan sedan into drive and cut a half-circle to drive back though the security gate. After they left the immediate port area, he slowed down to a normal pace-40 kph. His ability to stay cool under pressure and drive at the speed limit was the main reason Happosai always chose Soun to drive the getaway car.

 _Le Trio Éprouvant_ heard the wail of sirens and saw flashing lights on the freeways the cops approached the port.

"Hmmph! Looks like we got away clean again," Happosai said. He sounded gleeful as though he had just stolen a big bag of panties. "Let's ditch this heap and head for home."

Soun spotted a likely place to wreck the car. They got out of the steaming wreck where it was wedged between two bolsters set up stop traffic from entering a narrow alley between two rows of buildings.

Genma surveyed the wreck with a practiced eye and said, "Nicely done, Tendo-kun. The cops will think that a drunk tried to make it between the bolsters. They may not even turn in the plates until late in the day tomorrow. They'll start looking for its owner first."

"Yes, well, let's go, boys," Happosai said allowing a note of approval to creep into his voice. "We still got to collect the other half of our money."

* * *

Ranma gritted his teeth with heartfelt anger. He found himself dealing with a genuinely dangerous criminal rather than the more usual street tough. The two of them were fighting in the middle of Kaga's Junkyard. Ranma's opponent knew just enough about fighting to be dangerous; the mean little roly-poly belonged in jail where the only people he could hurt would be his fellow criminals.

Ranma treated the little man as though he were a poisonous snake, using just enough force to keep him off balance. His plan was to wear him down and take him out as soon as he showed signs of fatigue. The guy was already winded, but he still held his _deba_ , the type of knife that Japanese use to cut up fish, at the ready. Ranma wanted him near total exhaustion before he made a finishing move. He kept lunging at Ranma and Ranma dodged just enough to slip the thrust. After the thug managed to cut Ranma's shirt, Ranma made a great show of being annoyed. Just for the sake of his opponents, every shirt he owned was his "favorite" shirt.

"Hey, now! That was my favorite shirt!"

"It'll be your favorite hide next time, you son-of-a-bitch!"

"Nyah, nyah! You momma's so fat she's on both sides the family!" Ranma was amazed at how angry the little man got.

"My mother wasn't fat. She was just big boned."

"Oh, yeah?" Ranma said in his best taunting voice. "That's the claim my old man tries to get away with. I heard that she was so big that whenever she went to the theater she sat next to everyone there."

Ranma could see that he had finally crossed the little man's line because his assault turned into a sudden flurry of frantic thrusts, each and every one of them intended to kill. Unfortunately for the little bastard, Ranma was faster. He was fast enough that he could be just barely faster while making it look as though he was tiring. The little man wanted Ranma to slow down so that he could kill him. He was so eager that he took the bait Ranma offered, hook, line and sinker. Just as the little man was about to collapse from his own exertions, it thundered.

"Aw, shit!" Ranma exclaimed. The cold rain invoked Ranma's curse, turning him into a female version of himself. The nasty little murderer that Ranma was struggling with watched with wide-eyed awe for a moment, then he spoke.

"That's the first time I have ever seen an entire make up job wash away with so little water! You're really a girl, aintcha?"

"You never heard of Jusenkyou, have you?" Ranma asked in a thoroughly peeved voice. "Ya can't even begin to imagine what I been through because of this."

"Jew whatever! I'm gonna have some fun with your dainty ass before I kill you." The nasty little murderer made a heartfelt attempt to gut Onna-Ranma, but Onna-Ranma was still just a hair too quick for the ill-tempered fool's lunges.

"You should put that thing away before somebody gets hurt," Onna-Ranma said in his high pitched voice.

"I'll put it away, all right," the little man said between gasps for much needed air. "I'll stick right in your nasty little snatch and watch you bleed out, bitch!"

Onna-Ranma responded by striking the man's wrist with the two largest knuckles on his right fist. The man cursed as he dropped his deba. Onna-Ranma backed away. "I'm givin' ya fair warnin', now. Put the knife away!"

The man picked up his over-sized knife and sprinted toward Onna-Ranma. Onna-Ranma danced to one side and let him charge past. Kaga's toe caught on a tire rim buried most of the way in the dirt of the junkyard. He howled with pain because the rim did not budge, but his toenails readily tore away. Kaga tripped, staggered for a few steps, then fell flat on his face. He gave out a loud cry right after he he splashed the rapidly thinning mud.

"Oh, shit! What have I done?" Kaga screamed and then had a coughing fit.

Onna-Ranma stood and watched the little man in silence. Kaga rolled onto his side and doubled up as though in great pain. "Oh, fuck-that-hurts! Fuck!-cough-Fuck!-cough-Fuck!-cough-cough."

Onna-Ranma watched as blood poured out of the man's mouth and body, but remained where he was. He had already learned the color of mercy and knew that it was red-from him-not his opponents. This time he remained unmoved by the bleeding of an opponent.

"What? You gonna let a little nick like that holdja back, Kaga? You otta be ashamed, man."

"Fuck you, bitch! Cantchu see that I'm dyin'?"

"Looks to me as though you're bleedin' some, but that little dab ain't enough to kill anybody. Get up and face me like a man, Kaga, you low-life asshole."

The man was so furious that he coughed up blood, and that was quickly followed by a pink foam. He was hurting so badly that when he looked at Onna-Ranma his eyes crossed. Onna-Ranma laughed out loud.

"Now ya know why I toldja to put that fish-chopper away, dontcha?" Onna-Ranma asked in a delighted voice. "I toldja that somebody would get hurt."

The man shuddered and began to kick with both legs. He flailed his arms around and rolled. The look on his face told Onna-Ranma that Kaga wanted to scream, but couldn't. Onna-Ranma grinned back at the dying little boob.

"Be seein' ya, asshole. Save me a front seat and a long poker."

Onna-Ranma cast his gaze around the junkyard in search of his shoes. Every time his curse was unexpectedly invoked, he lost his damned shoes. Matters were much worse if he was in his cursed form, wearing high heels or some other female type foot gear and was unexpectedly hit by hot water.

He once had an experience with a pair of very expensive, but very sensible, shoes that almost broke both of his feet. His father had always coped with the problem by wearing cotton tabi, toe socks, with traditional sandals made with rice straw. His panda form could break out of that kind of footwear without a problem. Ranma's guy type had enormous problems with modern footwear available to women. Even a pair of geta that fit loose on his girl-side could trap his male feet when he had an unexpected encounter with hot water.

By the time he found his shoes, his opponent was lying on the muddy ground very still while the raindrops danced on his face. Carrying his shoes in his left hand, Onna-Ranma checked the nasty little bastard's pulse. It was non-existent. Onna-Ranma shrugged his shoulders. The contract had simply called for hurting the nasty freak badly enough to keep him laid up for a week or so, but Kaga being dead by his own hand was as good a solution as any.

"Probably better than putting you in jail, you little shit," Onna-Ranma said to the dead man. " _Jigoku_ never lets anybody out-jails do."

With that, Onna-Ranma leaped to the top of a nearby wall and made his way back along his planned escape route to the place where he had shelter and dry clothes.

 _The old man would gripe at me for not going through Kaga's pockets and his office for valuables, but fuck that. Kaga died an accidental death. I don't want to tempt some over-eager cop into thinkin' it was a burglary covered up by a murder,_ Onna-Ranma thought _. I'm startin' to get cold on top of everything else. It's way past time I got home. I'll_ _tell Nabiki how our deal worked out this time. She'll understand why I didn't go through the dude's office._

Ranma called Tendo-ke only to be told by Kasumi that Nabiki was out and that she did not know where her younger sister was. Ranma thanked the eldest Tendou daughter and hung up. He grabbed an umbrella and then hopped roofs over to Nabiki's favorite _kissaten_ , coffee shop, and, bingo, there she was.

She looked up as he came in and said, "Hey, Saotome! How'd it go?"

"Not the way I intended," Ranma said.

She studied Ranma's face. "So, he's dead, right?"

"Yeah, he's dead, but I didn't kill him. He tripped and fell on his own knife."

Nabiki laughed. "You are one lucky bastard, you know that don't you?"

"You're not gonna chew me out for not goin' through his pockets or his office?"

"Hell no! You didn't did you?"

"No, I didn't want to leave any evidence for the cops to find."

"Good boy, Saotome. Good boy," she stood up and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"We are gonna still get paid though, right?"

"Oh, yeah! It could not have worked out better. Kaga-san's dead and out of our client's way. So long as the cops don't find any evidence for foul play, they'll be cool."

"How do you know that the cops won't go to them asking questions?"

"Unlike the majority of professional criminals in this country, Kaga never had that many friends anywhere, let alone in the halls of power. Believe me, there won't be any kind of problem at all."

Ranma visibly relaxed. "I really didn't kill the bastard. He tripped and fell on his knife. I wasn't nice to him though. I rode him hard until he died. He had so mad by the time that happened I started wishing that I _had_ put that knife in his lung."

"That confirms everything I have heard about Kaga-san. How long has it been since you ate?"

Ranma sighed. "I can't even remember. Breakfast early this morning, I think." The tension had etched his face with deep lines around his eyes and mouth.

Nabiki pulled out her Nokia cell phone. It was the latest thing in cellular communications. She dialed a number. "Yes, I'd like a table for two, please. Yes, I would. Two steaks with all the trimmings in peanut sauce. Hold on a sec," she looked up at Ranma, "You want a salad?"

"Will it have tomatoes and bell peppers?"

Nabiki gave him a hard stare. "You and your bell pepper. Probably not, but I'll ask..."

"That's okay," Ranma said. "I'll have the salad anyway."

"Okay, two salads, please," Nabiki said into the Nokia. "Yes, that would be great. We'll be there in fifteen minutes."

Nabiki closed her phone and put back in her purse, then she closed the thick tome she had been studying when Ranma came into the coffee shop.

"You and your damned bell pepper!" She groused. "Nobody in Japan likes bell pepper. When are you gonna get a clue?"

"Bell pepper's good, Nabiki. I'm wonderin' when everbody else is gonna catch on to a good thing."

"You and my little sister are the two most socially deaf people I know."

"What of that? What difference does it make?"

"This, my dear boy, is Japan, not the United States or even Canada," Nabiki said in exasperation. "We aren't into individualism."

"So says the grandmaster of The Anything Goes School of Capitalism," Ranma said with a rueful grin. You do realize that true capitalism is based on individualism."

Nabiki stopped putting on her coat and stared at Ranma in amazement. "Where'd you get that idea from?"

"You."

"Me?" Nabiki shrugged into her coat and then put on her raincoat over it.

"Yep. I think you must've gotten from a guy named Dugras Kesi or sumthin' like that," Ranma said. "He wrote a book you were reading..."

" _The Guerrilla Capitalist_?" Nabiki asked. "And it's Douglas Casey. Surely you didn't read that book. You never made a good grade in English class."

"Nah, I just listened to you talk about what was in it," Ranma said. "You got real excited every time you talked about it."

"I did?" Nabiki was clearly alarmed. "I did not realize that I was doing that."

"Relax, Nabiki," Ranma said. He felt a rueful grin growing across his face. "I know you better than most other people do. You're not quite the Ice Queen you make yourself out to be. Most people who deal with you on a daily basis aren't able to read you at all."

Nabiki swallowed a couple of times. Clearly she was upset. "I...wasn't aware that you..."

"Could read your body language? Come on, Nabiki. We've known each other for how long now? We've been living under the same roof with daily contact for three years now."

"Familiarity breeds contempt."

"Not really. It breeds friendship and comfort-provided you're a decent kind of person-and you are." Ranma picked up her heavy book and added, "Come on let's go before they set our table for someone else."

"They wouldn't dare," Nabiki said in a cold voice.

"Okay, so let's go before our steaks get cold and they hafta start over."

Nabiki brightened considerably at Ranma's comment. "Good idea, Saotome."

"Which way is it?"

"Turn left as you go out the door. It's just around the end of the block."

"There's a steak house in Nerima?" Ranma asked as they stepped outside.

"Yep, right around the next corner," Nabiki said. She was highly amused at her soon-to-be brother-in-law. "I can't believe that you haven't found it before now. It even puts a knife and fork down at your table."

"Really?" Rama asked. He was surprised. "I ate at a steak house in Canada, one time."

"Canada?" Nabiki was unable to keep the shock out of her voice. "When did you go to Canada?"

"Aw, silly me," Ranma said, "I hung on to the back of Ryoga's shirt one time just to see how he sets about getting lost the way he does."

"And you just popped up out of the ground in Canada, right?"

"Sumthin' like that, yeah."

"When did this happen?"

"When I tried to get him back to Akari's place the last time."

"Must've been exciting."

"It was. Do you know what chuckwagon race is?"

"No, not really."

"They're a lot like our yatai races, only they use four-wheeled wagons drawn by horses instead of two-wheeled carts pulled by men."

"Lemme guess. You and Ryoga got into one."

"How'd you know that?"

"Just a lucky, guess. Here we are. Smell it?"

Ranma took in a deep breath through his nose.

"Oh, yeah. _Steak_."

He opened the door and held it for Nabiki, something he would never have done for Akane, but would have done for Kasumi. All three for very different reasons, of course. For Kasumi opening a door and holding it was a sign of kind chivalry; for Akane such behavior was a subtle attempt to dominate and she resented it, but for Nabiki, it was a sign that she was the boss. She reveled in such treatment. Ranma was not as thick as everyone believed him to be.

He was very much like his father in that respect. Better to keep public expectations low and surprise people once in a while, than pretend to be on top of it all. Pretending to be on top of everything was a good way to disappoint someone important at the very worst possible moment. Not even the mighty Ranma could bat a thousand every day. He was as prone to making mistakes as anyone-especially the mistakes of the ill-timed sort.

The restaurant staff was very eager to please. Which made Ranma wonder if Nabiki was a partner in it.

"So, what's your connection to this place, Nabiki-chan?"

"I'm the senior partner here, Ranma-kun."

"Why am I not surprised?" he asked. His voice was sardonic. "D'ya mind tellin' me who gave us the contract on Kaga?"

"I'm not convinced that you're ready for it, Ranma-kun."

"Oh, really? I can go out and do the do-or-die shit, but I can't know who's givin' us the work?"

The waiter brought their salads, and yes, Ranma's had green and red bell pepper in it. Ranma hesitated when he saw it then became enthused.

"Got any _Midori Kami_ dressing?" He asked the waiter.

The waiter grinned and whipped a bottle of greenish sauce out of his personal hammer-space.

"Impressive," Ranma said. "I don't suppose you got any sunflower..."

Before Ranma could finish, out came a jar of carefully groomed sunflower seeds. Ranma tasted one and realized that it had been roasted to perfection.

"That's excellent!" Ranma said as he scattered out the toasted sunflower seeds on his salad. "Thanks loads."

The grateful waiter gave him a heartfelt bow and made off to look after other customers.

"Quit spoiling the help, Ranma-kun."

"He's doin' a good job, Nabiki-chan," Ranma answered as he carefully scattered salted sunflower seeds around on his salad. "I don't know if you noticed that or not. The man deserves praise."

"Just remember that to a waiter that praise means nothing if it isn't backed by a healthy tip."

"It always comes down to money with you, doesn't it?" Ranma carefully dribbled his favorite salad dressing over the lettuce in his bowl.

"How would you like to live without money, Saotome-san?" Nabiki asked in an icy voice.

This brought Ranma up short. He stared at his soon to be sister-in-law and reflected for a moment before saying anything. "I don't suppose I would. Especially with what Akane's education is costing."

"You need to spend some time thinking about what that means, Saotome-kun," Nabiki said. "You might even learn to recognized things that most people don't even bother with."

"Thanks for giving me something to meditate on in my spare time, Nabiki-chan," Ranma said. "Now, what about the contract on Kaga? Who was it from?"

"I'm pretty sure it came from the police," Nabiki said without blinking an eye. "This one guy calls me once in a great while. It always involves a perp that the police haven't had any luck busting."

Ranma felt himself freeze up at the mention of the police. "So now we are on the side of the law?"

"Not really. We're basically expendable assets to our illustrious policemen," Nabiki said in a tired voice. "If they can save us and not lose face at one and the same time, they do. Otherwise, we get sacrificed." All it takes for us to become screwed is the mere risk that a government official might lose face."

"And here I thought that we are completely outside the law all the time on everything," Ranma said with genuine wonder in his voice. He paused to stuff a mix of lettuce, onion, tomato and bell pepper into his mouth. It was coated with the _Midori Kami_ sauce and there were a few crunchy sunflower kernels mixed in. Ranma was delighted by the mix of flavors and textures.

"Make no mistake about it, Saotome-kun," Nabiki said. "We are. The very first time you start to think that you're above the law, or immune to the cops, they will bust your ass so hard that it will take us years to get sunlight in to you."

Nabiki's face told Ranma more than her words did. It told him that she was more serious about what she was telling him than anything else she had ever told him.

"It doesn't seem right, that's all," Ranma said in a saddened voice.

Nabiki shrugged her shoulders. "It isn't right-not by a long shot. Were everything right with the world, there'd be no need for martial arts and no need for those who practice them."

They paused as two waiters arrived with their steaks. Both of the steaks were a little over two centimeters thick, roughly one-and-a-quarter sun, and served on plates running with peanut sauce. Each of them had an ice cream scoop of mashed baked potato mixed with green onions, butter and bacon. Nabiki added a dollop of sour cream to hers while Ranma waved it off. He had never liked sour cream. Almost as an afterthought another waiter opened two Tsingtao beers for them and poured both into glasses that had been stored in freezer.

The bake potato brought back a fond memory for Ranma. "Just who is the junior partner in the place, Nabiki-chan?"

"Chardin-san," Nabiki answered with a cat got the canary grin. "He got more than he bargained for when he wanted to marry a Tendou, didn't he?"

Ranma threw his head back and laughed. Nabiki stared because it was the very first time Ranma had ever done such a thing in front of her.

"I can't imagine anyone who deserves it more than him!"

"This place is making a lot of money, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said in an offended voice. "All the rest of their places are swimming in red ink."

"Like I said, I don't know of anyone who deserves it more," Ranma said between fits of giggles. "He needed someone like you to keep his ass on the straight and narrow."

"Oh, you mean its the same way with you, right?"

"Yes, exactly!" Ranma chortled. "Akane and I need someone to keep us on the straight narrow. I'm just at a loss to understand why that turns out to be _you_ instead of Kasumi."

Ranma sampled the beer and realized that it was the very first beer that he had tasted and liked. It had a very clean finish compared to all the others he had tasted, leaving him with almost no aftertaste. He took another large pull on his glass and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Damn, _that's_ good."

Nabiki grinned at him and took a fairly large swallow out of her own glass. She dabbed at her mouth with a napkin, rather than wiping it with the back of her hand. "There is little to no profit in being a saint, Ranma-kun. And you're right. Tsingtao is a good beer. That's why I insisted this place stock it."

Ranma was highly amused by Nabiki's statements. He raised his glass and said, "So, here's to us sinful profiteers!"

Nabiki cocked her head and stared at him. "What makes you think that profits are sinful?"

This took Ranma back a bit. "Well, you can't make money and be a saint, now can you?"

"No, but then as far as I am concerned, being a saint is sinful."

Ranma set his glass back down on the table. "So you have hated your dear sister all these years, haven't you?"

"In a sisterly way, yes," Nabiki said as she gave Ranma a dry-eyed stare. "We've always been polar opposites."

Ranma took a reasonably small bite of his steak and chewed it while he thought this over. Chewing it did not take long. The steak was as tender as it was thick. He opened his mouth to speak, but Nabiki beat him to it.

"How well do you think our family would have done with just Kasumi and her housekeeping?"

Ranma immediately saw Nabiki's point. All of her scheming and gambling-scratch that-Nabiki did not gamble. She managed odds and made money at it, just as well as most insurance companies and hedge fund managers did.

"You guys were nearly penniless when the old man and me showed up. Had it not been for you, matters would have gotten worse-a lot worse."

"So which of the two of us do you still consider the better?"

"That's hard to say, Nabiki-chan," Ranma answered. "I needed both of you when Shit-daddy and I first got here."

"I thought so," Nabiki answered with an evil grin. "You place your value judgments on what and who you need, right?"

Ranma suddenly felt as though he were a selfish monster. It must have shown in his face, because Nabiki gave him a knowing look and said, "Don't feel so bad, Ranma-kun. Everyone does that. People like Kasumi have their place in this battered old world, just as you and I do. Without women like her, there'd be no one to raise the kids and see after all the households." She took another healthy pull at her beer.

"But you don't really like her for what she does, right?" Ranma asked.

"As it happens, I think that she's an unforgivably self-righteous witch despite her being my sister."

"I suppose you know what she must think of you, then, right?"

Nabiki tried to snort and inhaled part of the beer she was trying to drink. She had a minor coughing fit that brought a waiter running with a towel, but she waved him off after accepting the towel he brought. Once she had gotten everything taken care of she started talking again.

"She almost certainly thinks of me as a greedy self-serving whore, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said with a knowing smile, "but she also remembers that I'm her sister. She would never do anything that would hurt me or anything or anyone I value. That's just part of her Saint Kasumi act."

Ranma pursed his lips as his brow wrinkled with worry. "I know that you and your elder sister are two very different people, Nabiki-chan. What I don't know is what to do about it. Kasumi certainly does not belong in the same house as the rest of us do."

"What? You mean that she's too good for the likes of us?"

"That's one way of putting it," Ranma said. "From what I see though, is that she is so unlike the rest of us that she doesn't really fit in that well."

"Ah, yes! The inevitable martyrdom of a saint! That's my sister, all right."

"Who said anything about her dyin'?" Ranma asked in alarm. "What is going through that twisty little mind of yours?"

"Certainly not the death of my elder sister, Ranma-kun," Nabiki answered. She waived at the waiter who seemed to pop up out of the floor and quiver. "I'd like another beer, please. How about you, Ranma-kun? Another beer?"

"Why not?" Ranma asked. "It's really good beer."

"Kasumi's entire life is an act of ongoing martyrdom," Nabiki said. "She has never had sex; never gone out since Mom died; never done anything that she could simply enjoy. All she has ever done since Mom died is cook, clean, sew, and go to church on Sundays. And for what? Do you think she enjoys her life?"

Ranma found himself struck dumb by this revelation, even though it should not have been a revelation. He had lived with the Tendou family for years. Kasumi was simply a given to him, as though she were simply part of the house. It made him think of a character in a Saturday morning cartoon set in the future. "She's like a robot maid."

"Can a robot have feelings, Ranma-kun?"

"Aw shit, Nabiki-chan! I can't answer that and you know it. You'd hafta to ask an engineer for an answer to that kind of question!"

Frustrated by Nabiki's unanswerable question, he let it show in his voice. "It can't be a very satisfying life, though. Spending every minute of every day worrying about someone else and what it is that they want. You're right. I ain't cut out to be a Kasumi."

"I have news for you, Ranma-kun, no one is cut out to live that way-not even my sainted sister is cut out for it. She'll wake up an old maid one of these days realizing that she wasted her entire life and then she'll turn into a drunk and start calling all of us bad names."

Ranma shuddered at the vision Nabiki had just put in his head. "We gotta do sumthin' before that happens."

"I agree, Ranma-kun."

"Even if she ends up hating us for it," Ranma said, "it'd be worth it."

Nabiki stared at Ranma for a long time. He could almost hear the cogs grinding in her head. He found it unnerving.

"I owe you an apology, Saotome-kun."

"For what? All those pictures you took and sold to the guys at Furinkan?"

"No, that was simply necessary. Besides, I sold more pictures of your male half to the girls at Furinkan and they always paid more than the guys did. We were so desperate for money at the time we were about to be kicked out of our house."

Ranma was surprised by that. "Ya mean you still owed money on the place?"

"No, Daddy paid cash for it, but we were going into our second year of not paying taxes on it. Governor Ishihara was about to make our lives impossible when you and your curse showed up. I was able to hold off the government for another year by selling pictures of your two types. Shortly after that, Happosai, returned and the money started _really_ roll in."

Ranma stared at Nabiki in horror. "So then you started peddling all those panties that nasty _hentai_ was stealing, right?"

"That's about the size of it, yeah," Nabiki said. "I'm not quite so proud of that as I should be because I'm a feminist at heart, but we stayed in business. That's all that really matters."

Ranma found the idea that Nabiki would be proud of having sold stolen panties something to be proud of distressing. "So, what do you owe me an apology for?"

"I misjudged you," she said. "When you and your shitty dad arrived, I decided that you were basically just a dumb jock that would never be able to wrap his brain around anything that mattered. Turns out, I was wrong. I made a very bad call."

Ranma did not know whether he should be offended or delighted. _Maybe somewhere in between the two,_ he thought. "So what changed your mind about me, Nabiki-chan?"

"I think my opinion of you started to change when you locked horns with Prince Haabu, but then I changed my mind completely when you came stumbling out of the rubble of our dojo and took charge of your life."

Ranma felt all of his alarm systems shutdown. _She respects me now, that's the real difference. Before I was nothing but a play-toy for her to torment like a cat torments_ _its_ _prey before it eats. Now, she respects me for who and what I am_.

"Turns out that I am more than just a knuckle draggin' jock, huh?"

"Not that you don't act like one, Ranma-kun, but yes you're right. You have proven to have a great deal more intelligence than I thought you had at first."

"I don't know if I should feel pleased or persecuted."

Nabiki took a bite of her steak and gave Ranma an evil grin. "I think you should do both, Saotome-kun. You have enough reasons to feel both at the same time."

Ranma felt a quiver start in the scalp on top of his head. It worked its way down the back of his neck and into his spine and did not stop until after it has spread out a cross the soles of his feet.

"See? What did I tell you?"

Not be outdone, Ranma took a bite of his steak and gave Nabiki an even more evil grin. "Now I know why Kuno Tatewaki hates you so much."

Nabiki cackled with laughter. "Every guy I know seems to hate me at least a little bit."

"That's cause you scare the bejeebers out of 'em, Nabiki-chan," Ranma said before taking another bite of steak. "You thought that you had gotten around that problem by dropping out of the art, but what you started studying makes a man even more nervous."

"So, what do you have in mind for Kasumi, Ranma-kun?"

"Give me some time to think about it," Ranma said. "I just now found out that she's in serious trouble. What about Tofu?"

"She never cared for him at all, romantically speaking," Nabiki said. "I mean, who can blame her? How would you feel if a grown man like Tofu started acting schizoid every time you showed up? Just the age difference alone is a put off, but then he goes and makes matters worse."

"You do realize that you are talking to a guy that has been chased by some world class nut-cases, right? I mean, Kodachi, Ucchan, Shampoo, even my own mother is a wee bit out of plumb. Akane, your other sister is about as stable as nitroglycerin, you know."

Nabiki cackled again. She even hooted so that she sounded like Kodachi. Ranma found this especially unnerving. It was so unlike Nabiki. She finally sobered up and looked Ranma right in the eye. "Sure you don't want to change your engagement from Akane to Kasumi?"

Ranma snorted at this one. "Hah! If I wanted to run Kasumi out of the house I might try it. She can't stand me."

"And you can't abide me, can you?"

Ranma was surprised by this. "Nah, its not like that, Nabiki-chan. I'm always cautious with you, but it's not like I hate ya or nothin'. You have a great love of mischief and are quick to spot the weaknesses in others. You could have been great at the art if you had stuck with it."

"As great as you?"

"That would be saying something, wouldn't it? You might have had some strengths that I lack, but I doubt that you could have ever beat me in a purely physical contest."

"See? Now you know another reason why I gave up the art. I just could not stand the thought of playing second fiddle to anyone in anything."

"Too proud to settle for second place, are you?" Ranma asked.

Nabiki took a long sip of her beer, then she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and gave Ranma an evil grin. "Howdja guess?"

It was Ranma's turn to let out a heartfelt belly laugh and he did. The late supper stretched out into the late evening and became a drinking and lying contest. Ranma would never know who won it. He was too hungover the next day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Return to Normalcy: Chapter 5**

Onna-Ranma woke up with something very soft and warm lying on the left half of his body. He wondered what was wrong. He had a headache the likes of which he had not suffered since the catastrophic attempt to wed Akane Tendou-that day he had several improvised explosive devices go off in his face followed by the entire practice hall falling in on him.

He suddenly realized that he had an extremely foul taste in his mouth that he really and truly did not like. An involuntary shiver wracked his body. His mouth tasted as though an entire army marched by, using his it as a latrine as they passed. Then he remembered being on his knees before the Porcelain Altar of Bacchus, throwing up everything including the bathroom slippers. He heard a clicking noise, much like the shutter on a cheap camera snapping. This alarmed him and he tried to open his eyes. The flash hammered his eyelids shut while driving spikes of pain deep into his brain. He winced.

"Ouch! That's too frickin' bright. Stop it!"

Someone, who sounded very much like, Kasumi tittered. The cheap-ass camera snapped repeatedly: snap-grind, snap-grind, snap-grind...

"Who are you and why are you taking pictures of me? Nabiki? Stop that you rotten bitch."

The titter came again, but it was not Nabiki's voice. Onna-Ranma tried to open his eyes one more time. It was Kasumi. She gave him the most evil smirk he had ever seen. It was so evil that it shocked his brain numb and his severe headache diminished by an order of magnitude.

"Kasumi? Why are you doin' that?"

Kasumi practically shouted with laughter as she danced around in a circle around him, snapping more and more pictures. Onna-Ranma felt his muscles instantly seize as though he had fallen into a deep pool of freezing water. It was then that he realized that what he had taken for a dog pile was actually rather womanish. He turned his head to one side and struggled to focus his eyes on the woman that was cuddled up against his left side. What his brain told him made him shake his head and the sudden pain from that blinded him with tears. He struggled to clear his vision without wiping his eyes. Yes, brain is right. That's Nabiki lying here cuddled up to me.

"Oh, fuck!"

"Surprised, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked.

"Uh..."

"She's had a severe letch on for you since you got here, you know."

Ranma groaned. "You gotta be shittin' me, Kasumi."

"Tut-tut! Language. You've already dropped the F-bomb within my range of hearing this morning."

"Oy! Wake up, Nabiki-chan!" Onna-Ranma said in an almost shout.

Onna-Ranma shook the Ice Queen with his left arm as best he could. That arm was tingling from being pinned down for so long by Nabiki's body.

The middle Tendou daughter groaned and slapped Ranma's chest with the flat of her left hand.

"Quiet, you rude bitch. I'm trying to sleep here."

"We are lying on the mats in the tatami room, right next to the table, dummy! Wake up!"

"I don't wanna."

Kasumi cackled and blazed away with the Kodak 125 Instamatic®. She apparently used the last frame of film in the cartridge because she started trying to rewind the camera.

"Nabiki," Ranma said with growing desperation in his voice, "We are being watched. Wake up."

"Don't wanna. Leave me 'lone," Nabiki mumbled into Ranma's left shoulder. "Tell 'im to go way!"

"It's Kasumi-san, Nabiki," Ranma said. The desperation in his voice was still growing. "She has a camera."

"She has a what?" Nabiki asked. She raised her head. Ranma could see that her eyes were crossed and that she was desperately trying to focus her vision. "Ow! Shit! Where?"

"Right there," Ranma nodded his head in Kasumi's direction. The eldest of the Tendou girls was standing with her back to the open engawa and cold damp air poured into the tatami room, washing across Onna-Ranma and making his nipples perk up.

"We ain't exactly in an innocent lookin' position, ya know."

Nabiki rolled away from Onna-Ranma and looked around the room. She sat up, putting her arms behind her with her palms flat on the tatami for support. She was not wearing a bra under her rather too thin shirt and the cold made her nipples stand out even more than Onna-Ranma's bosom.

"Oh, shit!" Nabiki exclaimed. "What are you doing, Kasumi-chan?"

"I might ask you the same thing, Nabiki-chan," Kasumi said, doing her best to contain her amusement, but not quite succeeding.

Onna-Ranma stared at Nabiki's goosebumps as they did a full body ballet on her skin. It was very amusing to watch, but Onna-Ranma could not understand how they had gotten caught in such a very compromising position.

"Where's your bra, Nabiki-san?" Onna-Ranma asked. "Why aren't you wearing one?"

Nabiki glanced down at herself and then through her head back in dismay.

"Oh, no! I took it off last night," Nabiki answered. "It was an older bra and it had been chafing me all day."

Ranma breathed a huge sigh of relief. _At least I didn't take it off._

Kasumi finally laughed out loud at this. Onna-Ranma watched as the situation finally got through to the thinking part of Nabiki's brain. It was a fascinating process to see, because it shocked her so badly that she became ill. He had never seen her move so fast in all the time he had resided at Tendo-ke-well, not since that time Principal Kuno hired her to be a member of the _Trio of Evil_. She had legged it out of harm's way pretty fast that time as well, but not quite so fast as she was this morning. She slammed the sliding door open to the furoba and he heard her retching almost immediately.

"You, are going to clean that up, Nabiki-chan," Kasumi called out in her mildest voice. The one she used when she meant business.

"I will-wha-ack-Kasumi!" Nabiki said between retches.

Kasumi laughed out loud. It was the nastiest laugh Onna-Ranma had ever heard and it was coming from Kasumi of all people. He shuddered and got to his feet.

"I need a bath," Onna-Ranma said as he made a fact at his own body odor.

"Yes, you do," Kasumi said as her grin became even more evil and knowing. "You should go get one."

Onna-Ranma went upstairs to his room and dug out some fresh clothing. Kasumi was in the kitchen when he stumbled back down the stairs.

"Where's, Akane?" he asked as he stuck his head through the cased opening of the kitchen. It didn't have a door, just half-curtains to prevent passersby from casually looking into Kasumi's sacred demesne-a common custom in Japan because only a minor fraction of Japanese women were capable or even had an inclination to keep a kitchen the way Kasumi did.

"Lucky for you and Nabiki, she's at Yuka's house. They are studying together. She'll be home tonight. The elders are all out on a training mission, much like you and Nabiki were on last night I imagine," Kasumi answered. "I'll have breakfast ready in a few minutes."

"I'm gonna get a cold wash outside, Kasumi-san."

"What a wonderful idea, Ranma-kun," Kasumi said with her usual sunny smile. "Breakfast in ten minutes."

Onna-Ranma slowly nodded his head in answer and wandered out into the garden to find the hose that Soun used regularly for his winter ablutions-and sobering up. By the time Onna-Ranma finished washing himself off, drying off, and putting on fresh clothes, he was very much ready for some warmth.

Ten years of training on the road inured him to the cold and wet, but he had never learned to like it. He was craving a nice long sit near the kotatsu by the time he re-entered the house.

True to her word, Kasumi had breakfast sitting on the table for him-scrambled eggs with rice, bacon and several buns with both orange juice and coffee. He took a long pull on the orange juice and the hammering in his head started to subside a little. Nabiki was not at the table, but Kasumi came out of the kitchen and sat down on the far side of the table from Onna-Ranma.

"Would you like some hot water?" she asked.

"Not yet, Kasumi," Onna-Ranma said. "Where's Nabiki?"

"She's still in the furo," Kasumi said with a sunny smile. "I don't think she's quite ready to eat."

Ranma heard faint sounds of someone suffering from the dry heaves and shuddered.

"I suppose you're right, Kasumi-san," Onna-Ranma said. He picked up some scrambled eggs and rice with his chopsticks and stuffed it into his mouth. "Excellent meal, Kasumi-chan."

Kasumi smiled at him the way she had always done in the past. She even nodded her head at him and said, "Thank you, Ranma-kun."

Behind him he could hear more retching noises coming from the furoba. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Despite all his precautions guarding against Happosai's depredations, Konatsu was the first one to fall into one of the old lecher's traps. He accidentally sprang the trap while he and Ukyou were shopping for The Ucchan. Sensing that something wrong was behind him, he whirled round just in time to see two grinning pre-teenaged girls with a small wooden cask held between them.

He tingled all over as the cursed waters of Jusenkyou abruptly distorted his carefully disguised masculinity into a very complete womanhood. He felt every change the curse made to his body so that it would be female, including the shriveling and reshaping of his genitalia.

 _I don't remember Ranma-san ever saying anything about how this feels,_ he thought as he felt his testicles disappear. _No wonder he hates having cold water hit him._

The two girls did not realize what they had done to him, other than getting him wet with water out of the traditional oaken casket, but they did sense that something very bad had happened to the butt of their joke. Their cute little faces suddenly became distraught with guilt.

Onna-Konatsu waved them away for two reasons; they clearly did not realize that the water the old man paid them to splash him with came from Jusenkyou; he experienced immediate and acute problems with his wardrobe. For instance, the brassiere containing the the falsies he wore was now entirely too small. This meant that he was having enormous difficulty breathing, and that his newly formed breasts-the magics of Jusenkyou were always more generous than human genetics-were hurting to beat the devil. The other, less problematical, wardrobe failure he experienced was that he had walked right out of his footwear, even though he had tiny feet for a man, his feet were now much smaller.

He teared up almost immediately, thereby clouding his ordinarily sharp vision. Shortness of breath forced him to his knees, which drew the attention of his dear Ukyou-sama. He could see that his patron was confused and alarmed by what happened to him, but did not understand what it was.

"Konatsu, honey! What's wrong?" Ukyou asked. She was deeply alarmed.

The crowd of Nerimaeans knew all the signs of something seriously out of the ordinary and they had already moved away from the struggling kunnoichi, but Ukyou's shout made them flinch even further away into an even larger circle.

"Who did this to you?" Ukyou asked. Onna-Konatsu, unable to breath properly, could not give an audible answer. All he could manage was wheeze and a desperate gurgle while shaking his head.

"You can't breath, can you?"

Onna-Konatsu nodded his head.

Ukyou realized what Onna-Konatsu's problem was a second later. She slipped one of her small throwing spatulas down the back of his shouzoku, using it to cut his bra strap. Onna-Konatsu gratefully gasped for much needed air.

Ukyou was examining the cask. "Looks like they threw Jusenkyou water on you. You're cursed aint-cha, sugar?"

"Yes. I...I'm a...I'm a real girl now!" Konatsu exclaimed in an unexpectedly high pitched voice. His voice was naturally high, rather than the falsetto he normally used to hide his masculinity-but then he no longer had any masculinity to hide.

Ukyou looked horrified and worriedly bit at her lower lip.

"It's only right, you know. You've been faking everyone out about your being a girl for as long as I've known ya. Now you're getting' your wish, aintcha?"

"How would you like a curse that turns you into a man when you get splashed with cold water?"

"Er...I ...ah..."

"You wouldn't, would you? Even though you pass yourself off as a guy every day, day in and day out, you don't want to be a real guy! Am I right?

Ukyou's face grew long and sad. "No, I wouldn't."

"Well guess what? I never wanted to be a real girl," Onna-Konatsu said in his newly acquired soprano voice, "but now I _am_ one."

"Yeah, you even have red hair the way Ran-chan does when he gets wet. That's the only reason I knew that you had been cursed."

"I wonder what possessed those two girls to throw that stuff on ya?"

"It's Happosai's doing," Onna-Konatsu said between clinched teeth. "He put those gakki up to do it."

Ukyou looked shocked and confused.

"Oh, now wait a minute!" she said, "I can see him stealing my underwear, he does that all the time, but why on earth would he want you to be a part time girl?"

"It's just another womb at his sick party," Onna-Konatsu said. "He wants to have as many heirs to his perverted school as he can get."

Ukyou winced as a wave of goose-flesh rippled up from the soles of her feet and washed all over her body. "What do you mean?"

"Just what I said," Onna-Konatsu shouted. His voice sounded very nearly like a good soprano performing an opera. "He wants as many heirs for his school as can get! The more powerful they are, the better."

Ukyou stared at him as though he were a more than a little mad which angered her friend and helpmate.

"Why do you think you and Akane are both engaged to Ranma Saotome? Why do you think that Shampoo, who is a violent Chinese girl, is still in the running as a fiancée after what happened at Jusendou? Huh? Both of you are still in the running as Ranma's lovers or wives, even after the two of you wrecked his and Akane's wedding ceremony! Why do you think that is?"

Ukyou's mouth worked, but no audible words came from her.

"It's not about Ranma," Onna-Konatsu said. "It's all about what Happosai wants for his perverted school of martial arts. He's been planning to give you a curse from Jusenkyou as well."

"N-o-o-o-o!" Ukyou screamed. "That can't be!"

"He told me was going to splash you with ater from the Spring of Drowned Man a few days ago. Ranma and I discussed it. Ranma warned me to be on the lookout for something like this, but I never dreamed that the old lecher would involve gakki in his nasty schemes."

"For what? An attack on you?"

"No! An attack on us both. He already has me converted; you're going to be next. Make no mistake about it."

"But why?" Ukyou asked. "Surely...surely he doesn't think that you'd ever..."

"Who knows what goes through that perverted old fart's piddly little mind?" Onna-Konatsu asked.

He was holding his pants up with his right hand and the legs of his britches were stacked up in a series of folds around his now much shorter legs. Jusenkyou had changed him into yet another version of Onna-Ranma. Onna-Konatsu would now pass for a sister of the girl that drowned at Jusenkyou. He was no longer tall and willowy. He was now short and voluptuous.

Ukyou shuddered inwardly, but kept her face calm.

"Let's go get you some hot water so that you can change back."

"Good idea, Ukyou-sama," Onna-Konatsu said as he picked up his rice straw sandals. "That way we can finish shopping with all my clothes falling off, anyway."

Someone in the crowd produced a kettle of hot water and poured on the very grateful male kunnoichi. Konatsu put his sandals back on after thanking the woman who had poured hot water on him. The hot water only just barely countered the curse. His clothing was still soaked with cold water and it threatened to change him back into the curse it preferred him to be in. He gave Ukyou a hard stare.

"You know that pair of chef's clogs you've been wanting to buy? The ones with the Velcro straps?"

"Yeah, what about 'em?" Ukyou asked.

"We had better go get you a couple of pair just to be on the safe side."

"Why?" Ukyou asked.

"Can you wear your father's shoes?"

"Nah, never. Not even on my best day could I ...Oh! Your worried that the old pervert might actually..."

"Yes, I am. And if he does, and you're wearing the shoes you have on now, they will hurt like hell. They might even cripple you by ruining your feet."

Ukyou looked down at her feet and gasped. "I never thought about that."

"Well, you should. Haven't you watched what happens to Onna-Ranma's shoes when every Ranma gets splashed?"

"He walks right out of his shoes...Oh, shit! Oh, dear!"

"Oh, shit, oh, dear, is right," Konatsu said. He had such a wry look on his face that Ukyou could feel it on her skin. "Let's go get you a pair of breakaway clogs right now before we buy anything else."

"I don't have enough money to do that today, Konatsu-honey, Ukyou said. "I gotta shop for the restaurant first. If I have any money left over then I'll..."

"Don't worry about that," Onna-Konatsu said, with more than a little pride in his voice. "I can cover it."

Ukyou gave him a startled look.

"I've been working with Ranma-san after closing time," Onna-Konatsu said. "We've made quite a bit of money together."

Ukyou's look now became incredulous. "My Ran-chan has found a way to make money? Really?"

Onna-Konatsu nodded his head and grinned at his lover. "Oh, yes. He's making a great deal of money at the moment."

"What's he doing to make money?" Ukyou asked.

Onna-Konatsu shook his head. "I promised not to tell anyone and you don't really want to know."

Ukyou's face hardened suddenly. "He's not robbing people or extorting money from people, is he?"

Onna-Konatsu shook his head. "No, he isn't doing anything like that."

"He's not working in bars as a girl, is he?"

"No!" Konatsu exclaimed. He was deeply frustrated with Ukyou's curiosity and could no longer maintain his facade of constant tranquility. "Let's just say that there is more than one honorable way to skin cats, okay?"

Ukyou looked very troubled by Konatsu's claim, but clearly she was at a loss to explain her former fiancé's sudden prosperity.

"It was awful nice of him to cut you on his deal, Konatsu-honey."

"Just think of it as his way of paying you back for all those years of misery, Ukyou-sama."

Onna-Konatsu watched as a brief flash of pain lit his Ukyou-sama's face. She fended it off much quicker than she ever had before.

"I got no claim on him anymore. You're my lover now, and I deeply appreciate you for being faithful to me this last year."

Onna-Konatsu felt his insides turn into hot goo. "You know you can count on me for anything, Ukyou-sama-anything at all."

She gave him one of her sunniest smiles. "Yes, I do. You really do know how to please a woman."

"And you know how to please a man, Ukyou-sama," Onna-Konatsu said. "At least you know how to please me."

She gave him a hug in public, something that is very seldom done in Japan.

"Let's go get you some clogs. I have some things I need to buy as well. My curse has made a change in wardrobe necessary."

"You gonna go see Ran-chan tonight?" Ukyou asked.

"Yes, he needs to be told about this development. After this, there is no way to predict what else his master might do," Onna-Konatsu said.

"You should show him what your girl type looks like," Ukyou said. "That way he'll know who you are the next time he sees you. His being able to recognize your girl side might prevent an unfortunate accident."

Onna-Konatsu was impressed with Ukyou's suddenly acquired ability to think ahead. "That's a very sound bit of thinking, Ukyou-sama. I will show him my curse."

"Good. Wouldn't do to have him kill you on accident."

Onna-Konatsu put his arm around her waist. "No, it wouldn't."

They walked into the shoe shop together.

* * *

On the other side of Nerima, Nabiki was slowly recovering from her hangover. She and Ranma had stopped eating and started serious drinking after they had finished their steaks the night before. She was still astounded that their debauchery had begun with a completely innocent steak dinner. It had been a classic example of one innocent thing leading to another until the sum total was anything but innocent.

"I'm going to have to be careful around him from now on," she muttered to herself. "Another night like that one and no telling what I might do to him. He is such a hunky piece of junk."

 _Not only would my baby sister be peeved, I have finals to concentrate on. I don't have time to wrestle the likes of Ranma between the sheets. I gotta get my weak little mind off of him._

She walked out the gate of Furinkan, planning on making a stop at her favorite kissaten for a revivifying cup of coffee before going home. She was walking along practically tasting the coffee to come when two pre-teenaged boys slipped up behind her with a cask of water. They had mischievous grins on their faces. The water took her completely by surprise.

It hit her from behind soaking her to the skin. The curse took effect immediately, trapping her feet in her suddenly undersized leather shoes. The pain was incredible. The two pre-teens dropped the cask and took off for parts unknown.

"Ow! Shit! Dammit this hurts! What the hell is going on with my feet!" She screamed as tears flooded her eyes and blurred her vision. "Oh, shit this hurts!"

The pain distracted her from what her new body had done to her school uniform. Her suddenly male body had burst nearly every seam in it. Happosai bounced out and used his mysterious panty-plucking technique to rescue her feet from her entrapping shoes. Her eyes were so watered up and Happosai was so fast that he was gone before she could notice. All she could tell was that her feet were suddenly much better. She was too busy rubbing them to think about what happened to her.

The pain subsided after a few minutes, and Nabiki started recovering her wits.

 _What just happened here?_ She wondered. _Did someone hit me with Jusenkyou water? What is all this black hair on my feet, for crying out loud and why are they so big? Why are my thighs hurting as though someone tied tight strings around them at my crotch?_

"Nabiki no oya-bun?" one of her more timid minions asked. "Did you just get hit with Jusenkyou water?"

Otoko-Nabiki froze as if she had been embedded in ice. Shaking herself she scrabbled at her purse with over-sized hands equipped with surprisingly blunt and clumsy fingers. She found her compact and opened it. A younger version of Tendou Soun looked back out of the mirror at her.

"Dammit!" Otoko-Nabiki exclaimed in a melodious baritone voice. "I look so much like my dad that it's scary. I hope I don't start having crying fits like he does-shit!"

The minion bridled at Otoko-Nabiki's plaintive outbursts, but stuck around.

"Did you see who it was that threw the water on me?" Otoko-Nabiki asked her now tremulous minion.

"It was two local gakki. I also saw the old pervert bounce through here. He took your shoes off for you."

"Arrgh! It figures that the old pervert would be involved in something like this!" Otoko-Nabiki exclaimed. She heard a gasp on her left. It was Kuno.

"What is this foul sorcery Tendou Nabiki?" he asked in a demanding voice. Even his questions sounded like pompous pronouncements. The boy simply could not help himself.

"It's called a Jusenkyou Curse, Kuno-chan," Otoko-Nabiki said in a bitter voice that was much deeper than it normally was. "This is what afflicts Ranma Saotome. It's the bane of his existence-especially the way you react every time you see your tree-born kettle girl."

Kuno froze as though he had been struck with a bolt of his own lightning. He stood stock still, staring down at Nabiki for almost a minute before his brain caught up, then his lower jaw dropped down to his knees.

"You mean that the foul Saotome is not a sorcerer? And that my pigtailed Goddess is ..."

Otoko-Nabiki looked up at him and shook her head. "No, he's not a sorcerer, just a great martial artist who happens to be a victim of magic. Eye witnesses, including Akane, swear that he killed a kami in China. He has destroyed two different mountains that I know of. One mountain here in Japan while defeating a dragon then another in China. He has also destroyed or damaged a great deal of Nerima, as you and I both well know. You and your sister have helped him with that more than once."

"Destroyed entire mountains?" Kuno asked. His eyes were glazed over. "Defeated a dragon? Killed a-a-Kami?"

"Yes. Ranma caused Horaizan, Treasure Mountain, to collapse here in Japan, and then most of Kenseizan, Fist Perfect Mountain, in China. The first was because a dragon picked a fight with him. The second because a kami picked a fight with him. He defeated the dragon, but saved the dragon's life by dragging him away as Horaizan collapsed, but he had to kill the Kami to defeat him."

Kuno broke out with a bad case of what would be called _delirium tremens_ under more ordinary circumstances, but this was much worse. The breaking of his delusions were the cause of his horrors, not the withdrawal of alcohol from an habitual drunk. Nabiki pulled out her cellular phone and dialed 119.

"Emergency services? Yes, I am looking at a young man who is suffering from violent seizures. Yes, he's at the front gate of Furinkan high school. Yes, that's right. In Nerima. Do you need...Okay, thanks." Nabiki closed her phone and looked up at her minion. "Think you can get Kuno's locker open and get me a pair of pants?"

"Yes, Oya-bun."

"Good. Go get me a pair of pants and a shirt if he has one in there."

"I'll be right back, Oya-bun."

 _Well, shit! Ranma's going to throw a shoe over this one,_ Otoko-Nabiki thought as she studied her now much larger hands. _Still, it might turn out to be fun. I wonder what Daddy will think of having a son and two daughters instead three girls and a son-in-law?_

Otoko-Nabiki's sharp peripheral vision caught a sudden movement; she turned her head just in time to see Kuno collapse. He fell onto his back, continuing to convulse. As she stared at him, two pre-teenaged girls ran up with a wooden cask between them and poured its contents on the still convulsing wannabe-samurai. Kuno turned into a girl who looked a lot like his sister, Kodachi, only with short strawberry blond hair. Nabiki could not contain herself and howled with laughter.

"Ranma is going to celebrate over this, Kuno-baby!"

* * *

On the other side of the school, Akane and her friend, Yuka, were returning from their juku. It had been a very long day and the two of them were looking forward to a restaurant bought meal and the trip home. However, they needed to make a quick stop at Furinkan to drop off some of their books. Yuka's locker was down the hall and around the corner from Akane's. Akane did not like the big empty hall without her fellow students moving around in it. She had stood too many hours of fire bucket duty in it to ever like standing in it while it was empty. Besides, being alone in such a large space was a little frightened her a little. As with the majority of Japanese urbanites, Akane suffered from a touch of agoraphobia. Yuka soon came around the corner red-eyed and weary with her shoulders slumped from fatigue and sitting at a desk too much.

"Damn girl! You look just like I feel," Akane said in as cheerful voice as she could muster.

Yuka gave her a wan smile. "That's because we've been doing too much of the same things, Akane. I could say the same about you."

"I know you're right," Akane said as they made their way toward the exit. "What're we gonna have for supper?"

"How 'bout okonomiyaki?" Yuka asked. "Oh, hell! I forgot. That place is run by one of your rivals, isn't it?"

"I'd rather hit the Duggy McChicken around the corner from here," Akane said.

"Ahh, I don't like that kind of food," Yuka said. "How about unagi instead."

"Too expensive!" they chorused as they walked past a yatai peddling roasted ears of corn. Their faces lit up at the same time as though someone had plugged in a string of Christmas lights. They each bought an ear of corn slathered in butter and a soda water and went looking for a place in the small park to sit and enjoy their corn and sodas, when two pre-teenaged boys came up behind them and poured a small barrel of water down Akane's collar. They dropped the barrel and ran off.

"Yeep!" Otoko-Akane shouted. The water felt much colder to her than it actually was, part of that was the curse working itself out on her body. Fortunately for Otoko-Akane, Yuka saw what was happening and helped her out of her shoes before the pain became anything like what Nabiki had experienced just fifteen minutes earlier. Her guy-type body did burst all the seams of her uniform. Her bra strap was now much too tight and her panties made for a pretty good tourniquets on each of her legs. The leg holes in them were tiny compared to her guy-type's upper legs, as was the waist band. Her bra nearly incapacitated her by cutting off her ability to breath. Otoko-Akane fixed that herself by cutting the strap between the cups with a small ki blade.

Needless to say, both her ear of corn on the cob and soda were things of the past.

"What just happened?" Otoko-Akane asked. Her voice rumbled much like Genma's.

Akane watched the man running the yatai. His face spoke volumes. It was a mix of shock and a sad " _uh-oh_." He wisely decided to call it a night and started hurriedly packing up everything to move his cart.

Otoko-Akane looked down at herself and saw that she dare not get to her bare feet. Her uniform was such a shambles it would simply fall off, rather than hanging on to her body the way clothing was intended to do. She would find herself standing around naked with her now very prominent privates hanging out. She did not like that idea. From the feel of what was down there, it was large enough to start riots if she weren't very careful.

"Yuka?"

"Lie down and stay here, Akane," Yuka said. "I'm going for help."

"Hurry every chance you get!" Otoko-Akane shouted after Yuka as she lay down.

 _Of all the stupid shit to happen during finals! Why would anyone pour water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man on me? Why not pour it on Ranma, or Mousse, or Saotome-san? Why would anyone target girls in Nerima with that stuff? Who would be that perverted? Someone who's known Happosai a long time and wants all of that old pervert's favorite targets eliminated? Oh, shit! What's Ranma going to do? He's going to hate me now._

Otoko-Akane began crying, wracked with inconsolable pain.

* * *

Later that same night, Shampoo was returning from her last delivery run on Forges Street. She was tired and covered by a fine sheen of sweat that formed a tacky mix with the ever present dust of the streets. She was looking forward to a good scrub and a nice long soak in the furo at the public bathhouse.

She was so preoccupied by envisioning the night's relaxation, that she failed to notice the heavy monofilament fishing line that had been strung between two light poles. Fortunately, it was not there to jerk her off of her bicycle. Unfortunately, it was there to be a trigger to tip a cask of Jusenkyou water onto her.

"Aiyaarhwah!"

Shampoo felt her cat-type die as her new Akane-type body took its place. Unfortunately for her, this new body had the same level of coordination and grace as Akane's natural body possessed. Shampoo had been at nearly her top speed, sixty kilometers per hour, when she ran into the invisible monofilament. With Akane's coordination and lack of grace, she promptly lost control of the bicycle. It fell over onto its side and one of its foot pedals caught at the rough pavement, sending the bike over her newly acquired Akane-type body. Shampoo still had sense enough or roll, even though her new body was unfamiliar.

Her delivery boxes struck the pavement upside down, then bounced and tumbled along after her bike, shattering the bowls inside them. Shampoo-no-Akane got road rash on both knees, one elbow and the right side of her face.

Shampoo-no-Akane's training took over. She extricated her feet from her painfully confining shoes first. Her cheongsam had a long rip that went half way round its hem just above her knees. Shampoo-no-Akane cursed under her breath as she began gathering up her scattered delivery boxes and broken bowls. One of the delivery boxes hit so hard that both the bowl and the porcelain spoon inside broke.

 _Great-grandmother will gripe about all these broken bowls,_ she thought. _She complains every time something gets broken or even just chipped. On second thought, were I running a restaurant like ours, I would never shut about the broken plates, bowls and missing silverware. It just makes sense. She expects to lose a lot of it, but discourages it simply as a matter of policy. That's why she carries on about it constantly. She is trying to condition Mousse and me so that we habitually avoid breaking dishes._

"Aiyah!" Shampoo-no-Akane cried out in frustration. As her too-eager-to-respond body squeezed a piece of broken bowl so tight that it cut her fingers. She stuck them in her mouth and sucked the blood away. When she pulled them out, blood continued running from the cuts.

 _That water was from Jusenkyou,_ she thought. _I know that it did something strange to my curse, but I do not yet know what. My hands appear to be human and female, but that does not mean anything. There are many springs at Jusenkyou, many of them contain the patters of drowned women and girls. I cannot control this body the way I do my own. It's stiff and jerky. It seems too eager to please, for some reason. I have to concentrate on each move just to pick up the pieces of my wreck._

Shampoo-no-Akane loaded the delivery boxes back onto her bicycle. She realized that the handle bars were skewed and no longer made a ninety degree angle with the front wheel. Her frustration made her shiver from the top of her head to the soles of her feet.

"Aiyaah!" She wailed. "Shampoo having too-too bad day!"

Shampoo-no-Akane quickly became aware that her cursed body was much like that of a rooster on strychnine. All she had to do was to just imagine herself doing something and her body responded instantly by doing whatever it was that she imagined. She nearly crashed her bike twice by just allowing her mind to drift off about earlier runs onroutes different from the route she was taking home. Whenever she came up on a corner and she remembered turning one way or the other, her cursed body would respond as though she really wanted to go that way or the other. It was nightmarish. She was operating a hydraulic machine with its pressure set so high that any minor movement of its controls resulted in immediate and huge responses.

Once she arrived at the Neko-hanten, she dismounted her bike and trudged through the door with her head drooping-as though she were a whipped puppy, not a proud and confident Amazon warrior.

"Good evening," Cologne said to Shampoo-no-Akane as she walked into the kitchen and removed the fragments of shattered pottery from the delivery boxes. "Where is my great granddaughter?"

Shampoo-no-Akane stared Cologne in the eye. "What do I look like?"

"Is that a rhetorical question, or do you want an answer?"

"Is direct question, Great Grandmother."

Cologne was clearly taken aback by this question. "I see," Cologne said. "I suggest that if you plan on using that body to catch Mukodono, that you cut your hair."

"Why this body useful for catching Airen?" Shampoo-no-Akane asked. Her cursed voice made her wince every time she spoke for some reason.

"You mean you do not know?" Cologne asked, producing a mirror from out of no where.

Shampoo-no-Akane was astounded by the image in the mirror. She was the spitting image of Akane, but she had long maroon colored hair.

"Aiiyaah! Shampoo have body of Kitchen Killer!"

Cologne's cackle was as evil as any cackle Kodachi ever made.

* * *

The Japanese school system prides itself on treating all its students the same, but it doesn't really. Imposed equality is merely the excuse the bureaucrats use to inflict uniforms on the Japanese student up through high school. The real goal for the Japanese is conformity, not equality. College students barely even attend classes, let alone wear uniforms. There are huge differences between high schools and there are huge competitions by junior high students to get into them. On the other hand, if your parents have money it is possible for you to attend your choice of high schools.

Kuno Tatewaki attended Furinkan because his father served as its principal tere, and he was not bright enough to attend any other school. Kuno Kodachi, on the other hand, was brilliant. She found herself attending a private all girl high school called Saint Herebeke's.

One must also note that brilliance and sanity do not always bind together in one person. Kodachi was as insane as she was brilliant. Her interest in botany and her money, along with the lack of adult supervision, combined with her brilliance and insanity, made her into a very dangerous young woman.

During the finals week of her senior year she still wore the hated uniform of St. Herebeke's Academy for Girls for hours at a stretch, but would quickly don her preferred garb, a very dark maroon, not quite black leotard, at every opportunity. Her gymnastic ribbon which she almost always had in hand, was the same color as her leotard. Neither color was all that common and had to be special ordered. No one stocked items in this color because only people like Kodachi could pull identify from the many other colors close to it. It took gifted eyesight to tell the difference between this color and any number of other deep dark purples near pitch black.

The reason for her love of this particular color was that she had tried for years to breed blue roses. She did not succeed in breeding blue roses. She did, however, succeed in breeding the darkest purplish-red rose that had ever been produced. It sold the world over for tons of money. It was not her who personally put the rose in production, but her hired help who did that job. She couldn't be bothered with the mundane details necessary to produce that many plants each year. She used the profits from her work to stay busy doing more interesting - make that scary - things.

She was experimenting with other plants now, plants with even more exotic pedigrees than her dark roses. Many of them were just plain toxic, such as her collection of _Toxicodendron vernicifluum_ , a plant used all over the orient to produce lacquer wear, but also very close kin to poison ivy in that they produced urushiol. It grew into a tree that was over twenty meters tall.

There was also her collection of hallucinogen producing cacti, peyote, Peruvian torch, San Pedro, and Cardon Grande _,_ but _t_ hen she had a world class collection from the nightshade family. She had scoured the entire world for the nightshades. Her collection included everything from the deadly nightshade to the edible aubergines. It also included several strains of tobacco. She had a small orchard of _Brugmansia_ , or Angel's Trumpet, trees which provided her with a surprisingly rich cocktail of alkaloids and other drugs, including the paralytic-hypnotic form of scopolamine. In addition, she had special green houses constructed for desert trees bearing interesting chemical substances, most of them from the _Fabiceae_ such as the _guajillo_.

She had just that day decided to return to her research on producing blue roses. She had stumbled on an article about gene splicing that held out great promise for crossing ordinary white roses with delphiniums. If delphiniums won't work, I could always try one of the lupines, she thought. After a few hours of going through one of her smaller laboratories and making list of the equipment and materials she would need for the project, she decided that it was time to get something to eat.

She could have had any dish she wanted from her own kitchens, but if she ate from the estate kitchens too often, she'd get tired of the food her own cooks produced. Variety in style and technique with food was something to be sought out when you could afford it, and she could.

"What do I feel like for dinner?" she asked no one in particular. "Udon? No, too common. Unagi? No, we had that for luncheon. I know, Chinese style udon! It's a very short trip from here to the Nekohanten! Besides, I owe that hussie a visit. The last time I saw her, she was in the process of blowing up my wedding!"

With her trademark hooting laugh, which always made anyone within hearing of it shiver, she ran up to her room and donned one of her huge collections of nearly black leotards. She picked an old one. No need of putting one of the newer ones at risk of a fight was in the offing. She tucked some spare clothing into the tool space that she never _consciously_ used, and then took off for the Nekohanten or Cat Cafe Soup and Salad Shop. She traveled rapidly from rooftop to rooftop for most of the way, save that there was one stretch of her route that ran through a park. There, she had to make her way on the ground, just as any mere mortal would have done.

It was in the park that she that two pre-teenaged boys greeted her with a small wooden cask that they carried between the two of them. They dropped the cask and ran away right after they threw the contents of the it on Kodachi. Fortunately for her, she was wearing her light slippers that evening and not regulation ballet slippers. She was able to extract her suddenly too large feet from them without much of a struggle.

She sat on the pavement staring at her now grossly too large hands for a few minutes, then she felt of her face and was horrified to discover that she had a stubbly five o'clock shadow.

"I've got a beard?" Otoko-Kodachi was now frantic. "What is wrong with me? What happened?"

A policeman walked up to her and examined the cask. He got on his radio and said, "Looks like we've got another victim in the park."

"Man or woman?" the voice on the radio asked.

"This is girl turned into a man, from the look on her face and the writing on the cask."

"Do you know who it is?" the voice on the radio asked.

"Ma'am, do you mind telling me your name?"

"I'm...I'm the Black Rose of Saint Herebeke, Kuno Kodachi," Otoko-Kodachi told the low ranking samurai. "Please call me an ambulance. I've had some sort of accident."

The policeman relayed this information to his headquarters.

"Pour hot water on her and let her go," the voice on the radio said emphatically. "Now!"

The cop made a face and pulled out a thermos bottle. He unscrewed the lid and poured its hot-as-soup contents on Otoko-Kodachi's head. She felt a tingle as her breasts returned and her male genitalia shriveled up and disappeared. "

"Oh! That was warm. What was it?" she asked as she started feeling of her chest.

Her male form had been entirely too large for her leotard and it was practically non-existent. Her breasts were exposed in public, not that Kodachi minded that much. She was just enough of an exhibitionist to get a thrill out of being exposed in public.

The cop was making a study of the detail in the clouds overhead while holding his coat out for her. She ignored him and his coat, fetching her spare leotard out of her personal tool space and pulled it on.

"Thank you, my good man, but I shan't be needing your coat."

The cop turned his head an looked at her. His jaw sagged. Kodachi's torn leotard was lying on the ground at her feet, but she was fully clothed again.

"How did you do that?" he asked.

"I keep a spare leotard on my person at all times," Kodachi answered. She gave out her trademark chiller laugh.

Kodachi watched the policeman's face as he recognized her with a shudder.

"Would you like to fill out a complaint, Kuno-san?"

"What was I assaulted with?" Kodachi asked. "It smelled like pure water without any chlorine in it."

The policeman raised an eyebrow at her. "It was water from a cursed spring in China-a placed called Jusenkyou. You were splashed with the water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man."

"That would explain the stubble on my face and the hair on the backs of my entirely too large hands. I take it you poured the antidote?"

"Hot water is only a temporary cure," the cop said with a grim, but apologetic face. "I'm afraid that you will turn into a man every time you come into contact with cold water from now on. There is no known cure."

Kodachi felt chills run up and down her back. Her steel-trap mind snapped shut on several mysteries that she had been puzzling over for the better part of two years.

"How did you come to learn of this, officer?"

"You are the third victim today that we know of," the policeman said.

"A waitress at the Nekohanten, I can't remember her name, then we were notified that Tendou Nabiki has been exposed. We picked up a woman we think is the cursed form of your brother, but she's in the hospital being treated for shock. There are also reports of other women who have been victims of these assaults."

"Quite the outbreak, don't you think?" Kodachi asked between tightly clinched teeth. _Now I know where that redheaded harlot is from,_ Kodachi thought. _She's my Ranma-sama. I should have realized me, I simply must stop gritting my teeth. That puts deep lines in your face._

The policeman shrugged. "As far as we know, the assailants have all been minors of a very young age. They are so young that it takes two of them to handle these small casks of water. We think there is an local pervert - an adult - is behind it all, but I can't reveal the name of our suspect. It's an ongoing investigation."

Kodachi chewed at her lower lip. "Thank you, officer. I will let you know when I decide to prefer charges."

The policeman was visibly shocked.

"Don't be so surprised, officer," Kodachi said with a manic grin. "Being a part-time man _will_ have its advantages for me."

Hooting like the maniacal witch she had always pretended to be, Kodachi hared off into the night, leaving the puzzled officer with his mouth hanging open.

By ten o'clock in the evening, most of the customers had left The Ucchan. Ukyou and Konatsu, now in his male form, but dressed as a kunnoichi, started their evening shutdown routine.

"These new clogs are comfortable, Konatsu-honey," Ukyou said, flashing one of her prize-winning smiles at the ersatz female ninja.

Konatsu grinned at the table he was scrubbing with his usual intense desire for perfection.

"I'm glad to hear that," he said.

"No, really!" Ukyou said as she reached up to open an overhead cabinet. "I got no trace of a blister or...Gack!"

Otoko-Ukyou choked on the water that poured down on her out of her upper flour bin. The Velcro straps popped loose on her newly acquired clogs, so did the seams of her pants as well as the seams of her haori, the indigo dyed jacket she bought custom made for her restaurant.

"Shit!" Otoko-Ukyou fumed. "Damn that old bastard!" Otoko-Ukyou had an even longer string of very unladylike epithets for the diminutive founder and master of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, she even waxed lyrical for a few minutes, making an exceeding deep impression on the effeminate Kenzan Konatsu. Otoko-Ukyou used some expressions that Konatsu had never heard, even though he had been raised in what was essentially a brothel.

Otoko-Ukyou really hated bursting the seams on her haori. Each of them were hand dyed an sewn to fit her-not her cursed form. She had ripped out the armpits of it. The way she had been standing with her arms up when her muscles suddenly changed sizes made certain of the haori's ruin. She stared at her reflection in the window glass.

"I look almost exactly like my dad!"

Kenzan Konatsu heaved a sigh.

"No surprise about that. Ranma's cursed form looks a lot like his mother."

"Does yours?" Otoko-Ukyou asked.

"Hai, it does," Konatsu said as he nodded his head. "I'm the spitting image of my mom when she was in her teens."

Otoko-Ukyou looked around. Her customers had quietly left, probably while she was indulging in her profanely artistic rant. "Let's finish cleaning up this place, Konatsu-honey." Otoko-Ukyou sighed. "I still have homework to do."

* * *

On a nearby rooftop, a diminutive figure danced with glee in the light of the full moon.

"It worked! It worked! Using gakki to deliver the water worked like a champ! They didn't produce enough hostile ki to be detected, yet they were strong enough to do the job. I'm gonna call 'em my Forges Street Irregulars."


	6. Chapter 6

**Return to Normalcy: Chapter 6**

Otoko-Nabiki entered the menswear department of the nearest depaato intending to add to her wardrobe for her freshly acquired guy side. A quick glance around the place convinced her that there was more to being male than she had ever really thought about in detail.

I _think that I will just buy a couple of pairs of jeans, underwear...oh, socks...tee shirts...Ack! What a list of shit! I could spend as much time shopping for my otoko teki body as I could for my natural self. The last thing I need is another excuse to spend money. Damn! Jusenkyou curses are expensive!_

She spotted a full length mirror and decided to make use of it. Her reflection looked as miserable as she felt. The mirror told her that she was a pencil necked geek with red hair and a freckled face. Her male form wore the clothing of an accomplished athlete ill suited her scrawny frame. While Kuno was a universal object of scorn, he was also feared by the majority of boys attending Furinkan for good reason-he was stronger than all but a very few of them.

Nabiki blew out her cheeks and made her bangs flip up. The makeup did not help her appearance any. It made her look like a real live okama-not a mere cross-dresser-but a screaming queen.

 _It's a good thing I was carrying a businessman's briefcase instead of a girlish book bag, she thought. I would be attracting every..._

Her thoughts were interrupted by the screaming queen employed by the depaato as a floor salesman. He swished when he walked and when he wasn't swishing he was flouncing. He swished and flounced his way over to Nabiki and said, "Hello, there! My name is Jace, may I help you with something?"

"Where's the men's room?" Otoko-Nabiki asked in the deepest voice she could muster. "I need to git this makeup offa my face."

"Oh, what a shame!" Jace said with a cute wave of his hand. "You did a great job of putting it on."

Nabiki decided that it would be best to put a cold running stop to this nonsense.

"I didn't put it on! I got drunk and passed out. My buddies put makeup on me while I was unconscious."

Jace seemed amused by this claim. "And the half-modern samurai outfit?"

"They put this on me too," Otoko-Nabiki said in her most growly voice she could muster. She indicated the clothing by gripping the seams on either side of the trousers and flipping them backwards and forwards. "They probably thought it was real funny."

"You do look rather like a Kuno in that get up," Jace said, trying to stifle the laughter that was rising in his throat, but not quite succeeding. Otoko-Nabiki stared hard at the skinny little man.

"I think this stuff probably belongs to Tatewaki Kuno," Otoko-Nabiki said. She was happy to discover that she could rumble like Genma did when he wanted to be mean. "I suspect that they raided his locker."

Seeing that poor Jace was about to burst, Nabiki said, "Go ahead and laugh, for crying out loud. It really is funny. I'll probably laugh about it after I'm through being mad."

Between giggles Jace pointed and said, "The men's room is that way. Once you have crossed the store you'll see the sign."

"Thanks...Jace is it?"

The salesman nodded his head.

"I'll be back in a minute," Nabiki said, "pick me out the most macho stuff you can find."

Jace laughed and shook his head. "I'll do my best, but macho is not going to be your thing, you know."

Tendou Nabiki walked away grumbling for the salesman's benefit. The bathroom was intended for more than one user, but it had a locking door. Otoko-Nabiki was the only occupant, so she locked the door. She had never put on cold cream so fast in all her born days as she did that day in that bathroom. Cold creams need roughly five minutes to work their magic and every second of the ordeal ticked by with glacial slowness. Finally, she was able to wipe off the cold cream and the make up beneath it. She was her face and hands in the sink and then dried them with paper towels, Her skin complained at the unaccustomed treatment, but she forced herself to ignore. Such complaints coming from her skin made a sickening combination with her unusually coarse stubble.

She was relieved that there was no line waiting outside the locked door of the bathroom. She hurried back to the men's department. Jace had some very cheap pants and shirts laid out for her, and they weren't particularly macho looking.

"This is not especially macho, Jace!"

"You don't want macho ..." Jace's voice trailed off because he did not know what to call Otoko-Nabiki.

"Tendou Naoaki," she said with a curt bow. She was suddenly very grateful that she had not brought her business cards along with her, unexpectedly male clothing, because her business cards had her real name on them. If she had them on hand, she would have handed one to the salesman in the manner she had practiced many, many times in her anticipation of graduating from Furinkan and then going on to business school at Todai. It would have meant the ruin of her reputation.

Jace returned her bow and said, "Please excuse me, Tendou-san, but you don't have the build for macho clothing. The jocks will eat you alive if you dress that way-not to mention that the girls will snicker at you whenever they think you're out of hearing."

Otoko-Nabiki remembered what her reflection and thought about all those times her and her friends had derided boys that looked like her otoko teki body and shuddered. She gave out an exasperated sigh. "I don't really want to attract...guys...attract..."

"Okama like me?" Jace asked with an inordinately cute wave of his hand. "Don't worry. They'll make fun of you, too, ya know. We always do."

Nabiki was too taken aback to respond.

"I've never seen you around here before," Jace paused and put his right index finger to his lips, "and I thought that I had met all of the local Tendou clan. Where are you from?"

Otoko-Nabiki very nearly panicked. "I'm a cousin of the local Tendou clan. Just got into town today."

Otoko-Nabiki could tell by looking at his face that Jace did not quite buy her story, but that he would let it ride for the moment.

"Hell of a way to welcome a cousin to Nerima, huh?" Jace gave her a rueful grin. "Tell you what. Why don't you buy these and then think about how you want to change your wardrobe. After you've done that, you can come back and we'll discuss it then. Is that all right?"

Otoko-Nabiki found herself agreeing with the effeminate aesthete. It just made plain old every day good sense. She needed to think these actions through before she wasting thousands, perhaps tens-of-thousands of yen on new clothing. "That makes sense. I'll do it."

Jace gave her a genuine smile as he rang up her purchase. "Do you know Saotome Ranma?"

Nabiki silently nodded her head as she handed him more than enough money to pay for the cheap clothing she had bought.

"He's so dreamy," Jace said, his face reminded her of the girls and Furinkan when they fantasized about Ranma; he handed Otoko-Nabiki her change. "Too bad he's a hetero. He's so busy chasing Tendou Akane that he never notices his _other_ admirers."

Otoko-Nabiki managed to look slightly outraged, but decided that discretion really was the better part of valor, and departed for Tendo-ke as quickly as her now too-too long legs carried her.

* * *

 _Dammit! I should have changed in the depaato, but that guy was fast becoming a real nuisance. Had I given him a few more minutes to think, he might have started suspecting that there is more to me than meets the eye. This...this guy type stuff, the thought was making her far more sober than any thought she had ever had before, is already more difficult than I had ever imagined!_

Matters were only worse for Otoko-Nabiki once she arrived at Tendo-ke. Kasumi did not recognize her as her guy type. Kasumi had decided that she was a tax collector from the city government. Otoko-Nabiki decided that a demonstration would be worth way more than a mere thousand words.

"Could I trouble you for a glass of hot water, please?" Nabiki asked, interrupting her elder sister in the middle of her latest elaborate denial.

"Why, certainly you may," Kasumi said with a cheerful lilt in her voice, "Wait right here and I'll be right back with a kettle."

Wait! She said she'd be back with a kettle and she thinks that I'm...

"Ouch! Oh, fuck that burns!" Nabiki shrieked in her now female voice. "Dammit, Kasumi! By now you should know better when someone asks you for hot water, that they do not mean boiling! What is wrong with you?"

Kasumi responded with a very vacant stare.

"Hello! Earth to Kasumi! Is anyone there? Can you hear me Big Sister?"

"Oh, my! You're not a tax collector."

"Well, duh! Ya cudda fooled me, Kasumi. Had me goin' there for a minute!"

"You went all the way to China and back in one day?" Kasumi asked in a puzzled voice. "How is that possible?"

Nabiki heaved a very deep sigh and answered, "Of course not! Someone, I don't know who, is running around Nerima splashing people with water from Jusenkyou."

Kasumi put one finger over her mouth and gave her a horrified stare. "Why?"

"I wish I knew," Nabiki said in her driest unamused voice. "May I come in now?"

Kasumi started and stepped aside enough that Nabiki could walk through the front door. "Was Ranma around when this happened?"

"No, oddly enough," Nabiki said. "I got splashed from behind by two little boys-if what my minion told me is right. It happened as Kuno was approaching me. He started having seizures when he saw me change forms. I mean he was so bad that I decided to dial 119. While he was lying on the ground gulping for air and kicking at nothing, two little girls ran up to him with an oaken cask. They poured water on his jerking ass before I could say a word. Have we got any aspirin?"

"In the furoba," Kasumi said. "What did Kuno-san turn into? A donkey?"

"No, not a donkey," Nabiki said raising the volume of her voice so that her elder sister could hear her from the bathroom. "A girl."

"Does he have red hair in his cursed form?" Kasumi asked. Kasumi had choked her question out between guffaws.

"You guessed it, Sis," Nabiki said as she struggled to get the top off of the aspirin bottle. "His girl type looks a lot like a taller Kodachi, but his hair is strawberry blond."

"Here, let me do that," Kasumi said, taking the bottle away from Nabiki. She was still laughing so hard that she nearly choked. "I'm sorry, but I can just see Tatewaki Kuno as a strawberry blond Kodachi!"

Nabiki gave her sister a tired grin as she walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. When she came back in to the tatami room, Kasumi had the bottle open and four aspirin laid out on the table. Nabiki scooped them up and pitched them into her mouth, following them up with a long pull at the glass of water.

"I wonder what Ranma's going to say about this? Have you seen Akane?"

"No, I haven't," Nabiki said. "I'm worried about the brat. She might have had the same thing happen to her. I'm certain that Ranma will cuss a blue streak when he sees me. We may well have to call out JGSDF to deal with him if Akane gets doused."

Kasumi growled in her throat at this. "Oh, wouldn't that just be great!"

"Kasumi, please! I have a headache."

"I'm sorry, Nabiki. Do you think your headache has anything to do with your newly acquired curse? I don't remember Ranma ever complaining about his head hurting."

"As if Ranma would be able to tell where his headaches come from! His head is used for an anvil nearly three times every day."

Kasumi's face lit up with yet another grin. "You do have a point there, I suppose."

Nabiki placed both her elbows on the table and settled her forehand on her upturned palms and groaned aloud for a minute or so, then looked up suddenly. "Are you sure that we are not all dead?"

"Hmm, could be, but I doubt it."

"Why so confident? This really does seem like the Christian version of Hell to me."

"I'm certain that I would have noticed something as dramatic as dying, Nabiki."

Nabiki buried her face back in her hands. "Yes, I'm sure that even you would have noticed dying. Do you have any idea how much shopping I've got to do now? It's right here at final exams. Where am I going to get the time?"

"Money isn't the issue, is it?" Kasumi asked.

Nabiki shook her head. "Nope. Ranma has been bringing it in by the sack loads. He just finished a million yen job two days ago."

Kasumi's eyes widened at this. "A million..."

"That's right. Six zeros. One million yen. Ten thousand dollars US."

"What did he do?" Kasumi asked in an alarmed voice. "Kill someone?"

Nabiki decided that Kasumi would not be able to distinguish the difference between outright murder and what Ranma had done, even if the dead man deserved a death sentence from the government. "Not quite that drastic. He did see to it that the fellow was properly punished-by the police."

Kasumi suddenly looked deeply relieved. "He has turned out to be such a sweetie, hasn't he?"

"So long as it concerns Akane or you, yes," Nabiki said.

This brought Kasumi up short. "Me?"

"Yes, you, Big Sister, dear."

"Why me of all people?"

"Oh, well, I don't know! You only cook for him; wash his clothes for him; patch his battered ass up when he gets hurt..."

"But that was just me taking care of what's mine!" Kasumi exclaimed. "It had nothing to do with him personally."

"No? Well, guess what. Ranma took it personally," Nabiki said with a rather evil grin. "He's generous that way - unless you haven't noticed before now."

A loud peal of thunder rattled the entire house, which caused both young women to duck and cover.

"Shit, that was loud!" Nabiki exclaimed.

"It certainly was!" Kasumi added as she made her way into the kitchen and out of Nabiki's sight. "How is you headache? Better?"

Nabiki glared at the cased opening her sister disappeared through. "Some, yes. It has let up a good deal. That thunder did not help much, though."

The wind picked up as rain began pouring down outside. Nabiki hastened to close the doors on the engawa so that the rain would not blow into the house. Closing two big sliding doors threw the tatami room into gloomy shadows. Kasumi flipped the light switch and the overhead fluorescents flickered into life. Just as Nabiki was turning to face her older sister, cold water splashed in her face.

"Why did you do that?" Otoko-Nabiki asked. Her voice now sounded both deep and hoarse.

"How's your head?" Kasumi asked.

Otoko-Nabiki thought about it for a moment. "It doesn't hurt at all, now." Her voice sounded puzzled.

Kasumi had a glass of hot water that she poured on Otoko-Nabiki's head.

"How does it feel now?"

"It feels fine," Nabiki said. "The curse is one of the reasons Ranma can recover so quickly, isn't it?"

"I have long suspected as much," Kasumi said. "Now that I have someone with a curse that I can ask questions of, and be reasonably sure that I am getting accurate answers, I will find out for certain."

"Oh, so you think you know me well enough that you'll get the precise truth to those questions, do you?"

Kasumi raised her left eyebrow.

"Okay, Kasumi, you win," Nabiki said in a resigned voice. "Now what?"

"I'm not sure how to proceed from here," Kasumi answered. "You do realize that you will now need to study the art again, right?"

"Why would I waste my invaluable time on such unspeakable foolishness?" Nabiki shouted. "Why must I..."

"Tadaima!" For Nabiki this came from an unidentifiable masculine voice at the front door.

"Oh, shit!" Kasumi exclaimed.

Nabiki stared at her older sister in dismay. "You said 'Oh, shit!' not, 'Oh, my!'"

Kasumi looked Nabiki right in the eye and repeated and said, "Yes, and that is what I meant! Didn't you recognize her greeting, Nabiki?"

About that time, Otoko-Akane made her way into the tatami room. She was wearing an old dougi that had seen better days. She carried her school uniform, now burst at every seam, draped across her book bag. Her short hair was at least as red as Onna-Ranma's hair, but her face looked nothing like the Akane that Otoko-Nabiki had grown up with. Otoko-Akane's hair and clothing were dark from being rain-soaked.

"Oh, don't be so alarmed," Otoko-Akane rumbled. "I'm your..."

Kasumi splashed Nabiki with a glass of cold water.

"...your sis...Nabiki, you look so much like Dad that it's scary!"

"Welcome to the party, Akane-chan," Otoko-Nabiki said. "Have you picked out a name for your guy side, yet?"

"Do you think that I'll really need one?" Otoko-Akane asked in an exceedingly masculine voice. "I mean, it's not like we have an insane sword wielding witch for a mother, you know."

Kasumi joined her masculine sisters in a heartfelt smirk over that one.

"Believe me, having a name for your guy type will pay huge dividends in the long run," Otoko-Nabiki said. "Most people will behave just like the Kuno siblings do. They will refuse to acknowledge it for as long as possible. Having a different name for your guy-half will let you have two very different identities."

"Akane looks a lot like our uncle Tetsuji, doesn't she, Nabiki?" Kasumi asked.

"Only better muscled than Uncle Tetsuji was," Otoko-Nabiki said with a nod. "Maybe you're right about me studying the art, Kasumi. It wouldn't hurt my guy side's looks to build up my upper body."

"But Uncle Tetsuji didn't have red hair or green eyes-Akane does," Kasumi said.

"Nabiki, you will be running looking like a pencil neck geek. You will attract the unwanted attention of every bully in Nerima along with the surrounding three wards of Tokyo," Otoko-Akane said with a grim look on her face. "You're gonna have to build up those arms and shoulders if you want to avoid being beat up every other day."

"Oh, go on!" Otoko-Nabiki answered. "Why do you say that?"

"I'm going by the number of bullies Ranma and I have been stomping into the ground for the last two years," Otoko-Akane answered. Her voice was not only masculine, it was deadly serious. "How do you think Ranma paid off his debts to you all those times?"

Alarms started going off in Nabiki's head. They grew even louder when she remembered that people with Jusenkyou curses also became water magnets. It seemed that the Jusenkyou was serious about its victims that way. It meant for them to suffer and suffer they did. Worse, this was in mid-October when it rained nearly every day in Tokyo. There would not be a real let up in the rain until the first week in December. She gulped at the thought.

"See?" Otoko-Akane asked. "You will be at extra dangerous risk simply because you have the ill will of so many guys in Nerima. They'll want to beat the shit out of you while your in your guy form."

"That sounded so-o manly, Akane," Kasumi said.

"It's true, Kasumi. They will," Otoko-Akane said. Akane rolled her eyes as she shook her head.

Otoko-Nabiki felt her knees weaken and she flopped down on a nearby cushion. "What will I do?" She wailed as she teared up. "This curse changes everything! It's in the middle of October, the wettest month of the year!"

"Nabiki," Otoko-Akane said with a sneer in her voice,"You don't know how much like Daddy you sound when you do that."

Otoko-Nabiki gave Otoko-Akane an evil glare, but she instantly dried up and stopped pouting. "Thanks, Akane. I needed that."

"That's okay, Nabiki-chan," Otoko-Akane said. "Just think like Ranma and not like either of the old men."

Kasumi burst out laughing. "Ranma thinking? Bite your tongue, Akane."

Otoko-Akane's face reddened, but she managed not to keep her temper.

"I used to wonder if he had any brains at all, but I have now spent a few hours in his shoes-er-running around barefoot and cursed; I can tell you that coping with a Jusenkyou curse is not a simple matter. You must think ahead of it, or you get into trouble."

 _I couldn't agree more,_ Otoko-Nabiki thought. Aloud, she said, "I'm surprised that he hasn't gone absolutely mad before now."

Kasumi sniffed, causing Otoko-Nabiki to raise an eyebrow at her,

"Don't be so quick to judge, Kasumi-chan. You obviously don't know the score. Pray that you never do," Otoko-Akane said. She gave Kasumi a quick frown. "He has used his head to solve lots of problems."

"Yeah," Otoko-Nabiki said, "but all of them have been related to solving problems in the martial arts. It's not as though he's a mathematician or anything."

"Oh, really?" Kasumi asked. Her face showed her skepticism. "Show me one instance of where that little boy has done any thinking at all."

"His shoes!" Her sisters chorused.

"His shoes?" Kasumi asked. "What on earth is so special about his shoes?"

"Oh, there's nothing special about them at all," Otoko-Akane said.

"Accept that he is at constant risk of having his shoe size reduced by three sizes in an instant," Otoko-Nabiki said.

"Or, when he's wearing women's shoes, he is subject to having his feet increase in size by the same amount," Otoko-Akane said.

Kasumi's eyes widened with surprise. "I didn't realize that he had that sort of trouble..."

"Well, he does, Kasumi, believe Akane and me when we say it because we have both just been through it."

"Yeah, Kasumi," Akane said, "try having your feet suddenly try to grow up by three sizes while they're trapped in a pair of leather shoes and you'll see what we're talking about!"

"I thought I was going to be crippled for life," Otoko-Nabiki said with a grimace. She reached down and rubbed her left foot with her left hand. That foot still hurt. "Lucky for me, the old pervert came by stole my shoes before they could do me any real harm."

"Yuka helped me out of mine," Otoko-Akane said. She blew out a heavy sigh. "You're right about this being October though. Maybe we should plan on being guys for the rest of the month."

"Mmh! I wouldn't mind in the least not having a period this month. Would you, Akane?" Otoko-Nabiki asked.

Otoko-Akane laughed out loud. "No period and no pregnancy? What's not to like about that? Poor Ranma has a period every October. He stays in his girl form for practically the entire month!"

Otoko-Nabiki joined her sisters in laughter, even though something niggled at the back of her mind. This was just the first Tuesday of October; they had committed themselves to an entire month of exposure to testosterone, along with an entire host of other male hormones.

 _What of it?_ Otoko-Nabiki asked herself. _If Ranma can cope with a flood of estrogen, then we should be able to cope with a rising tide of testosterone. What could be so bad about that? Guys have it much easier than girl do._

"I don't know about you, Akane, but I could use a bath and a long soak in the ofuro."

"You better betcha, Sis."

"I suppose I'll get started on supper then," Kasumi said. "Is Uncle Saotome going to be here tonight?"

"The last time I saw him was this morning; Auntie Nodoka had him by the ear and they were headed towards Saotome-ke," Otoko-Akane said. "I would be surprised if he showed up here for dinner."

"For that matter, Daddy might not be here this evening either," Otoko-Nabiki said as she started removing her male clothing. She walked toward the furoba as she spoke. "I wouldn't go overboard on the food for supper tonight, Sis."

"Okay, easy it is then," Kasumi said in her typically sweet voice. "Salads?"

"Yes!" Akane and Nabiki chorused in their male voices.

* * *

Once the two younger girls sat down in the bathing area Otoko-Akane started cursing like a sailor. Otoko-Nabiki turned her head and looked at her younger sister. "What's wrong, Akane?"

Otoko-Akane simply looked even more frustrated. Otoko-Nabiki glanced down and saw Akane's soap covered erection. She bit her lip to stop herself from laughing.

"How do they wash these goddamned things?" Otoko-Akane asked. She was clearly frustrated. "Mine has a mind of its own; I can't get it to stop!"

"Did Ranma do that when you walked in on him the first day he was here?"

Otoko-Akane's penis got even harder and started making jerky little hops up and down.

"I'll take that as a yes," Otoko-Nabiki drawled. Her nascent laughter was cut off by her own penis becoming stiff. "Hmm, there must be something to the claims they make about men having sympathy pains."

Otoko-Akane glanced down at her sister's penis and started to giggle. "Now we know what it means to have your little head take over from your big head, don't we, Sis?"

"Shit!" Otoko-Nabiki shouted. "I just remembered that time in the gym when Ranma got hit with hot water while he was wearing a pair of bloomers!"

Otoko-Akane's penis got even harder as her face turned a very bright pink.

"That was when he was trying to use the pressure points on Hinako-sensei," Otoko-Akane said. "It didn't take him but a minute to wilt once he realized that he wasn't in his girl form."

"But he was well and truly excited at first, wasn't he?"

Otoko-Akane burst out laughing. "That was the biggest camel toe I had ever seen!"

Otoko-Nabiki felt her own member start twitching at the memory of that unhappy incident. "Those pictures still sell for a fortune."

Otoko-Akane was not longer amused, but she was still very stiff. "Who bought those pictures?"

"That's privileged information, sister mine," Otoko-Nabiki said. "Besides, there were almost as many boys paying for them as there were girls."

This was big news to Akane. "You mean that there were boys who..."

"Well, it helped that they were in a set of pictures of onna teki Ranma mixed in with them, but there is a fairly size-able group of boys who like to stare at Ranma's guy side."

Otoko-Akane rolled her eyes and decided to focus on her bath. She very quickly discovered that her testicles were extraordinarily sensitive if you grabbed them the wrong way. She doubled over suddenly and fell onto her side.

"Ow, shit! I didn't mean to do that. It hurts!"

"What hurts, Ak..." Otoko-Nabiki started to ask, but made the same awful discovery for herself.

"Oh, jeezus keerist! It does hurt. It hurts all the way up into my stomach!"

"Makes ya wonder how they stand it, huh?" Otoko-Akane asked.

Otoko-Nabiki was too weak to speak. She merely nodded her head to answer.

Otoko-Akane's eyes were still watering when she pulled her foreskin back to expose her glans. She soaped up her glans and made yet another unanticipated discovery. She shook all over involuntarily every time she rubbed gently on her glans-rubbing it roughly almost did the same thing, but it was not nearly so pleasant as a gentle soapy rub. Then, she got the soapy water into her urethra-it burned like liquid fire.

"Ouch! Nnngyah! Oh, shit that hurts!" Otoko-Akane shouted.

"What? Are you going?" Otoko-Nabiki asked.

"No! I think I must have gotten soap into the goddamned thing! It burns like hell!"

Otoko-Nabiki burst out laughing despite herself. This earned her an ominous stare from her bulky male sister.

"I'm sorry, Akane, but you hafta admit..." Otoko-Nabiki forced herself to cut off her statement. I'll be lucky if she - he - doesn't kill me before we get into the furo.

Fortunately for Otoko-Nabiki, Otoko-Akane was in too much pain to inflict any on her sister. She had slumped against the wall with tears streaming down both her cheeks.

"Gee, Sis! Does it hurt that bad?"

"No, it's just the very worst kind of pain you can imagine, Nabiki. It's burning inside! Not on the outside, but on the inside! It's scary."

"Okay, can you pee? That might help."

"Good idea," Otoko-Akane said. "I'll give it a try and see."

Otoko-Akane got up and, wrapping a towel around herself, made her way to the toilet. Otoko-Nabiki decided that it would be a good idea to take advantage of her sheester's absence to check out her own equipment in detail. The next thing she knew, she was up off her stool and wrapping a towel around herself for a trip to the toilet. Otoko-Akane came back into the furoba looking greatly relieved.

"Please tell me that it's better!" Otoko-Nabiki begged.

Otoko-Akane nodded her head. "Yes, very much. It still burns a little, but it's much better now."

"Good! I'll be right back!" Otoko-Nabiki exclaimed.

"You mean you had the same thing happen?" Otoko-Akane asked.

"Yes!" Otoko-Nabiki shouted over her shoulder as she headed for the toilet.

 _Otoko-Akane laughed at her sister's departing back and shook her head. She decided that it was time for a nice long soak and made her way to the furo. She felt the tingling of the curse as it re-arranged her plumbing from outdoor to indoor. I don't know how Ranma ever became so accustomed to this that he doesn't know which sex he is half the time. He goes back and forth without even thinking about it._

A few moments later, Otoko-Nabiki sighed as she sat down in the hot waters of the furo. "Oh, this feels so good," Nabiki said with ecstasy washing over her face in waves. "It has been such an exciting day I don't know that I can take another one."

"Don't worry, Nabiki, you'll see more than your fair share excitement and weirdness from now on. You're part of the team, now."

Nabiki stared at Akane with cold eyes. "I am not amused."

"Do you think that will make a difference?" Akane asked in a cold voice. "What makes you so confident that it will?"

Nabiki simply stared at Akane.

 _She doesn't have a clue about what any of this actually means. She's a lot smarter than I am but she lacks my experience. I need to make certain that she understands everything the way Ranma and I do,_ Akane thought. Aloud she said, "Now that you have been touched by Jusenkyou, you'll find an entirely new perspective on life and living."

"How can you say that, Akane? You haven't been cursed before today and..."

"I can say it's because I have been in the very bowels of the place that makes Jusenkyou, Nabiki. Ranma and I almost died inside Jusendou-the very source of the cursed springs. I can't explain it fully; you would have to visit the place before you could. Believe me when I say that it changes you, even if it doesn't leave a scar like the ones you and I wear now."

"Scars?" Nabiki sounded alarmed.

"The curse, you silly bitch! I'm talking about the curse! Jusendou let Ranma and me go unharmed, but it cursed us just the same. It curses everyone and everything it touches. There is no escape from it."

Nabiki was now wearing her Ice Queen mask, but Akane knew all too well the fragility that lay just beneath it. Nabiki had put on that mask right after Ranma and his father had arrived. She had seldom removed it since. The entire facade was an attempt to evade what was going on inside Tendou Nabiki, not the madness that was going on in Nerima, Japan.

"Be careful of the choices you make, Nabiki-chan. None of them are without costs. Anything and everything you do from now on will have consequences-understand?"

"No! I don't understand, Akane! What is so special about your having been to Jusendou? Why do you think it is such a special place?"

"Because now there's a Spring-of-Drowned-Akane, that's why!" Akane shouted. "I left a part of me behind there. Anyone who falls into that particular spring will come out looking just like me! Just as Ranma has taken on the looks of the girl that drowned in the spring he fell into."

Nabiki's face showed the horror she was feeling. "You mean that you were drowned there? At Jusenkyou?"

"Yes! You know I have never been able to swim! I sank to the bottom the way I always do. I died then and there. I can't explain why I'm alive now. I shouldn't be alive and I know it, but I am alive and I know that as well. Jusenkyou is what physicists mean when they talk about a singularity. It is so singular that it should not exist, but it does. It is an inherent contradiction in the terms of existence. It has touched our lives and there is no going back. Whatever happens next is only partially up to us."

"You mean that just because we have been affected by Jusenkyou that we somehow have a guaranteed fate?" Nabiki asked as skepticism rose in her face."I have news for you, little sister, my fate has not been written yet. I am still in charge of my life!"

"No, you're not. You are not able to resist Ranma, are you? You've been regretting what you did the day he and his father showed up here since the very second you decided that it was me who needed to marry him, haven't you?"

"I..." Nabiki's Ice Queen mask shattered as the truth of the matter dawned on her. Akane was not surprised. She had realized that Nabiki had fallen in love with Ranma during the trip home from China. The wreck of a wedding only confirmed Akane's suspicions. Her sister was secretly in love with Ranma; there was no denying it. Nabiki has no choice but hiding behind the icy mask of a mere mercenary. She is secretly in love with my fiancé and wants to cover up the truth-even from herself.

Nabiki's face froze into the mercenaries mask that Akane had become so accustomed to seeing and stood up in the furo.

"You're mad, Akane," she said as she got out of the furo and began drying herself off.

Akane let her head rock back against the rim of the hot bath and said, "I just wish that I was crazy, Nabiki, but I'm not. You're in love with him as much as I am."

"No! I'm not! He's your problem, not mine."

"Oh, so he's a problem is he? You're not comfortable dealing with him as such so he's mine to deal with, is that it?"

Nabiki growled and stamped her foot in frustration. "I gave him to you, Akane - twice! He's yours to do with as you please."

"Are you sure about that?" Akane asked, being careful not to move her head so that she could see Nabiki's face. "Judging from how our alleged wedding took place, I'd say that your having second thoughts about who owns him."

Nabiki was so frustrated that she actually rubbed her face dry as though she was a man instead of patting it dry. "You don't have any idea of what you are talking about."

"Don't I?" Akane asked in a knowing voice. "I saw how your cursed form reacted a minute ago when were talking about him."

"You're confusing simple lust with..." Nabiki's voice faded.

"With what, Nabiki-chan? Love?"

Nabiki took in a deep breath. She was clearly uncomfortable and frustrated with the way the conversation had gone.

"Which side of him to you prefer?" Akane asked in an impish voice. "His guy side or his girl side? Both of them are incredibly good looking, you know."

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "The entire universe doesn't revolve around Ranma, you know!"

"It does for you and me, though, doesn't it?"

"Raah! What do you want from me, Akane?" Nabiki shouted at the top of her lungs. The panes of glass in the bathroom window rattled as they soaked up the energy from Nabiki's shout. "A confession?"

"That would do for starters," Akane said with a heartfelt smile. She had not felt so relaxed in years. It felt better than good to get things out into the open. "At least then we would be able to face one another as open competitors."

Nabiki turned livid and her mouth fell open as her jaw sagged.

"I mean, it would be better than having you play the role of puppet master with me and Ranma as your favorite puppets, wouldn't it?"

Nabiki snapped her mouth shut as though something tried to fly into it.

"All I want is his guy side, Nabiki. You could have his girl side as often as you could talk him into it."

Nabiki was now outraged. "What makes you think that I would ever..."

Akane opened one eye and stared at her sister with it. "You fondle his breasts every chance you get. In fact, judging from what I've seen you look for excuses to fondle his girl half."

"That was just a gag...I didn't..."

"What, Nabiki? You didn't get a thrill out of it?"

"And you didn't get a thrill out of him standing in the furo without a stitch on his body?" Nabiki asked.

"Oh, yeah! I did that. He got a hard on as well and that really tripped me out."

"As though none of us noticed!"

"I have to admit that seeing him nude and excited made me more than a little ecchi."

"Ecchi, hell! You grew a set of horns there for a while, sis."

Akane closed her eyes, and then turned her face toward the ceiling. She calmed herself very carefully and thoroughly with her eyes closed before speaking.

"I've had those horns since he's been here. I am going to have Otoko-Ranma between my legs here in a few weeks, whether we marry or not. You are welcome to crawl up between the legs of his girl half, if you want. Having you there would beat having a guy like Ryoga hunch him."

"What makes you think that he'd..."

Akane opened one eye and used it to stare Nabiki down. "I know, okay? I just know. If he doesn't do something about his girl side, she'll take over and do it despite his hang ups. Remember that copy of him that came out of that haunted mirror?"

"But she wasn't really Ranma," Nabiki said.

"You don't think so? I do. The only reason nothing happened between Ranma and his copy was because she did not know anything about sex. Ranma doesn't really know anything about sex either. Me? I've studied it. I've thought about it. I had been thinking about it before he got here. His presence here has been pure torment for me, you know."

Nabiki gave her sister another open-mouth stare. Akane ignored her and closed her eyes, turning her face up at the ceiling again.

"Warning! I, am a thirty-second bomb! I, am a thirty-second bomb! I, am a thirty-second bomb! Twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven..."

Nabiki laughed out loud, gave her sister a raspberry and then hurriedly left the furoba.

* * *

Kasumi had supper ready by the time Nabiki and Akane had finished their baths and had put on some comfortable clothes. They had raided Ranma's closet for some of his older Chinese clothing. Akane put on his favorite red shirt and Nabiki wore his faded blue shirt. The pants they had put on were generally black-at least as black as the Chinese dyers could get them. They had not been perfectly black to begin with and then they had been through the washing machine numerous times, now they were a kind of beat up charcoal. At least his type of clothing would allow them to stay dressed if their curses were invoked.

"I'm beginning to think that the waterproof soap is a good idea," Nabiki said, eying Akane's clothing.

"That's not really a cure, Nabiki," Akane said, taking a bite of her steamed daikon. "It wears off after a while."

"And your point is?"

"It's expensive and it doesn't cure the curse," Akane said emphatically. "Get it?"

"It would be well worth the money if we could get through the day and not have to worry about our curses," Nabiki said. She tugged at the various bits of Ranma-wear that she had on for emphasis.

Kasumi snickered. Akane simply stared at Nabiki as though her middle sister had suddenly sprouted a new head.

"What good would that do?"

"It would let us wear our girl type clothing for at least a day without having to worry about them being ripped apart at the seams after our curses are triggered."

Akane blinked twice. "I see what you're getting at, now."

Kasumi snickered again. "Shall I give Elder Cologne a call?"

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "No, I'll do it. She's a tough negotiator to start with and she has us over a barrel on this one."

"I'll give you the number then," Kasumi said with her usual smile, only this time it was more of an amused grimace.

The girls finished their meal in silence, only asking for something to be passed or pouring one another more tea. Once they had finished, Nabiki and Akane teamed up on the dishes so that Kasumi could go do something else. Just the usual routine that they had spent years working themselves into. Kasumi was the main housekeeper, but they all chipped in to relieve some of her load. Well, not the two old men. Ranma, on the other hand, would often splash himself with cold water and help with the dishes and he was at least as good as their father was at fixing the things that needed fixing as they broke.

Once the dishes were done, Nabiki called the Nekohanten.

"You've reached the Nekohanten. How may we serve you?" Cologne's creaky voice answered.

"Hello, Elder Cologne. This is Tendou Nabiki."

"Yes, I've been meaning to check in on you since the children have returned from China. How are things?"

"Getting more complicated with each passing day, Honored Elder. Akane and I are now both cursed and we need to purchase some of that waterproof soap. Do you have any on hand?"

"It's not actually waterproof. It's a very harsh soap that stops the curse from being invoked for a day or so. Its efficacy is fully dependent on how much water you get exposed to."

"So, it's rough on the skin then?"

"Yes, it is. I would hate to be in a situation where I needed to bathe with it on a daily basis. Using it for as long as a week will give you a very bad rash. What is you and your sister's curses, may I ask?"

"We both turn into men when we get hit with cold water," Nabiki said.

The old woman growled, much as she did whenever she had to deal with Happosai. "Well, so far so good for Shampoo then. She does not turn into a man.

"You know that Kuno got with water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Girl, right?" Nabiki asked.

"No, that is news to me. How did it happen?"

"He saw me get splashed from behind by two little boys. That seemed to overload the circuits in his weak little brain and he started having _grande mal_ seizures. His spasms became so bad that he fell down on his back. I called 119 and, while I was on the phone, two little girls came out of nowhere and poured water on him as I watched. He was still thrashing around on the ground as a nice looking strawberry blond when I left."

Cologne growled into the phone again. "Have you spoken with Kuonji-san? Has anything happened to the Wannabe Samurai's sister?"

"I don't know the answers to those questions, honored Elder. I will check if you think it necessary."

"I think that we will know soon enough," Cologne said. "In the meantime, yes I have a few bars of the curse control soap. You may come by and pick up a bar for yourself and your sister if you like. There isn't enough to take care of a man the size of Genma though."

"Neither he nor my father are here at the moment and I would not give it to Genma. I would not pee in the man's mouth if his guts were on fire, for that matter," Nabiki said.

Cologne cackled. "I don't like the man, either, but you should be advised that there is more to him than appearances suggest."

"You will forgive me if I remain unimpressed," Nabiki said. "You might chalk this up to my being overly familiar with the panda-man, but he has done nothing to impress me." Nabiki paused to think about her statement. "Okay, he does impress me, but not in a favorable way."

"Rest assured, Tendou-san, that Genma Saotome is one of the more dangerous people you will ever meet. He is in roughly the same league as Happosai, he's just too lazy to show off the way the Happi does."

"I don't have to be afraid of them. We, as I am sure you realize, are on the same side."

"Don't be so certain of that, my dear," Cologne said with tautly controlled mirth in her voice. "When may I expect you to come over and get this bar of soap?"

"What are you going to charge me for it?"

"It costs me ten-thousand yen per bar. I shan't mark it up, just pay your share of the shipping."

"That seems overly generous of you, Honored Elder."

"Let's just say that I'm feeling sympathetic and leave it go at that."

"Doesn't seem like you at all."

"No, I suppose not, but then again, I still remember what it was like to be young and under parental pressure and control. Come on over and you shall have your soap with my blessings. I won't bill you until Jusenkyou agrees to accept another offer for the soap."

"You mean that they turn down orders for it?"

Cologne sighed heavily enough that Nabiki heard it over the phone.

"China is still ruled by the communists, my dear," Cologne said as though that explained everything. "What else do you want me to say?"

"You could tell me that they have another batch in production as we speak," Nabiki said.

"Well, that is their claim at this time, but I never count on something so esoteric and low volume as a Jusenkyou product until I have it in my hand. Not with the communists in control of things. Most Chinese people cannot count on finding food on a regular basis."

Nabiki grimaced at this news. "I understand. I'll be there tomorrow morning to pick up a bar of it."

"Very well, child. Goodnight."

"You gotta admit, Nabiki," Akane said, "the two of us and Kuno Tatewaki getting splashed with opposite curses is very suspicious."

"Yeah, I know. It looks as though someone other than Happosai bears Ranma a very serious grudge; I just cannot figure out who or why."

"Why do you say someone other than Happosai?" Akane asked.

"Because I can't believe that Happosai would want girls cursed to become men for more than half the time," Nabiki said.

"If it is someone who is angry with Ranma, is there any reason to think that the culprit will ever stop? What if this keeps happening until everyone in Nerima is a sexual mess?" Kasumi asked. She was clearly about to panic.

 _Not that I can blame her,_ Nabiki thought. "Relax, Sis. We don't have any evidence to ..."

"To what?" Kasumi cut Nabiki off in a shrill voice. "Prove what? Why? It doesn't make any sense at the very outset. Why would anyone in their right mind want to curse you and Akane to be part-time males? Why on earth would they want Kuno Tatewaki to be cursed as a part time woman? It's madness!"

Akane squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed both temples with the tips of her fingers. Nabiki fought off the urge to squeeze the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger. Kasumi simply covered her face with both hands and sobbed as though she were Soun.

Dammit! Nabiki thought. There simply must be an explanation, but what is it? What is the goal for all of this? It was not something that was simple to do, nor was it cheaply done. It must have cost a small fortune to get that much water from Jusenkyou to Nerima. Who would have done and why?

* * *

Elsewhere in Nerima, hiding in the attic of an abandoned building, across the alley behind the Nekohanten, Happosai was having a great belly laugh. So far, everything he had anticipated had come to past.

 _Now all I gotta do now is to ride herd on 'em until they start fuckin' - that won't take long. There's enough pheromones in the atmosphere of Nerima right now to start a baby boom. All I hafta to do is sit back and wait,_ Happosai thought. _Not that I'm ever satisfied with just sitting back and waitin' on sumthin'. A man my age shouldn't even be buying green bananas._

Hearing noises from the alleyway below, he peaked down through the transom vent at the alley below. The rain had let up until the sky was doling out a drop or two per minute; the noise he had heard was Cologne struggling with a double armful of ancient artifacts, including a bundle of scrolls while she attempted to open the screen door. He watched her struggle with the screen door and the double armload of goodies for a minute before she finally became frustrated and shouted for Moose to come help her.

Moose came to the door and opened it for her. Neither he nor she noticed that one of the scrolls had fallen on the sticky grease laden pavement of the alley. Moose closed the inner door in a big hurry because Cologne was shouting a long list of things for him to do inside the restaurant.

Happosai waited. He was ever suspicious when it came to Cologne.

S _he has pulled this kind of thing on me before. It was a trap. Okay, so lots of women have tried to trap me before, but they always use one of my silky darlings as bait, not some ancient looking scroll. Still, it might rain on that old thing and it will become illegible if not coming all apart at the first touch. That wouldn't be good, now would it?_

Happosai danced with irritation. He was torn between the urge to recover the scroll and the thought of what might happen if Cologne caught him taking it.

 _What the hell?_ He asked himself. _What is she gonna do to me that she hasn't done before?_ He shuddered when he remember that they had made love to each other in her younger days. _Wouldn't want that to happen now, would I?_

"What the hell! I'll go get the damned thing," Happosai announced to his empty hideout. "If it has anything to do with medicine or sumthin' like that I'll give it back to her."

He bounced down the seldom used stairs and out into the alleyway and hid behind a garbage can. He checked to make doubly sure that there was no one lying in wait for him. If there was, then he could not detect them by any means, visual, smell, hearing or even by ki signature. He darted out and retrieved the scroll. It was limp from the moisture it had soaked up from the wet pavement. He decided to take back to his hide out where he could dry it out with a hand held hair dryer that he had acquired, "quite by accident."

Drying the scroll seemed to take forever, but it was only fifteen minutes. Happosai flattened it out on the shaky table that the movers left behind and read the scroll in the dim light that had first been filtered by the overcast sky and then by the fine screen in the transom vent. It was not an ancient scroll. It was written earlier that year and it was an advertisement for plants that needed to be planted during the fall of the year. One of them was quite curious.

Happosai was a lot of things, but one of the thing he wasn't was a good reader. He had to mutter the words he read as he read them. "Says here that this plant is one hundred percent dioecious. I wonder what that means? It...! Never mind! I'll order a hundred of 'em. Hell! Maybe I'll order their entire crop! It's been made illegal in China, but it would be of great service here in Japan."

Happosai laughed as he rubbed his little hands together. "Maybe I've found a way to get this country out of its doldrums. It's been entirely too lifeless in Japan for a decade now. We'll see what happens once I start planting this stuff around Nerima."

He hastened his return to the Tendou dojo to get help from Nabiki. She had all the means he needed to place a large order for these plants.

 _Wait a minute! I'm supposed be avoiding her and everyone else at Tendo-ke. It doesn't matter. I've got a friend at the bank that'll help me out with this, and she'll likely charge me less than Nabiki would. "Hee-hee-hee! Gotta love it when a plan comes together! Ooh! I gotta start stealing planters now. Gonna be busy, busy, busy! That's just what an old fart like me needs. Something to take his mind off of his youthful sins and follies._

* * *

Onna-Ranma was running through his kata in the rain. He was running through them because: he never went more than a day without practicing his art; it was October and it rained nearly all day every day in Tokyo during October; he was beginning to feel a lot more comfortable with his female body. Besides, he needed to practice his footwork on a slippery surface. Furinkan's athletic field was as slick and muddy as it could get.

As with anyone who cursed by Jusenkyou, he was now a water magnet and with as much rain that fell in Tokyo during September and October there was no way for him to stay in his male form. Cold water would find him no matter how hard he tried to avoid it. He almost always had to suffer through a menstrual period during these two months. _May as well turn that into training as well. If a girl can deal with it, I can,_ he thought.

It was much the same for his father and all the other people cursed by Jusenkyou and lived anywhere near Tokyo. It also pretty much explained why Ryoga was never around during October, but then, Ryoga now had a farm to work.

"I'll bet that big brute is pulling a plow about now without a horse or a tractor," Onna-Ranma muttered. "Good luck, Hibiki-san. I wish you well."

Saotome was on the twelfth and most esoteric kata of his school when his sense of danger notified him of a presence. He did his best to carry through with the kata as he struggled to identify who or what the presence was. It felt a lot like Shampoo, but her ki signature was way off. He finally stopped and called out, "Okay, Shampoo. Come on out where I can see you."

Shampoo had been openly watching him for the entire time Ranma had been doing the Twelfth Kata. Only she was wet and very much a female now, rather than feline.

"What are you doing here?" Onna-Ranma asked. "Did you take a dip in the Spring-of-Drowned-Girl?"

Shampoo giggled. "Get curse-control soap through mail. No have to return to Jusekyou. Airen no see Akane or Nabiki lately, has he?"

"No, why?"

"They have curse now. They become mans when they get into cold water."

Onna-Ranma felt his blood freeze. _Sorry little bastard really did it, just like Kenzan-kun said he would. How many men does that lecherous old hump expect me to fuck?_ Onna-Ranma's face became a hard mask of fury; he said nothing.

Otoko-Shampoo shrugged her shoulders. "Shampoo not know how, only know happen. Stick-boy get splashed too."

"Kuno got hit?" Onna-Ranma asked. "He's a she now?"

Otoko-Shampoo nodded her head. "Was splashed by gakki from behind, at same time Nabiki get splashed. Nabiki splashed by boy gakki. Stick-boy by girl gakki."

Onna-Ranma started to wonder about something. "Who told you about all this?"

"Nabiki tell Great-grandmother when she call to see if we have curse-control soap. You no been Tendo-ke?"

Onna-Ranma shrugged his shoulders. "I stopped stayin' there a week after our got wedding trashed." His voice showed his pain, even though he had done his best to contain it. He was not all that enthused about showing any weakness of any kind to any Amazon, let alone Shampoo.

"Shampoo lots of things, but no liar. I no sorry about what happen to wedding. Is no legal."

Onna-Ranma sighed out loud despite himself. He found looking up at Shampoo disconcerting. She was taller than him in her natural form; Shampoo had to look down at him before they could look one another in the eye.

"I never thought that you would be happy, but it's legal here and I wanted it to happen."

"Shampoo no care what Airen want. Airen owe Shampoo something - baby at least."

"Why should I believe that?" Onna-Ranma asked in a deeply suspicious voice. "And what would make you think that I wont be an even worse father than Shit-daddy was?"

"You no be father at all!" Shampoo shouted in a voice that blasted Onna-Ranma's hair back. Her female voice carried enormous power when she was angry. "I take baby back to village. Village and Shampoo take care of child." She thumped her breastbone with the palm of her right hand to emphasize her argument.

"That's what bothers the hell out of me," Onna-Ranma said. "You'll raise him or her to be a bigot."

"What mean bigot?"

"That's what my old man and my mother are! They're bigots. All they ever cared about was how 'manly' I was. They never considered for a second that I might be something completely different. Or that a girl is just as valuable as a boy. That never crossed their little pea sized brains."

"Girls is much more valuable than is boys!"

"Oh, really? Then why do you even bother to keep boy babies? Why don't you ship them off to the Musk? Or the Phoenix tribe?"

"Not get back if ship to the Phoenix tribe."

"And not the Musk either," Ranma said. He was disgusted; his face showed it as he spat. "This curse has taught me something. I hafta think that it was the Will of Heaven that I got it."

"What Ranma mean?"

"Oh, you'll see soon enough, I have learned some importan lessons from Jusenkyou. Now you'll learn some of the same lessons that I learned because I am going to go out of my way to teach them to you - and that old hag."

"Shampoo hate Airen! No like being cat when get wet! Is you fault that this happen to Shampoo!"

"There's no way that's true! You earned it, Shampoo. Jusenkyou chooses its victims with great care. I worked hard for this curse. It took me a long time to understand why I have it, but now I do."

"What Ranma understand, huh? Ranma know how to be real girl now? Is right?"

"No, I don't know how to be a real girl. Bein' a girl still a mystery ta me, but at least now I know right down to my bones that I'm still baffled by it."

"Shampoo hate you. Was bad enough that Shampoo was married to a boy who turn into a girl with cold water splash, but now Shampoo turn into cat with same splash. Shampoo want old life back!"

This took Onna-Ranma back for a second. "You what?"

Onna-Ranma froze at the very thought of Shampoo had been through and that she now hated him for making her suffer.

"At least you never get trapped in shoes that are too small."

"What make Ranma say that? Is no fun being lost in own clothes."

"When I was working for Kuso-baba at the Nekohanten," Ranma said. "Every time that hot soup would spill on me my feet would kill me. They were trapped in high-heel shoes that were three sizes too small for my guy-type."

"Shampoo thought all that screaming was because of the Cat's Tongue pressure point."

"It was some of both, believe me," Onna-Ranma said. "What kind of shoes do you have on now?"

"Is slippers. Why ask?"

 _She's right,_ Onna-Ranma thought. _Why should I care?_ Aloud he said, "'Cause I feel guilty for everything that has happened since me and Shit-daddy visited China."

Shampoo was taken aback. Onna-Ranma decided that the iron was hot enough to strike.

He dropped to one knee and bowed his head. "I'm sorry for everything that happened, Shampoo."

"You...you no Ranma! You somebody else!" Shampoo shrieked. "Aiyaah! Must go tell Great-grandmother!"

Then she turned on her heel and sprinted off into the mists. Ranma stared after her for a few minutes, then headed for his container and the warmth of his kotatsu.

* * *

"Did you find his nest, Saotome?" Soun asked. Genma had just waddled into the main room of Miyagi's Sake Parlor as a panda. Neither Soun Tendou nor any of the guests were surprised by this. It was October in Tokyo. The rain was practically non-stop. Soun hastened to pour hot water on his long time friend and companion,turning him back into a human. Genma's dougi popped out of his personal pocket dimension as he changed forms. All he had to do was to adjust his clothing.

"Yeah, he moved into an old shipping container out on the extreme northwest corner of Nerima-ku."

"That's about as far away as the boy can get and still be in the district," Soun said. "Are you sure that he's actually still interested in the pledge to carry on the school?"

Genma shrugged his shoulders. "He's out earning money the same way we did back when we were his age, but he's giving most of it to Nabiki."

"That's a good sign, Saotome," Soun said. "If Ranma is willing to give even part of his money to Nabiki, that means he is at least still interested in the dojo."

"Personally, I think that he's interested in two of your three daughters."

This news took Soun Tendou aback. He began to tear up. "What?"

"It's true. I think that his guy side is in love with Akane and that his girl side admires Nabiki no end. Jusenkyou does funny things to people."

"Like messing up their sexuality?" Soun asked.

"It goes well beyond that, Tendou-kun," Genma answered in his most serious voice. When he became serious, his voice began to sound like to large boulders grinding together. "The curse is plaguing me with mental and emotional changes! I think I have almost acquired full control over it because I now know what it is to be a panda."

"I thought there were times when you turned panda without the benefit of cold water!"

"Where there's an ill-tempered Nodoka with sharp steel, there's a way, Tendou-kun."

Soun burst out laughing.

"It's far easier to invoke the curse than to reverse it, especially in weather like we are having right now."

"You mean that cold water just drips on you, right?"

"No, I mean I can will myself to become a panda whenever I really want to, but I can't always shed my cursed form, no matter how badly I want to."

Soun thought about this for a few minutes. While he was thinking, Genma poured him a cup of saki and he automatically reciprocated. They may well have been rude and crude lower class Japanese men, but that did not mean that they were without some modicum of manners and culture. Had he not wanted more saki, he would have not drank from his cup. The thing was, he did want more saki so he drank several cups in a row that Genma obliging refilled before taking up the subject of Jusenkyou curses with Saotome. "Do you think that Ranma has been working on controlling his curse?"

"Not consciously, no. I mean, there have been several times that I have seen him go girl without cold water, mostly when Nodoka unexpectedly showed up at Tendo-ke, but I don't think that he realizes he did that. I don't know that he has ever tried to will his manhood back. He probably believes that hot water is necessary to get rid of the curse."

"It isn't?"

"Only mostly," Genma answered. "Once you become accustomed to being cursed, you get some control over it."

"So then it becomes a blessing, right?"

"Well, I can't stop myself from going panda when I get hit with a large quantity of cold water, and I can't always change myself back into a man when I want, but yeah, in some ways, it's a blessing - not a curse."

"Perhaps you should start thinking of it as a blessing, Saotome-kun."

Genma gave out a disgusted growl. "I don't really like raw foods all that much. I hate the taste of raw pika."

"I didn't realize that panda's ate anything besides bamboo."

"Bamboo is the bigger part of our diet, all right," Genma said. Soun raised his eyebrows in surprise at Genma's use of the plural pronoun, "but we're also opportunistic predators. We'll eat just about anything that doesn't put up a big fight."

"We, Saotome-kun? Our, even?"

"See? I told you the curse was a more serious problem than it seems."

Hearing this news, Soun decided he needed more saki. It would help him think by keeping his emotions restrained. "If you are slowly becoming more of a panda, what is happening to your son, Saotome-kun?"

Genma growled again, sounding very much the way he did when he was in his cursed form. "He's becoming more girlish with each passing day, Tendou-kun."

"Do you think that he will be able to..."

"Father a child?" Genma asked. "If we hurry he might. For all I know, he might still father children for the next twenty years, but I'm not willing to bet on that."

"I was thinking more about Akane, and not him fathering her child, but your point is well taken, Genma-kun. That could well become an issue if we don't hurry things along."

* * *

Onna-Konatsu was wearing all beige to better blend in with the wall surrounding Tendo-ke. An estate in Japan is rather like a ranch in California. A ranch in California can be a huge place or a house trailer on a tiny lot; both qualified as ranches to Californians. The neighborhood surrounding Tendo-ke was made up of small, by American standards, estates. They were, however monstrously impressive by Japanese standards. A mansion like Kuno-ke was simply outrageous and became subject to heavy estate taxes if the family failed to take the proper precautions before its patriarch died.

Onna-Konatsu stood stock still in the rain, waiting for the last mother of the last school kid to go back into their house. The key to not being discovered was patience on top of patience added to being patient, then striking your target with lightning like speed when the time came.

He was up the only tree that had taken root next to the outside of the wall around Tendo-ke in a flash, being careful to keep its trunk between him and Soun's house. He, like Ranma, could employ a version of the Umisenken, but that technique was a major drain on a person's ki. It was better for his ki and his training as a ninja to use camouflage. After he situated himself comfortably in the tree, he released a cape that was a fairly accurate copy of wet tree bark. It would serve to hide his presence until well after dark which was only an hour or so away.

He was not here to see any of the Tendou family. He was here to see Ranma Saotome. Konatsu knew that Ranma would often view Tendo-ke from this particular tree for a few minutes everyday. Ranma no longer lived at Tendo-ke and had not lived there since the disastrous attempt at a wedding ceremony. He had moved and, despite Kenzan Konatsu's considerable skills at tracking people, Ranma had been careful not to reveal the location of his new domicile. Perhaps Tendou's middle daughter, Nabiki, knew, but Konatsu doubted it. She had not offered that information for sale to anyone, not even her own sisters insofar as Konatsu had been able to learn - and he had learned much just by listening to the constant swirls of gossip surrounding the Tendou-Saotome faction.

Onna-Konatsu had taken the precaution of wearing lineman's spurs to climb the tree rather than the more traditional sort that his fellow ninja used. The modern lineman's spurs were more reliable and easier to use. He also had on a pair of hook-like claws for his hands so that he could use the lineman's spurs without a belly strap.

He remained very near the trunk of the tree to stay better hidden, but after something like forty-five minutes that position became uncomfortable, causing him to use more and more energy to stay in place. Worse, the rain grew increasingly heavy as the sun sank, making the world a very cold and lonely place while he clung to the tree trunk. He was about to give up on seeing Ranma and go back to the Ucchan for the day, when he heard a faint sound that did not belong in the quiet rain. It sounded much like a soft shoe sole scuffing on a roofing tile. Suddenly, a limb on Konatsu's left jiggled faintly. It was Ranma in his female form. Onna-Konatsu fought off the urge to giggle.

"Konbanwa, Ranma-kun."

Onna-Ranma did a double take followed by a blank stare at Onna-Konatsu. Onna-Konatsu's hair was no longer its normal shiny black. It was a kind of strawberry blonde. The changes to the now genuine kunnoichi face were minimal, but heart stopping and soft. Just looking in the mirror Konatsu knew that his cursed form was much shorter and plumper than his normal form, but it was very appealing nonetheless.

"Kenzan-kun?"

"Guessed it one, Saotome-kun, congratulations! You want a lolly pop? Oh, that's right! I don't have one of those anymore."

Onna-Ranma's face looked as thought it might slide off of his skull in just a few more seconds. "What happened to you?"

"Just a couple of gakki armed with a cask of water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Girl, that's all."

"Gakki?"

"Yep! Gotta give ye Olde Lecher credit where it is due. Choosing pre-teen girls for the mission was the best thing he could've done. I sensed them coming, but did not think of them as a threat."

"So they splashed you from behind, right?"

"Certainly. Just as Happosai would have done-or tried to have done. I would have sensed him though and would now be guilty of a spontaneous murder and a fugitive if he had."

Onna-Ranma shivered. _That might've been the cold rain, but I doubt it,_ Onna-Konatsu thought. "Ukyou-sama blundered into a booby trap. He rigged one of her overhead flour bins to pour water on her once she opened it."

"Dammit!" Onna-Ranma looked ready to explode. "Have you seen..."

"Akane and Nabiki have both been exposed to water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man as well, Saotome-kun," Onna-Konatsu said with heartfelt sympathy in his girlish voice. "I'm sorry."

"What about Kasumi?" Onna-Ranma asked.

"I saw her at the door. She remains untouched as far as I can tell."

"What does Ucchan look like?"

"You've met her father, right?"

"Yeah, big tall Ainu lookin' dude. Has a red beard even."

"Well, she looks a lot like him now after she gets splashed," Onna-Konatsu said. "He must be one of the horniest old goats in Japan."

Onna-Ranma's faced showed his alarm. "Huh?"

"She can't seem to keep her hands off of me while she's male," Onna-Konatsu said, shrugging his deceptively thin shoulders."

The rain, which had been growing steadily worse as they talked, now came down in a sudden and very hard downpour. Onna-Konatsu watched as Onna-Ranma wiped the water out of his eyes instead of scratching the back of his neck as Onna-Konatsu had expected.

"Shit!"Onna-Ranma's eyes were wide with horror. "That's awful!"

"What's awful is the way this body responds to that sort of behavior."

Onna-Ranma was clearly brought up short on this news. His face showed it. His behavior made Onna-Konatsu suspect that Onna-Ranma had suffered from similar experiences while in his female form.

"I get wet between the legs and my nipples get rock hard." Onna-Konatsu added.

"Yah mean like they are now?"

"That's from the cold, Saotome-kun! You nipples are in a rather perky shape now as well."

Onna-Ranma gave another involuntary shiver. "Let's get in out of this weather!"

"I'm all for that," Onna-Konatsu said, "but are you certain that your fiancée will not molest you?"

"We ain't gonna give her the chance," Onna-Ranma said. "We'll go hole up in my shack on the other side of Nerima."

 _So, he's a coward at heart? Can't be from all the other stuff that I know and have heard about. Oh and no wonder I haven't been able to find his hiding place. It's not any where near here. I was expecting him to hole up somewhere nearby._

"Lead on, Saotome-kun, but take it easy. I'm still trying to acclimate to my new form."

Onna-Ranma nodded his head. "Don't I know it! You're lucky, you know. You ain't got Shit-daddy yellin' atcha an makin' fun of ya constantly the way I did."

Onna-Ranma jumped out of the tree to the sidewalk. He crossed the street and leaped up to a nearby roof top. Konatsu followed suit, only taking just enough time to shed his linesman's spurs. This was necessary because their stirrups would crack roofing tiles on contact. Besides, the roofing tiles were touchy when dry. They were much worse in the wet. Some of the older ones had algae and moss growing on them and were as slick as motor oil on glass-slicker maybe.

Much to Onna-Konatsu's shock, Onna-Ranma led him to shipping container that sat on blocks in an empty lot in the extreme northwest corner of Nerima. Right next to the lot was a field of daikon radish as well as a large patch of ground devoted to asparagus. There were also numerous greenhouses around. The container door opened with a loud creaking protest. It was a struggle for Onna-Ranma to open.

Nevertheless, they bustled inside and hurriedly stripped off their wet clothing. Onna-Ranma tossed Onna-Konatsu a towel and got one for himself. They dried themselves in silence being too concerned with drying off and staying warm to talk.

"Shit-daddy and Soun over at Miyagi's tonight?" Onna-Ramma asked. He fumbled around with the breaker box and flipped a breaker. It made a loud clacking noise. "Now the kotatsu is on. Have a seat over there on that cushion. I'll get us sumthin' dry to wear."

Onna-Konatsu quickly sat down, shoving his dainty feet under the table. He could not remember the last time he had enjoyed artificial warmth so much.

"Yes, they are both at Miyagi's Saki Parlor. They'll most likely get home drunk as a pair of tanuki tonight."

"Not surprised by that. The weather's just right for them to act that way. What about the old freak?"

"Him, I have not been able to find, but then you know how hard to find he can be."

Disgust rode high in Onna-Ranma's face. "Yeah, I do. He's in double-deep shit with me this time."

"I am sorry, Saotome-kun, but I have dibs on that old monster. He might have had an excuse for what he did to Akane and her middle sister because he sees them as being members of his school, I don't know, but what he did to my Ukyou is unforgivable as far as I am concerned. I _will_ kill him."

Onna-Ranma made a wry face and then pitched Onna-Konatsu a pair of sweat pants and a sweat shirt. He pulled on similar clothing over his still female body and sat down without saying anything. Onna-Konatsu pulled on the borrowed clothing in silence.

"You don't have any objections?"

"Naw, I'll just welcome ya to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, that's all." Onna-Ranma looked even more disgusted than he did when they started talking about Happosai.

 _This is interesting. He's welcoming me into his school?_ Konatsu asked, "When did I join your school of martial arts, Saotome-kun?"

"The second those two little gakki splashed you with water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Girl, that's when," Onna-Ranma said. "And then, you became an even more ardent member of the school after Ucchan blundered into that booby trap the old fart set for her."

"You're saying that the old monster uses hate as a tool for recruitment?"

"Something like that, yeah," Onna-Ranma said. "Shit-Daddy has used the same sort of madness on me for goin' on twelve years now. Since I been stayin' at Tendo-ke, I met Happosai and my real lessons began. It's been two years of pure hell so far."

Onna-Konatsu closed his eyes to re-center himself and savor the warmth of the kotatsu. A prolonged silence followed. Onna-Ranma broke it with a question.

"Did you get a good look at otoko-teki Akane?"

"Yes, I did," Onna-Konatsu said. "She makes for a rather handsome man for a woman. She has noticeably well-developed shoulders in her masculine form."

"No surprises there. Does she look like her father at all?"

"Not really. She does favor him slightly while in her masculine form, but she is not an exact copy of him. Nabiki looks a lot more like Soun than Akane does."

Onna-Ranma heaved a sigh and shook his head.

"Nabiki has next to no muscles in her upper body when she's male," Onna-Konatsu said. "I think it would be wise of you to help her with that."

Onna-Ranma slapped the table with his right palm. "Fat chanc of that happenin'! She's not gonna go for that at all. She might have to get sweaty to build up any muscle."

"Not to mention the soreness that comes with putting on muscle," Onna-Konatsu said, making a wry face, "but my advice is that you speak with her about it at the first possible opportunity."

Onna-Ranma gave out an audible groan. "I see whatcher drivin' at now. She's gonna have an enemies list that's at least ten kilometers long."

"Something like that, yes."

"Fuck! Why me?"

"I don't know. Perhaps because you are available and have a conscience?"

"You do realize that I am gonna hafta have stern talks with a bunch of people that don't like Nabiki, right?"

"You want help with that?" Onna-Konatsu smiled. It was a very compelling smile. He could tell from the way Onna-Ranma reacted to it. "I'm available for a price."

"There's an idea! You and me extorting money from Nerima's extortionist extraordinairė! Wont' that be fun?"

"It could be, but then I don't have the same compunctions that you have, Saotome-kun," Onna-Konatsu said. He watched Onna-Ranma shudder at his words and smiled.

"I guess that when you're a ninja it doesn't pay to be squeamish, does it?"

"Not really, no," Onna-Konatsu said with a shrug. "Not that I have ever killed anyone, but I would not have a problem with it if I got paid well enough."

"Anyone?" Onna-Ranma asked. "Just anyone? What if someone wanted you to kill Ucchan?"

"That would be different," Onna-Konatsu said. "I would of course accept such an offer just so I could ascertain who was really behind it and then kill them instead of her."

"What if they targeted me or Akane or..."

Onna-Konatsu held up his dainty hand for silence. "If a violation of giri is required for a mission, the price for that mission becomes astronomical."

"So I don't gotta worry, provided Kuno never wants to hire you ta take my head?"

"Saotome-kun, I would kill Kuno for you tomorrow if you are concerned about him. Rest assured, he cannot pay the price I would charge him."

"What about my old man?"

Onna-Konatsu grinned. "That's a different thing altogether. Do you really want him dead?"

"Naw! I don't. I still got uses for the flee-bitten old rug."

"Anytime you want him dead, let me know," Onna-Konatsu said. "I consider him to be at least as culpable in all of this as Happosai."

Onna-Ranma looked surprised, then looked puzzled. "I see what you're drivin' at, Kenzan-kun. I...I...just don't know if I...really want to..."

"Go that far?" Onna-Konatsu asked. "I'm glad that I am not you, Saotome-kun. I would have already burned Tendo-ke and Saotome-ke to the ground."

"I'm surprised that you didn't burn your family's place down sooner than you did. They really and truly had it coming to them."

Onna-Konatsu shrugged his pretty shoulders. He remembered his mad delight the day he shook kerosene out on what remained of the family tea house and bar. The flames were positively delightful as they rose, turning the bits of the old teahouse curling up into light ash. "It's just like they say, Saotome-kun. The first time is the hardest. It would be much easier for me to do again."

"You don't want that kind of thing to become a habit, though, Konatsu-kun."

"Well, given that fire makes for a spectacular crime, you're right. I should avoid it-but I love it so much! Burning things down is one of the missions that were commonly given to ninja back in the old days."

"Yeah, well, it ain't the old days no more, Konatsu-kun. The best way to avoid getting caught is pull a crime that no one notices until a long time after it has been committed."

"Yes, that's so true. Most crimes are very much like murder. One must go to great lengths in order to avoid the unwanted attention of the constabulary."

"That's where a Jusenkyou curse can come in handy."

"I had not considered that, Ranma-kun. Your female form does not resemble your male form all that much."

"Neither would yours if you would change hairstyles."

Onna-Konatsu patted his strawberry blond hair as he considered what Onna-Ranma just said. "It would have to be something other than a traditional hairstyle, though, wouldn't it?"

"The way you wear your hair now is right out of the eighteenth century, Kenzan-kun," Onna-Ranma said in his exceptionally arrogant way. Onna-Konatsu found himself gulping at the feminine fellow's manners to reign in his temper.

 _I need him,_ Onna-Konatsu thought. _That means that I cannot start fights with him. I must let him do as he pleases and chalk whatever he says up to him being his untrained and unmannered self. How does he expect to survive doing covert work with manners like that? I'll save that question for later. Right now is the time for me to listen._

"I'll need some tips on that, I think. It should be shorter than it is now, but not so short that it would look funny on my cursed body."

"You got it, Konatsu-kun! You need to have it done by a professional, too. You shouldn't just hack your hair off with a knife or anything like that. I would sell yours to a wig maker."

"A wig maker?"

"Yeah, women with cancer go bald from chemotherapy all the time. There's a growin' shortage of human hair here in Japan and in every other country that treats cancer."

"I did not realize that, Ranma-kun. I am surprised that you do."

"It's because of Akane's mom. She died of cancer a long time ago. I heard the story from Akane while we were wondering around in Ryugenzawa."

"Ryugenzawa? Isn't that a magic forest?"

"Yeah, it is-sorta. There's lotsa big overgrown animals livin' in it."

"It must have been an interesting trip. I'm sorry learn of your fiancée's misfortune, though."

"So was I. That's why I suggested that you go to a wig maker to have your hair cut."

"You are rude and crude to the point of being insufferable at times, Saotome-kun, but then you turn right around and say or do something that is agonizingly noble."

Onna-Ranma was, atypically, left at sea by this statement. His silence spoke volumes for Onna-Kenzan which delighted the ninja no end.

"Why don't you tell me how you have survived with your curse all this time. I was not aware that it is such a burden until after my own body became cursed."

"I'm sure you were thinking of it as a blessing, right?"

Onna-Kenzan nodded his head.

"Now, after you're saddled with it, you realize that bein' a girl ain't all that good of a deal, right?"

"No. I'm weaker and slower. My balance is all wrong - plus - it just feels wrong. I can't explain this, but there's this huge difference between my normal body and my cursed body that I cannot describe in words. Then there's what I go through when I change. It nauseates me."

"The nausea will pass after about your hundredth change. How many times have you changed so far?"

"Ten that I can remember."

Onna-Ranma shrugged his fine-boned shoulders. "By the time I got here to Nerima, I had already gotten past the nausea. I had lost count of the number of times that I changed into my cursed form. Now I sometimes don't notice at all when I change. You'll be okay. It just takes time and so many changes thatcha can't remember 'em all."

"What about the feminine urges-especially the ones that urge you to be attracted to males."

Onna-Ranma took in a long deep breath. "We had a very long trip back from Jusenkyou. We traveled on foot out of the Bayankala region of China towards the coast. We were being hunted by Shampoo for all that time. I was so preoccupied that I never got any such urge until I got here."

"I see."

"No, you don't see - not really. I stayed in my cursed form so much while I was in China that just before we got on a ship to come back here, I had my first period."

"Do what?"

"You heard me. I had my first menstruation in China."

Onna-Kenzan felt his jaw sag. I didn't realize that part-time girls would have periods.

"The possibility of me havin' a period never crossed Pop's mind. I sure as hell didn't know what was goin' on! When I started bleedin', I thought I was dyin' of some horrible disease or sumthin'. Shit-Daddy found some hot water and poured it on me before we boarded ship. I stayed male until after we reached Japan."

"How did you stay at see for several days and not have your curse invoked?"

"Simple! I stayed below decks for the entire trip. Never got splashed once in all that time."

This tripped something in Onna-Konatsu's mind. So, the longer you stay cursed, the longer you can go without being cursed?

"I'm surprised you did not get hit by cold water anyway, given that you were on a ship at sea."

"So am I, now thatcha mention it," Onna-Ranma said as he scratched the back of his neck. "I wonder why that happened? It's not as though the seas were calm on that trip. One time I even threw up my sandals it was so bad." Onna-Ranma shook his head to clear it. "Anyway, we got back to Japan at the tail end of summer break. Between the tropical disturbances and the usual monsoon rains, we stayed wet from Fukuoka to Nerima. Hell! The day we arrived in Nerima I was soaked to the skin and was fightin' Shit-daddy."

"So you were female the first day you arrived in Nerima."

"Yes, I was, but the bleedin' had stopped by then. A week stayin' dry musta cured it."

"What were you fighting your father over? Food?"

"Nah! I was fightin' him over him engagin' me to one of Tendou's daughters."

"I can see why the situation annoyed you."

"Oh, you could, could you? Knowin' what I know now, I wouldn't say nothin' like that."

"No offense intended, Saotome-kun."

"None taken. I mean, it took me months to figger out how ta cope with civilization. I'm still workin' on that."

"I sympathize, Saotome-kun. I too, am a victim of childhood trauma."

Onna-Ranma made a disgusted face. "I don't and can't see myself as a victim, Konatsu-kun. I just am what I am - I'm doin' my best to improve myself to get by my upbringin'."

"Then you should at least be open to some suggestions, right?"

Onna-Ranma gave Onna-Konatsu a hard and prolonged stare. "I think I could probably use your advice on some things, yeah."

"I suggest that we put that off to some to some little time in future, Saotome-kun. I'd like to know more about how you have adapted to your curse, if I may."

"I don't know that you can say that I have adapted, Konatsu-kun. I honestly don't."

"Well then, what have you done to cope with it?"

"Mostly I've avoided it as much as I possibly could. If that fails, I just go back to bein' a guy as soon as I can. The first year I lived with the damned thing was the best in some ways, even though I had a period for three months running that year. I didn't know what to expect and the curse kept too busy to worry about it. The next year was slightly worse because I became such a water magnet. By the time September rolled around and the weather got bad I had a period that month and then another one the following October. Last year, I only had a period in October."

"How do guys affect your curse?"

"I'm certain that they make it much worse."

Onna-Konatsu widened his eyes at this. It was a surprise. "How so?"

"Can you imagine being sexually aroused by Kuno of all people?"

Onna-Konatsu shuddered. "Kuno Tatewaki? The merchant samurai?"

Onna-Ranma nodded gravely nodded his head. "He sent me a letter asking to meet me on the Furinkan athletic field at sunset. I went there expecting him to challenge me to a fight."

Onna-Konatsu studied the silent Onna-Ranma's face. He was clearly upset by what he was remembering. "And?"

"And, instead of fightin' me he told me that I was more beautiful than the sunset and then gave me a bundle of roses. Then he said that he loved me. Ya shoulda seen it. The sun was goin' down and the sky was lit up with all kinds of colors. I gotta give him credit for his timing."

Onna-Konatsu burst out laughing despite himself. "As well as his obliviousness! Ha! Ha! Ha! What did that do to you?"

"It was really weird because I couldn't stand the guy from the very start, but he hit me pretty hard that evening. I mean, the flattery, the flowers, along with his good...yuck...looks. Geez! I can't believe I'm tellin' anyone this stuff. He made my girl side's hormones take over there for a few minutes. They drove me to my knees as he sauntered off into the sunset like Mifune-sama did in that movie he made about the life of Musashi.

Onna-Konatsu threw his head back and had a good belly laugh over that one. "I'm sorry, Ranma-kun, but you must admit that it's funny."

"Yeah, sure. It's funny now, but it wasn't one bit funny when it actually happened."

Onna-Konatsu shook his head and laughed some more. He was unable to control himself.

"The worst came later that night after I went to sleep. I dreamed about the loony bastard bein' after my girl half all night. I was exhausted when I woke up the next morning." Onna-Ranma shivered as though freezing winds were blowing through his container.

Onna-Konatsu suppressed the urge to laugh, but gave Onna-Ranma a sly smile despite his best efforts not to. "What did you dream? Was it nasty or something?"

"Naw...well...It all depends on what you think of as nasty. The emotions involved were revolting because they were associated with Kuno-asshole, the Blue Blunder of Furinkan High. It still makes my skin crawl." Onna-Ranma ground his teeth together as he gave another involuntary shiver. "That was the day I discovered I had a weakness for flattery. Me! Saotome Ranma! Brought to his knees by a little dab of flattery and a bundle of roses. Yech!"

"Did you ever have an urge to hide your curse?"

"Oh, sure I did. Still do for some things, but you can't hide it from everyone all the time. I nearly killed myself grave yard dead trying to keep my curse secret after I first got it. I especially wanted to keep it a close secret after I arrived here, but it was hopeless. Word about how I changed got around."

"Have you ever had a complete stranger throw water on you?"

"Just that little old lady who lives near Furinkan on Ferns Street. She catches me with her ladle nearly every time I pass her place."

"No one else?"

"Only one. It was a jock who played baseball. He was voted the most valuable player on Furinkan's team. I nearly got expelled from school for what I did to him, but it was the assistant principal who stood his ground for me."

"I'm relatively sure word got around about your ability to deal punishment got around over that."

"Maybe, I don't know."

"That's only part of the picture though. What I am interested in is..."

"You wanna know if I'm attracted to guys when I'm a girl, right? Lemme ask this, are you?"

"Yes, I am. Especially Ukyou-sama while she's in her cursed form."

"You see where we are now, don't-cha? We're here in my secret hideout because I don't know what I might do when I see Akane's guy side."

"So, the great Saotome Ranma needed to talk to someone about his crisis in sexuality before he saw his cursed fiancée. Is that right?"

Onna-Ranma's face reflected that he did not like Onna-Konatsu's question, but he followed through with resolve. "Yes, you're right. I'm puttin' way more to the touch than I should here, Konatsu-kun."

"I accept the burden, Saotome-kun."

"Thank you, Konatsu-kun. I knew that you'd unnerstand. The thing I hate about this girl curse more than any other part of it is that gestures, cat-calls, all of that usual manly stuff embarrasses the shit out of me, even as it arouses my girl half. I can't even understand why that happens! My girl side is ever bit as offended as my guy side when guys pull that kind of shit, yet it gets aroused. My female body doesn't seem ta know that they're bein' insulting, you know?"

"This explains your reluctance to do anything with a girl, though, doesn't it?"

Onna-Ranma was badly upset and his face showed how badly he was upset. "Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, my girl side is just practically beggin' me to accept any guy that comes along. It's almost as though she'd love to get pregnant."

"There's a genuine probability that she - I mean you could, right?"

Onna-Ranma's nipples stiffened visibly under his shirt. "Yeah, there is. Especially that it's one of the wettest months of the year."

"You do realize that your father has some control over his curse, right?" A brief silence ensued.

"No, I didn't know that!" Onna-Ranma shouted. "What do ya mean he's got 'some' control?"

"I mean that he often turns into a panda without being splashed - especially when your mother is around. I've never witnessed him changing back into his human form without hot water, though."

"That dirty, filthy, flea bitten old bastard! I'll kill 'im for not tellin' me!"

"He may not realize that he has that much control, Ranma-kun."

"How d'ya figure that?"

"Have you ever tried to drink tea from an empty cup?"

"Naw! My old man was never big on that kind of trainin' - or at least he never tried to get me to do anything like that. I've heard about it though."

"I have actually personally succeeded in tasting tea from an empty cup once or twice."

"Oh, really? What's that got to do with the curse?"

"Water from an empty bucket, of course."

"So, you think that if I can simply imagine cold water hittin' me, I would change into a girl?"

"I think that it is likely, Ranma-kun. Your imagination must be very vivid for it to work, though."

"So, cold water from an empty bucket and hot water from an empty kettle, right?"

"You could put it that way, yes."

Onna-Ranma's face went blank and his eyes glazed over. He stayed like that for several minutes. His eyes suddenly focused on Onna-Konatsu's face. "I almost got it. I really did. I could all but feel the hot water running through my hair."

"Perhaps you should start with an empty teacup instead."

"I don't drink that much tea, to tell you the truth. I mostly just drink water."

"Even in cold weather?"

"Yeah, well, I picked that habit up in China. They drink hot water during cold weather. Most of 'em are too poor to afford tea or coffee all the time."

"It's going to be very long October, isn't it?" Konatsu asked.

The prolonged silence became uncomfortable and after a few minutes, Onna-Ranma decided to renew their conversation. "I gotta admit, the curse has its compensations, but October is always hell for me."

"It's funny," Konatsu said, "but I did not realize that a woman's color vision is so much better than that of a man. I was abnormally fast as a guy, but now I do stuff before even I can follow it. You're right, being female is not without its advantages. It's just that I hate my female body. I hate it when it changes and I don't want it to."

"Yeah, I know, but you'll get used to it. Ice cream tastes a lot better for girls, by the way. Have ya tried it yet?"

"No, I have never eaten ice cream." Konatsu replied and suddenly looked shy and secretive. "I was saving that experience to enjoy with Ukyou."

"Saving it for Ukyou? You've been making love to her for how long now? And you still haven't eaten any ice cream with her?"

"Ukyou is in the retail food business, Saotome-kun," Onna-Konatsu said. She sounded plaintive. "She never has any time to take off."

"Oh, I get it. Cook, bathe, fuck and sleep in that order, right?"

"Sometimes we screw, yes. Other times we just go to sleep from exhaustion if the evening rush was bad."

"Sometimes I hate my guy side even worse," Onna-Ranma said. "I can't control what it does whenever I'm around a good looking girl. Akane notices it, too. That's why she's always hittin' me. She can tell that my male body likes to be rubbed on."

Onna-Konatsu considered this revelation in silence for a moment and then asked. "What about your sexual desire for Akane? Does it fade when you turn into a girl?"

"Hell, no!" Onna-Ranma said with genuine outrage in his voice. The very mention of how he felt about Akane at that time of the month lit a fire in Onna-Ranma that he could not understand. "That only gets worse."

"I suppose you will find her guy side completely irresistible once you start ovulating."

"Well kiss my rumpin' raw rusty ass! He wants me to have a kid! That's what the old freak was after! He wants my girl side to get pregnant!"

"My, Saotome! How astute of you."

"Fuck! You do realize that you will have help when it comes time to killin' Happosai, right?"

"I don't mind the idea, but I must remind you that murder is very much an illegal act no matter what the target has done. We should probably pay him back with a curse of his very own."

"What? You mean like a pig, or sumthin'?"

"Is there a Spring-of-Drowned-Pig?"

"Yeah there is - wait! That won't work. Happosai would love being a cute little pig. Girls love those damned things."

"Doesn't Akane have a pet pig?"

"Yes, she does..." Onna-Ranma was suddenly unable to continue. Ryoga's behavior was very embarrassing for him to talk about. Besides, he had promised to never tell anyone about his frenemy's curse. "The old freak dressed up like a cute little pig and tried to sleep with Akane once."

"You did not like that, I assume."

"No I didn't! Neither did Ryoga. We fought the old bastard until he whipped both of us, then he hopped into bed with Akane who had fallen asleep during our battle."

Onna-Konatsu blew out his breath to show how frustrated he felt.

"The funny thing was, is that the old freak never got to enjoy a minute of it."

"Oh, why was that?" Onna-Konatsu asked.

"Akane thrashes around like a hay bailer in her sleep. She beat the living shit out of the old bastard: elbowed him in his face, kneed him in the ribs and groin. It was hilarious. Ryoga and I laughed our asses off at him."

Onna-Konatsu laughed out loud. Onna-Ranma smiled at the memory of the annoying Happosai getting a rough night of it.

"Where is Ryoga by the way? I haven't seen him for months now."

"Well, he went to China with us this last time. One thing I'll say _for_ that obnoxious blockhead is that he always shows up to fight me when I need him the most. He split off from us on the way back and I haven't seen him since."

Onna-Konatsu shook his head. "So where is he now? Do you know?"

"I'm pretty sure he's working on the Unryuu pig farm. He took a shine to Akari and her sumo pigs. God alone knows what she sees in him. I figure he's got all her crops laid by now, and is busy with winter time farming chores."

"You mean like fixing fences and patching barns and corn cribs?"

"Yeah, stuff like that," Onna-Ranma said. "How'd you guess what winter chores for a farmer are?"

"You do remember where our teahouse was, right?"

"Oh, geez! Yeah, I do. Sorry 'bout that."

"Why are you so leery of your father and Tendou-san?"

"'Cause, they want me and Akane to get married and they are subject to surprise us at any time," Onna-Ranma answered. "If they see me and Akane in the same room their heads go out on 'em."

 _It's my turn to be nosy,_ Onna-Ranma thought. "When did you and Ucchan start making love, by the way?"

Onna-Konatsu pursed his lips and looked hurt. "How did you know?"

Onna-Ranma stared at his suddenly touchy friend with his mouth hanging open. "Well, don't worry! It's not like I peeped on you two or anything. It's just the change in Ucchan is so undeniable. She seems happier now - more settled."

Onna-Konatus's face showed how satisfied he was with Onna-Ranma's answer. "The night of your failed wedding, Saotome-kun," Onna-Konatsu said. "She was so upset that she got drunk..."

"And you took advantage of her?" Onna-Ranma asked, He wasn't all that sure he would be happy with such behavior. Ukyou was his oldest friend, after all.

"No! She ripped my clothes off and had her way with me. What'd you expect me to do, tell her no?"

Onna-Ranma started at Onna-Konatsu in shock. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

"Naw, ya did the right thing, Konatsu-kun. I just wish that Akane and I could do the same thing."

"You mean that you've never had..."

"Nope! Never. The mood has been right several times, but there have always been - interruptions. Besides, if we did have sex, we'd find ourselves standing in front of a magistrate within hours - seconds maybe."

"You poor sod," Onna-Konatsu said. "So you've never had sex, right?"

Onna-Ranma shook his head. "Not unless you count Maw Thumb and her four daughters."

"There's a very significant difference between the real thing and..."

"I am well aware of that, Konatsu-kun," Onna-Ranma said. "What I am ignorant of is how significant the differences are."

Onna-Konatsu made a wry face. "You're going to be astonished at the difference. It is unlike anything you have ever imagined." He proceeded to pull a large plastic package out his very own version of hammer space.

"Where'd ja learn to do that?" Onna-Ranma asked.

"My mother taught me - " Onna-Konatsu stopped for reflection " - or was it my dad? I can't remember anymore. One of my parents taught me how to use stuffit space."

"Stuffit space you call it? Comes in handy, don't it?"

"It's an ancient ninja trick." Onna-Konatsu shrugged his pretty shoulders. "Not all that big a deal, really."

"It was for me. I had to learn it by watchin' Mousse."

"The Chinese Amazon?"

"Yep."

"I had no idea."

"He uses it all the time because he's a hidden weapons specialist."

"I did not know about that, either. Do you suppose he's the Chinese equivalent of me?"

"A Chinese ninja ya mean?" Onna-Ranma asked as he got up and started digging through his tiny refrigerator. "You sure you won't have some ice cream with me?"

"Yes, a Chinese ninja," Onna-Konatsu said. Onna-Ranma turned and watched as the fully female ninja struggled with himself over having ice cream. "You promise not to ever tell Ukyou-sama about it?"

"Nah! It'll be a secret just between us Jusenkyou guys."

"Then I will have some, thank you very much."

Onna-Ranma grinned as he dug a quart out of half-gallon container of ice cream and plopped into a large bowl. He set the bowl down in front of Onna-Konatsu and kept the cardboard container for himself.

"There's three colors of ice cream in this bowl. What are they?"

"White's vanilla, the dark brown is chocolate and the pink is strawberry. It's what they call Neapolitan ice cream."

"Why do they call it neo-politan?"

"That's Neapolitan, not neo-politan. The call it that because it was invented in Naples, Italy."

"Oh, I see..." Onna-Konatsu said as he sniffed at the ice cream in his bowl. "It smells delightful."

"You should taste it."

Onna-Konatsu picked up a spoon and dug in. His girlish face lit up with ecstatic joy. "Wow! Dammit, this is good. Where have you been all my life you sweet creamy rascal you?"

Onna-Ranma giggled. "It's been hiding in practically every freezer in Tokyo for years now. There's all kinds of different flavors of this stuff. There's even ayu ice cream."

"Ayu?"

Onna-Ranma nodded his head.

"That's must be prohibitively expensive."

Onna-Ranma made a wry face and nodded. "It is. The only reason I know about it is because I stole some by accident."

"Stole?" Onna-Konatsu asked. "By accident?"

"Well, I stole the stuff on purpose, its just that I didn't know what it was until after I opened it. It took me a while to shake the guys chasin' me so I knew it was expensive. I hadn't eaten for days and I did not really care what was in that big bucket, other than it was something that I could eat."

"So, you were a guy the first time you tasted ice cream?"

"Yep! A big part of my old man's idea of trainin' is outright deprivation. He made me steal or fight for every scrap of food I could come by for eight years."

Onna-Konatsu snorted. "It's getting warm in here. This container is insulated, isn't it?"

"Yep," Onna-Ranma answered as he scooted under the table across from Onna-Konatsu. "Now that we're in here and have the kotatsu charged up, it should warm up fairly quickly."

"Are you renting this place?"

"Buying - from Nabiki."

"Whatever on earth possessed her to..."

"Bad loan to a ronin. She repossessed it so I took up the loan on better terms than she was giving the ronin."

"What? He passed his exams and got a room in a dorm or what?"

"Nah! The poor dumb sod just failed the entrance exams over and over and over. He moved on somewhere without giving Nabiki any notice. Don't know where he went or why."

"So now you're a homeowner?"

Onna-Ranma shook his head. "Actually, I'm what is called a kabushiki kaisha, a business that provides needed services. This is just a real estate investment."

Onna-Konatsu was duly impressed. "So you're a businessman now. What do you do exactly?"

"I'm into asset recovery, which I do mostly on a share the amount recovered basis, along with other services, like working as a yojimbo."

"A yojimbo? How do you get that sort of work?"

"Through Nabiki, actually. She has a number of contacts with the government. They often provide protection for different people for differing reasons. A lot of times the client is just some high muckety-muck that the government wants to flatter, but once-in-a-great while I get a real guard dog job."

"Sounds exciting."

"I...I started to say that I wish it wasn't, but that's not true. I wish I could do somethin' else, but then I'm not trained to be anything but a martial artist. There's only so many kinds of work for people like me."

"I know the feeling, but it seems as though you have been holding out on me. Was my following people around just part of your other work?"

Onna-Ranma grinned and nodded his head. "You and I have a lot in common, don't we, Konatsu-kun?"

"Well, neither one of us had an easy time as children and now we have the same curse from the same place. We even have Ukyou in common. I just wish there was more to life for me than okonomiyaki."

"I'm curious, does she fix that for you two to eat after hours?"

"Only if she's in a hurry. Most of the time she likes to take a break from fixing okonomiyaki and do other kinds of food. She's a great at general cooking."

"Yeah, I already know that," Onna-Ranma said as he rolled his eyes toward the heavens. He was remembering the time that Ukyou moved into Tendou-ke.

"We usually have a western style breakfast and that evening we'll have a traditional Japanese evening meal-provided that she has the energy. A lot of times we simply consume what's left over from the day's cooking."

Onna-Ranma nodded his head. "I figgered as much. Is the okonomiyaki getting old, yet?"

Onna-Konatsu rolled his eyes. "It's the routine that starting to wear on me. I'm dying to get away from the Ucchan and use my training."

"There but for the grace of heaven am I."

"Personally, I think it was but for the grace of a mallet."

"That too!" Onna-Ranma grinned. "Are you up for a job as yojimbo?

"It all depends on whom we will be guarding and what for."

"Not what from?"

"I'll guard my client from anything that comes along. That's what a yojimbo gets paid to do, right? I am more interested in knowing that my death will not occur in the service of an evil person, than I am in the sort of threat that might be encountered."

"I don't know, Konatsu-kun," Onna-Ranma said as he scratched the back of his neck. "We don't always get a choice in who we get hired to protect."

"For instance?"

"For instance, we do often get a crime boss who has turned state's evidence and needs to be guarded."

"In such a case, I would not be serving evil directly, but the overall good."

"You might want ta look at it that way, but the one guy I got was a nasty piece of work, let me tell you!"

"What's another example?"

"I got this lady who was tryin' to get away from her government."

"What sort of government? A dictatorship?"

"The Federal Government of the United States."

"The United..."

Onna-Ranma put a rueful look on his face as he nodded his head. "She claimed that her government was crumbling from the inside."

"Is it? Did it? Where is this woman?"

Onna-Ranma shook his head. "I don't know that answers to any of those questions. I hung around with her for a few days until the Keisatsu-chou sent someone to take over my watch. That was the last I saw of her."

"Do you have any idea how scary that is?"

"No, but I do know how scary Saffron was. I also had a run in with a guy named Haabu. He was as about as scary as I ever want to meet. He was even more scary than Saffron because he could actually fight and he had unbelievable control over his ki."

"So, you don't remember that it was the United States that dropped atomic bombs on Japan."

"Yeah, yeah! I've heard about it more times than I can say, but you know what? I've been to Hiroshima and Nagasaki both. Were it not for the memorials there, you wouldn't be able to tell what happened to 'em durin' the war. Besides, more people died in Tokyo during the fire bombings! The Americans used ordinary fire bombs for those raids."

"The bombs the United States has in its inventory now makes the original atomic bombs look like wet firecrackers."

"So you're scared that they are gonna come over here and nuke us, right?"

This seemed to have brought Onna-Konatsu up short. "I wasn't saying that."

"Well, what are you sayin' then? D'ya think that the Beijin are gonna run amok and nuke everbody?"

Onna-Konatsu's head started shaking and then the shake proceeded downwards to her feet-it was rather like ringing a tubular bell.

"What if that woman was telling the truth? The United States is big enough to do anything it damned well pleases. What does that say about the rest of the world?"

"It says that we will hafta do whatever the United States government wants us to do in order to survive. Don't getcher ass up on yer shoulder, Konatsu-kun. The one American I met had his brains in the right place."

"You've met a Beijin?"

"He was a client. He attacked the very first yojimbo that the government assigned to him and defeated the guy on the first try. Then he insisted that they find him another yojimbo."

"So they sent you?"

"Actually, they called Nabiki and she sent me. Just as I reached the hotel where the client was staying I got splashed with cold water and I didn't really have enough time to change back into my natural form."

"Lemme guess, He took one look at you and attacked."

"More or less. After the third time of me throwin' him on his ass he got the message and decided that I'd do."

"That does not mean that their governors are sane."

"So, what about ours? Do you consider them to be sane?"

Onna-Konatsu thought for a moment. "No, I don't believe that they are. Certainly not governor Ishihara."

"Then its a mutual condition, isn't it?"

Onna-Konatsu puzzled over this for a moment. "So if all governments are about like ours and the Americans' then..."

"Then government is just another obstacle we hafta overcome ta survive, ain't it? Governments are not something to be all patriotic about. The guys running around in the black vans and talking up their politics on loud speakers are full of shit."

"So you don't believe in any ideals then."

"Nothing could be further from the truth, Konatsu-kun!" Onna-Ranma said in a deeply exasperated voice. "It's just that my personal ideals don't survive all that well when I start tryin' to extend them to the public at large."

"What do you mean?"

"Take our devotion to the martial arts. Most people think of us as fanatics, don't they?"

"To get where we are requires intense devotion. Ukyou-sama can only cook as well as she does because she is desirous of improving her prowess with each and every passing day, but yes, most people do consider us fanatics. What of it?"

"So, by logic then, the better you are at what you do for a living, the more likely it is that an average person will accuse you of fanaticism. Let's take another virtue then-say courage. Would you call me brave or foolish?"

"I suspect that most people would consider you a foolish boy, but I know better."

"What's the difference between courage and foolishness?"

"It's very small."

"So the majority of people would consider us, I mean you and me, foolish, right?"

"I think I see what you're driving at, Saotome-kun."

"Most people don't have the drive, or the devotion or the simple courage to do anything beyond what they need to do to get by in life. The few that are not satisfied with what they have are 'fanatics' or their 'driven by a demon' or some other such damned fool thing."

Onna-Kenzan did his best not to laugh but failed.

"What's so funny?" Onna-Ranma demanded to know.

"The next time I visit, we'll talk about etiquette and how to be stealthy in plain sight without special disguises, okay?" Onna-Konatsu stood up and stretched. "I'll bring the tea."

Onna-Ranma got a look of shame on his face. "I'm sorry, Konatsu-kun. I didn't mean to get off onto philosophical subjects."

"Don't apologize, Ranma-kun. I'm glad you did it. Now I know that there is far more to you than your previous behavior suggested."

"Itza recent development, you know."

"What is?"

"My philosophy."

"Well, don't sweat it, Saotome-kun. Everyone has a philosophy whether they know it or not. Your's is not all that bad."

"So, you're plannin' to help me out with my manners?"

"Yes, and hiding in plain sight without using ki draining techniques like the Umisenken. You want to come close the door behind me?"

Onna-Ranma got up and walked around the low table. "Good night, Konatsu-kun."

"Good night, Ranma-kun." Konatsu pushed the heavy door open and stepped out into the rainy dark. "See ya later."


	7. Chapter 7

**Return to Normalcy: Chapter 7**

"You do realize that we are a family business, right? We don't have the resources for that big of a job," Nabiki said into the phone. She rolled her eyes and nodded her head in response to the tirade the person on the other end launched back at her over the telephone wire.

"Listen to what I am saying!" Nabiki's tone was cold and precise. "You are trying to hand us a job that will require the manpower of the entire JMSDF! There is no way that we can do that, let alone do it quietly!" She blew out her breath in exasperation.

"Okay, so call them. That would be best for everyone concerned. We simply are not able to tackle something of that magnitude!" Nabiki tossed her head back until she could see the ceiling of her room. She rubbed her forehead with the thumb and forefinger of her left hand. "Yes! That we can do that and will do it. Where do I send my agents? Fine. I'll tell them. Will you be sending the details or do I need to arrange for pick up? Yes, I can have them picked up. Where do I do that? Got it. Yes, thank you. Goodbye."

Nabiki hung up the phone with an exasperated growl, only to see that Onna-Ranma was standing in the doorway to the tatami room.

"Hey, Ranma. How're ya doin'?"

"I'm good. Where's Akane?" Onna-Ranma's voice was high but raspy.

"Juku."

"Oh, I should have known. I'll be seein' ya then," Onna-Ranma said, turning to go back out the front door.

"Hang on a minute, Ranma. We've got some business to talk about."

"In this weather?"

"Sorry, Hon, business doesn't wait on weather. It runs all the time, full time, fair weather or foul."

"Hmph!" Onna-Ranma snorted. "You should change your name to Adelei Niska, you know that, right?"

"You have the wrong girl, Ranma dearest," Nabiki said, drawing Onna-Ranma into a hug. "I'm not into inflicting pain on my concubine the way Akane does her fiancé." Nabiki shuddered and let go of Onna-Ranma as she stepped away from him. "You're soaking wet!"

Onna-Ranma gave her a cocky smirk. "That's whatcha git for rubbin' your stuff on your sister's fiancée, Nabiki."

Nabiki's eyes narrowed as she stared hard at Onna-Ranma. "So, you think what you have belongs to my sister, do you?"

"Who else would rightfully own it?" Onna-Ranma asked.

Nabiki could feel her curse. It was right on the edge of being invoked. She threw Onna-Ranma a towel. "There, dry your cute little ass and we'll see just what belongs to whom."

"To whom? Gettin' grammatically correct on me now, aintcha?"

"Oh, I'm about to do more than that! Like I said, we do have business to discuss."

Onna-Ranma continued to dry himself off as Nabiki left the room. She returned with some of his old clothing that still fit just as he was finished drying off.

"Here, wear this," Nabiki said with an evil smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "That way you can stay warm and focused."

Onna-Ranma hesitated for a second, then stripped off all of his wet clothing as though it did not matter one wit. He was completely oblivious to Nabiki's lust as he did so. Nabiki delighted in staring at both of Ranma's forms, but found his girl side attractive in the extreme.

 _I get to indulge in my perverted fantasies with a person who is actually a male, which saves me a lot of guilt for being perverted. Tonight I think we'll indulge ourselves in one of my favorite fantasies,_ Nabiki thought as she watched Onna-Ranma dry his more than ample bust. _Shit, I'm gonna love licking and sucking on those!_

"What were you arguing about with that guy over the phone, Nabiki?"

" _She_ is an insurance adjuster who wanted to hire us to deal with a pirate gang; they operate in and around the Inland Sea; you heard why I turned her down."

Onna-Ranma stared in shock. "Pirates? This is nearly the twenty-first century, but piracy is still a problem? I thought we hung all of 'em by the end of the 1800's!"

"This is modern piracy, Ranma. It's a form of organized crime, not some silly freebooter operating by his lonesome on an over-sized yacht. It's a big-big money deal nowadays. Sometimes the pirates and the Yakuza are one and the same. I don't like to take those kinds of risks."

Nabiki was gratified to see that her half of the fiancée deal was quick to sober up.

"So what did we get instead?"

"You'll love it. It's an asset recovery job right here in Tokyo. A guy bought an expensive exotic car. He did not want to pay for it, or worse, he can't pay for it, so he's trying to hide it so that the bank and its recovery team can't get their hands on it."

Onna-Ranma snorted. "The asshole could be hiding it anywhere. Just because he lives in Nerima, doesn't mean that he has it hidden here. What kind of car is it?"

"It's a 1985 Jiotta Caspita with silver paint. There were only two ever built This one has the flat twelve cylinder engine in it."

"It's an exotic car, right?"

Nabiki nodded her head. "Yeah, it's so fast that the cops can't catch it. It has gull wing doors, too." Nabiki felt her nipples harden.

Onna-Ranma failed to notice, but then he wasn't into cars and was blissfully unaware of Nabiki's deep and abiding interest in them. Nabiki, on the other hand, felt more than her nipples stiffen-something softened up at the same time-her breath quickened every time she thought about an exotic car. Sumo wrestlers had a somewhat stronger effect on her, but she did not like to tell anyone about that.

"He can't be driving that exotic junk around anywhere. Someone would have already found it by now."

"It is not junk, Ranma!"

"It's five years old, Nabiki!" Onna-Ranma all but shouted. "The guy has probably run the living shit out of it."

Nabiki blew out her cheeks with frustration, shivered and regained her grip. "It hasn't been spotted for almost a year now,". Nabiki said. Ranma's quick deductions pleased her, but she was determined to hide her assessment from him. _It'll never do to let him get the big head over something like this. He'd be twice as hard to manage as he is now._ "Here's where you can pick up the particulars on it."

Onna-Ranma accepted the sheet of paper that Nabiki handed him. He failed to notice the outright lust in her eyes. Nabiki, however, was afraid that she would burst into flame and burn the house down around them.

"Oh, yeah!" Onna-Ranma exclaimed. "I remember where this is. I'll go there in the morning and pick up the package."

"It's still raining out there now. Why don't you stay here tonight?"

"I really don't want to sleep in the guest room anymore, Nabiki. I've been disgusted with Shit-daddy and your old man since that nightmare they put me and Akane through."

"It will still be a part of this house after you and Akane marry, you know."

Onna-Ranma rolled his eyes and shivered. "Don't remind me."

"You could sleep in my room."

This startled Onna-Ranma out of his wits. His face turned red with alarm and embarrassment. "No way, Nabiki! No way!"

"Of course there's a way. Akane's going to spend the night with friends, and Kasumi is off playing nurse to a neighbor."

"You just gave me two very good reasons to get out of here."

"Oh, do go on, Ranma-kun!" Nabiki said with what she knew had to be a predatory grin. "You still don't trust me after all this time?"

"What part of no don't you unnerstand?"

"I understand what the word no, means, I really do. I also understand that Akane is worried about you."

"Why in the name of all that is righteous and fair is she worried about me? I know she saw what happened to Saffron."

"Your fighting ability isn't what worries her."

"So what's the deal, Nabiki? What is she worried about?"

"She's afraid your girl side won't get what it needs, and that will force you to turn to a guy, like Ryoga or somebody." _Maybe even Kuno_ , Nabiki thought. _Kuno has been hitting on Ranma's girl half for a long time now._

Onna-Ranma paled then began to turn pink. _No doubt he's remembering what happened with Ryoga and the koi rod and all the times he's used his girl half to get what he wants,_ Nabiki thought; then Ranma's face got so red that it frightened her. "What's wrong, Ranma?"

"I would never turn to Ryoga - Okay?"

"Ah..."

"Never! Ya got that?"

"Sure."

"Or...," Onna-Ranma was force to stop and swallow down his gore, "...or Kuno!"

"I get it, Ranma."

"If you're that horny, just say so. I'll take care of ya, okay?"

Nabiki felt a smirk creep across her face despite her attempts to smother it. "Please?"

"Okay." Onna-Ranma picked Nabiki up, threw her over his shoulder and then started marching up the stairs as though he were carrying a sack of rice.

 _His female shoulder isn't nearly so comfortable as his guy-type shoulder,_ Nabiki thought, _but at least I don't have to worry about Ranma in either form dropping me on the stairs._

Nabiki giggled as she patted Onna-Ranma's cute little heart shaped fanny. He wriggled it.

"Patience, Nabiki! Patience!" Onna-Ranma exclaimed in his girlish voice. Nabiki gave out a delighted laugh.

* * *

Shortly after botanists studied the plant, the female of the species was declared to be _Scaevola rubra_. After a few decades, the botanists finally got it through their heads that every last plant of it was female. It took them a long time to realized that the species they had identified as _Scaevola caeruleum_ was, in fact, the male plant of _Scaevola rubra_. They looked nothing alike. One, the female, was fire engine red the other was a deep sapphire blue with long yellow pollen laden stamens sticking out of the exceedingly odd shape of the flower.

Unlike most other flowers, this muddled species of plant did not rely on tempting insects with the sugary odor of nectar. Instead, it emitted a powerful pheromone that attracted a rare insect. In addition to the rare insects, these pheromones had a pronounced, but little noticed effect on humans. There were slight differences in the pheromones emitted by the plants. One of them, the male plant, excited women. The other, which was female, excited men. These effects went unnoticed for several centuries until the locals discovered what the plants did to young adults, and started planting them near the houses of newlyweds.

It took a long time to understand what was going on because the effects were so subtly delivered. It was not as though the flowers emitted an overpowering scent because they did not, but what one could see over the course of a few years was that households that had these shrubs planted around them tended to have larger and faster growing families. Add all these traits to the plant's camellia-like habit of flowering in the late fall through winter when people liked to enjoy a good snuggle anyway, and its effects were very difficult to notice - if you did not do some arithmetic and know the couples involved.

However, even married couples on the outs tended to have pregnancies where these plants grew. Just to make the matter of detection even more difficult, the plants bloomed intermittently. They would bloom three years in a row, then skip two subsequent years, and then bloom again for three years running. It made the effects the plant had on humans an easily kept secret.

In China, where the plant was indigenous, this discovery was declared a matter of national security; the Chinese were desperate to reduce the number of births per year inside its borders. The government never mentioned to anyone the curious fact that the species had two different names. However, the Chinese government was never able to convince the citizens of Yakusai village to stop growing the shrubs. For one thing, the plants brought high prices from the neighboring Joketsuzoku, as well as the even more distant Musk Dynasty. Both of those tribes had decided to increase their numbers by any means: fair, foul, legal or illegal. Their elders simply did not care what the Chinese government wanted. The Amazon and Musk Warriors wanted to make their tribes larger, and that was that. Fortunately, the plant did well in obscure places, and it could be planted in deep shade where it was seldom noticed until after it was entirely too late.

Happosai danced among his newly potted young shrubbery. All of the plants would bloom for the first time this year, some of them were already blooming, making ancient old man feel wonderful. _Why, I haven't felt this good since I was in my twenties,_ Happosai thought. _And I didn't know what to do about it back then._

Happosai could neither see nor even feel what was happening to him. The plants were slowly but surely absorbing his sexually activated ki, depriving him of the energy he had so avidly sought for centuries. His long life would be ended by these plants, but he did not - could not - know it. The effects they had on his life energy were entirely too subtle for him to notice. As the plants sipped at the ancient old pervert's energy, they grew a tiny bit faster and became a tiny bit more healthy, even as he lost tiny bits of energy and became a wee bit less healthy.

Happosai would not notice this for a year, but by then it would be too late for him. The first sign of the plants' effects on him was the slight decline in his desire. A tiny reluctance to seek out and steal the ki from a young human female. This was a small, almost unnoticeable surrender to all the years that Happosai had spent living as an unrepentant pervert. He had stopped noting his annual birthdays after his first century. Now, he only counted the decades. He was three centuries and one decade old this year. This, would be his last decade, but he would not know that for some months hence.

He was too keen on watching as his "Forges Street Irregulars" took care of his shrubbery to think about the not-so-distant future. They were still transplanting the many plants he had purchased to the large pots he had stolen. He had also stolen the potting soil they were using to fill the pots, but that mattered little. Happosai never, but never paid for anything unless it was absolutely necessary. The boys, along with a surprising number of little girls, were happy being paid to do the work.

Times were simply that tough in Japan nowadays. Many of the larger firms had put on a briefcase parade, laying off the men that they had hired well prior to their retirement age. Money was scarce. Happosai took full advantage of the hard times without a twinge to his conscience. He had seen even harder times and considered the current bout of economic illness a minor adjustment which, from a deep historical perspective, it was. The same could be said for all the other nations now traveling down the same economic road as Japan.

Of course, just because he was underpaying them did mean that he had to be cruel, as well. He went well out of his way to be nice to the preteens working for him. His behavior made them eager to do anything to please him, and Happosai liked it that way.

Happosai looked at the plants and thought about Ranma. The visions that flashed in his mind made him shiver with glee.

"Soon, Ranma my boy! Soon! I'll have you doin' all sorts of perverted things. You'll be dancing to my tune whether you want to or not!" Happosai gave out one of his trademarked evil cackles. "Just you wait you, snot-nosed pup! You'll soon see who's the real master."

* * *

Onna-Ranma woke up in Nabiki's room and panicked.

 _Oh, shit what am I doin' here? He thought. Oh, shit! I'm gonna die! I just know I'm gonna die!_ Then he realized that he was lying in Nabiki's bed - with Nabiki lying in it, as well. She was spooned up to his female form's back. He could feel her warm soft breasts pressed up against his skin, and Nabiki's hand was in a very provocative place.

His desperate urge to run died as swiftly as it had begun when he remembered what had gone on between them during the night. He shivered with pleasure as he thought about how Nabiki had shoved her clenched hand inside him over and over and over until he wailed at the ecstasy of it all. He had originally thought he was going to serve as a mere bed warmer, but he quickly understood that Nabiki was not willing to settle for mere cuddling, or even a bout of heavy petting. She wanted satisfaction. She wanted the kind of satisfaction that only comes from two people gratifying each other's sexual needs. They had accomplished what she wanted in spades.

 _What am I gonna do now?_ Onna-Ranma almost moaned aloud as the eternally present question played through his fuzzy little brain. _Now I got yet another fiancée after me and nowhere to put her. She ain't gonna be put off like Shampoo or Kodachi, either. We live in the same house. What was going through Akane's head? Why did she give my girl side to Nabiki? Does she know how it feels to have someone's fist and forearm pumping away at your insides? That was simply fantastic! How is my guy side gonna please her if she's had that done to her? It's hopeless!_

Onna-Ranma's low-low blood sugar alarm tripped and made his stomach grumble faintly. _Drat! It's time to eat, and Kasumi's not here, so there isn't anyone to do anything in the kitchen._

"Nabiki?" Onna-Ranma said in a soft voice. "It's time for me to get up."

"It's too cold, Ranma."

Ranma could see the condensation from his own breath and shuddered.

"So? Did the cold ever stop Kasumi?"

"No, but then she's been a housekeeping fanatic since she was ten."

"Well, I'm hungry," Onna-Ranma said. "I gotta get up and cook. You want me to cook?"

Nabiki gave Onna-Ranma's left breast a gentle squeeze. "What are you hungry for, Ranma?"

"More of that would be nice," Onna-Ranma tried but failed to suppress a knowing grin, "but right now I need to get some hot food in my belly."

"Mmm, food!" Nabiki exclaimed as her belly rumbled against Onna-Ranma's back. "Or more sex?" She gave his left breast another gentle squeeze.

Onna-Ranma felt his nipples stiffen even as his belly rumbled. He reached back with his left hand and fondled the soft spot between Nabiki's legs.

"Ack! Toilet first!"

Nabiki moved so fast that Onna-Ranma was barely able to track her as she leaped out of bed and ran for the bathroom. He cackled into the air stirred in her fragrant wake and got up.

"Dammit! Floor's colder'n hell!"

He sat on the side of the bed and pulled a fresh pair of tabi onto his feet. Then he found and donned several thin layers of clothing before he finally put on a pair of house slippers and going downstairs. He met a completely unabashed and scantily clad Nabiki on the stairs.

"I'll be right down to help, Ranma," she said as she pecked Onna-Ranma on the cheek.

"Okay."

Onna-Ranma made a stop at the toilet to relieve himself and wash his hands before going into Kasumi's sacred space. He entered it as reverently as any well-trained martial artist would enter a strange dojo. This was no ordinary kuriya. It had been cared for and trained by Tendou Kasumi, the best home cook either half of Ranma had ever met. He was determined to treat it with the respect it deserved. He stopped just inside the door and bowed at the waist, giving the sacred space the full measure of respect it deserved.

"Oos!" Onna-Ranma intoned. "Ohayou, kuriya-dono. Please do well for me; I promise to do well for you."

"Gee, Ranma. How come you're not that polite to people?"

"This," Onna-Ranma replied without rancor, "is a sacred space, Nabiki-chan."

Nabiki laughed out loud. "I suppose it is for you. Most of your food came out this place for the last three years, didn't it?"

Onna-Ranma silently nodded his head.

"And you and your father were both starving when you got here."

"Yes, we were," Onna-Ranma in a quavering voice. "This room and Kasumi were very patient with me and Shit-daddy, Nabiki-chan. It is due some respect."

"Okay, are you done with paying your respects to the kitchen?" Nabiki said. She used that Japanglish word for kitchen instead of using one of the many Japanese words for a room in which cooking takes place.

"Hai."

"Then by all means, let's get started," Nabiki said with a merry twinkle in her eye. "I'm starving."

Onna-Ranma cooked eggs over easy with pork cutlets while Nabiki busied herself with coffee and miso. Onna-Ranma accepted the cup of coffee that Nabiki offered him. He sipped and was pleased with how it tasted.

"You've been holding out me, Nabiki-chan."

"Oh, don't go there, Ranma. It's just coffee; the miso is from a packet of instant soup. Kasumi keeps it on hand for days when she can't be here to cook breakfast."

"Instant coffee?"

"No, silly," Nabiki said in an exasperated voice. "The taste of coffee is too important for it to be made from a powder. I brewed it from freshly ground beans. Were you asleep in there or something?"

"I was preoccupied with what I was cooking," Onna-Ranma said as he blushed prettily. "I hafta concentrate when I cook."

"Yes, I did notice that," Nabiki said. "You should practice cooking as much as you do The Art."

"Then how would I practice The Art?" Onna-Ranma asked in an annoyed voice. "There ain't enough time for two highly demanding skills in my life."

"Oh, really?" Nabiki asked in her usual Smart Aleck tone. She sat down at the dining table in the tatami room as she spoke. "Seems to me you have several things going on at the same time in your life already, Ranma-kun."

Onna-Ranma sat down on the far side of the table from Nabiki and gratefully slid his legs beneath the table. The kotatsu had been on long enough to warm the volume of air beneath the table. It would be positively toasty in another minute or so. Nabiki grinned evilly and Onna-Ranma felt her toe probing his crotch.

"Yah! Stop it, Nabiki."

Nabiki said nothing; she merely gave Onna-Ranma a heartfelt pout.

"I'm wide awake and well past being lascivious for the day."

"Las...Well how about you, Ranma! You _do_ have a vocabulary."

"Shh! I need people to believe that I am as stupid as I look."

"You never had me fooled, Ranma."

"Oh, really? Was that why you palmed me off on poor Akane?"

"No, it was your Shit-daddy that made me do that."

Onna-Ranma choked on his eggs from trying to swallow while laughing.

"You want me to pat you on the back?"

Onna-Ranma shook his head. "Nah, I got it. I shoulda realized that it had something ta do with the Old Man. They say that the main drawback to being a bride in Japan is that she acquires a mother-in-law along with a husband."

"In your case, it was both a mother-in-law _and_ a father-in-law."

Onna-Ranma's face sagged for a moment. He really had a soft spot for his mother, Nodoka, but then he had to admit that she was at least as crazy and vicious as his father was. "I suppose I can understand that, but why would you want your little sister to suffer with us?"

"You, who have suffered the Wrath of Akane repeatedly, are dense enough to ask me that question?"

"Akane's...well...she's..."

Nabiki had cocked an eyebrow at Onna-Ranma.

"...Different, that's all."

"She's different, all right. She can be all honey and cream for days on end, and then without any warning at all, she becomes a vituperative hurricane of wrath, fists and flying feet."

"But when she smiles the sun comes out and..."

Nabiki made face. "Yeah, there is that. She has an incredible smile. She looks so innocent that you feel bad about being angry with her."

"The three of you were in an awful trap, Nabiki."

Nabiki shrugged her shoulders. "We are still in a trap. The only difference is that you have been pulled in with us. Are you going after that paperwork?"

"Yes, I am, but I'd like to bring Kenzan-san in on this one if you don't have any objections."

Nabiki looked surprised. "I did not realize that she - I mean he - could be useful."

"You did hear that he has a Jusenkyou curse now, right?"

"Yes, I heard. What does he look like after he gets hit with cold water?"

"He looks so much like my girl side that we could easily be confused for each other."

"Wiry as hell, I'll bet."

"He's that way in his true form. You don't lose any strength when your cursed."

"Tell the other guys about that," Nabiki said. "That screaming queen of a salesman at the depaato said I should take up weight lifting just to be safe."

"Well, he was right about that," Onna-Ranma said, "you didn't have that much upper body strength to begin with."

"Akane did though. What was it you picked on her about? 'You got arms like a gorilla but only half the fleas!' Right?"

Onna-Ranma stifled a giggle. It was his line, but it sounded much funnier coming out of Nabiki's mouth. "I was lying about the fleas, of course."

"We are going to be late," Nabiki said. "Ikimashou!"

"I'll see ya late this afternoon or evening, Nabiki-chan."

"Take care, Ranma-kun."

* * *

Otoko-Akane gritted her teeth with exasperation before making yet another attempt to explain.

"It is the same sort of curse that Ranma has. It is from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man at Jusenkyou."

The school nurse gave Otoko-Akane a baleful stare. "You're certain that your condition is not contagious."

"Yes, I am certain." Akane paused to grit her teeth yet again. "It's a magical curse, not a disease."

"Then how do you explain what has happened to other students at this school?"

"The curse is carried by water. Water can be carried in a bucket or a cask. Someone brought the cursed waters here from Jusenkyou, and then threw it on all of us for reasons unknown."

"Who did this? Why did he do it?" The nurse demanded to know.

"I don't know who did it and I don't know why he did it. All I can tell you is that some evil mean and nasty person went well out of his way to do these horrible things."

"You're sure that it isn't some kind of communicable disease?"

Otoko-Akane did her best to make her voice sound reassuring, but it came off as being angry, which did nothing to calm the nervous woman.

"Yes, I am absolutely certain that it is a curse and not a disease. There is a spring at that awful place that will make anyone who falls into it a clone of me - my normal self, I mean."

This news freaked the nurse right out. Otoko-Akane winced. Now I'll have to start over with this dense bitch, she thought. Fat chance of me getting it all straightened out before class is over. Dammit! I don't need this shit.

"You do know that Principle Kuno's son, Tatewaki, turns into a girl now, right?"

"Yes, I was aware of that."

"And that his sister turns into a young man whenever she is exposed to cold water."

"I heard that as well."

"You claim that these curses come from the same place, a martial arts training ground in China."

"I never said that it was specifically for training in the martial arts. I just said that it is a training ground."

"How can different curses come from the same place? And why a training ground? What sort of training do they do there?"

"Because there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of springs there. Not all of them are the same. Some of them are springs where animals drowned. Shampoo, the waitress who works at the Nekohanten fell into the Spring-of-Drowned-Cat. Now she turns into a pink and purple Siamese cat when she is exposed to cold water. No one with any sense trains there anymore. The place is avoided just like all other curses are."

"A pink and purple Siamese cat?"

"Yes. Shampoo has dark purple hair. I guess the curse works in weird and wonderful ways."

"There are other springs as well?"

"Yes, there is a Spring-of-Drowned-Yeti-riding-a-Bull-while-carrying -an-Eel. That one turns its victims into a giant and ill tempered monster."

"You know what I think?"

"You think that I am lying to you."

"I do indeed."

"I'm not surprised. I wouldn't believe me either, if I were you. Can I have a waiver for being out of uniform now, please? I'm very late for class."

"But I don't know that you are who you say you are, yet."

Otoko-Akane heaved a sigh as she pulled a thermos out of her pack. "I'll show you one more time because this is all the hot water that I have on me." She emptied the thermos on her head and went from being young version of her paternal uncle to being Tendou Akane.

Akane had to adjust her clothing for the sake of modesty, further outraging and confusing the stubborn nurse. The nurse shook her head, then visibly shivered from the soles of her feet to the top of her scalp and then stamped her foot.

"This simply cannot happen!" The nurse cried out in a defiant voice.

"Well, it's been happening at this school every day since Saotome Ranma started attending class here years ago. Surely you have heard about him, even if you never saw him change."

"But - but - he's that _weird_ cross-dressing boy!"

"Ranma is _not_ a cross-dresser. He actually turns into a girl. His body develops breasts and a vagina. He even has periods sometimes. The change is fully functional and complete. It is not an illusion or a bad habit."

"I can see why you would want to make that claim, given that you are betrothed to him."

"Shit! How fucking dense can anyone be? I have changed forms in front of you three times now, and you still will not believe it. Shall I show you my pecker? Do you want to see my twat? Here..." Akane pulled up the tail of her shirt and dropped her pants. "...get a good look why don't you? I really am a girl now. Ranma does the same thing whenever he gets splashed with cold water."

"But you just poured hot water on yourself!"

"Don't make me slap you!" Akane shouted as she bent over to pull her pants back up. "I said he fell into the Spring-of-Drowned-Girl. I was splashed with water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man!"

"So they're different curses?"

"Yes!"

"From the same place?"

"The same area, yes."

"Is the whole place cursed?"

"As far as I am concerned, the whole of China is cursed!"

"That can't be true! The whole of China?"

"Will you please focus on what I am saying? Feel my breasts! Go ahead, touch them."

"I'm not a pervert."

"You're a nurse. You have done this before, I'm certain. You were the one that taught us how to check our breasts for tumors."

There was a knock on the door. The nurse, greatly relieved for the distraction, opened it.

"I need a waiver for...Oh, hello, Akane," Kuonji Ukyou in her masculine form said in a gently rumbling voice. "I heard you got splashed with water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man and all. How are you handling it?"

"At the moment, things are not going so well."

"Oh, you mean you have run up against the Kuno Effect, right?"

"I hadn't thought to call it that, but it is a good name for what is going on."

"Wait, you're that other cross-dresser!" The nurse shouted. "No way am I going to give you a permission slip that lets you wear something other than a proper uniform. You can just wear a boy's uniform for all I care."

"Well, as you can easily see, I'm entirely too big for a boy's uniform thanks to my curse," Otoko-Ukyou said in a deep rumbling voice. "That's not an option until I can have uniforms made."

The nurse began to tremble as another knock at the door came. The nurse struggled visibly to regain her voice. "Come in!" She squeaked out. It was Otoko-Nabiki.

"I need to get a..."

"No! Not just no, but hell no! What part of that do you people not understand? There is no such thing as a curse triggered by cold water! You have some kind of disease, I tell you. Magic is _not_ your problem."

Akane's nails started biting into her palms which was very hard on her nails because Ranma had forced her to toughen up her hands so much that her palms were little different from the soles of her shoes. The soles of her bare feet were considerably tougher than those of her best pair of dress shoes. She was gritting her teeth in preparation to make another verbal stab at the nurse when Otoko-Nabiki caught her eye by shaking her head.

"I take it you've been here for a while?" Nabiki asked Akane.

"She was here when I came in," Otoko-Ukyou interjected with a widening grin. "Just look at her! Her blood pressure is way outta control!"

Otoko-Nabiki gave the nurse a hard stare as she unzipped her pants and pulled her surprisingly long penis out so that it could be plainly seen. It was semi-tumescent. The nurse's eyes widened with shock as Nabiki got out her thermos and upended over her head. The hot water instantly changed her sex and her appearance. Her features became the same old female Nabiki as her penis and scrotum disappeared into a pair labia covered with straight black pubic hair.

"You should be ashamed of picking on my little sister, Fuchyou-san!" Nabiki said as she started putting her clothing back together. "All three of us have shown you the truth more than once, and I know for a fact that you have seen what happens to Saotome-san. So, don't give me any shit about this! Give us our waivers or I'll..."

The effect all this had on the nurse was dramatic. She paled and her eyes began pleading Nabiki for mercy. Nabiki kept staring at the benighted nurse until she started making warding gestures with both hands.

"Well?" Nabiki asked.

"Wait right here," the nurse said in a suddenly timid voice. "I'll be right back with your paperwork. Do you know of anyone else who might be needing it?"

"Kuno Tatewaki," Akane and Ukyou chorused.

The nurse gave out a nervous giggle. "He doesn't come to me for that sort of thing."

"Figures!" Akane and Otoko-Ukyou chorused. Nabiki merely nodded her head; she did not look as though the revelation had surprised her at all.

"Why doesn't his Blue Mightiness come down here for excuses like everyone else?" Akane asked.

Otoko-Ukyou and Nabiki rolled their eyes in unison.

"Because he's Principal Kuno's son, silly!" Otoko-Ukyou rumbled.

"Yeah, Sis. Wake up and smell the coffee why don't you?" Nabiki asked.

Akane looked embarrassed. "I just thought he had to at least put on a show of sticking the rules is all."

Nabiki heaved a heavy sigh. "He's been here long enough that everyone knows that he is an exception to all the rules we have to follow-or pretend to follow."

Ukyou laughed out loud.

Nabiki looked Otoko-Ukyou in the face. "Nice five o'clock shadow there, Ukyou."

Otoko-Ukyou rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Thanks? All this curse business is giving me hell. How has it been for the two of you?"

"Pure hell!" Akane all but screamed. "I haven't seen Ranma since this happened to me."

"Me either. I sent Konatsu over to see him and tell him though."

"Has he seen you, Nabiki?" Akane asked.

"In my cursed form?" Nabiki asked, looking surprised for a moment, then added. "Yes, he has."

"What did he say?" Akane asked.

"That I need to start working on my upper body strength," Nabiki said. "Would you like some hot water, Ukyou?"

"No, thanks," Otoko-Ukyou said. "I have already torn up enough clothes for the day. Besides, every time I turn into this, I lose my clogs. It's a pain in the ass!"

 _Ukyou's working class Kansai patois doesn't sound so funny coming out of her guy side's mouth,_ Akane thought. _It seems perfectly natural when she's in her guy form._

"Too bad this didn't happen to Shampoo!" Akane said with true malice in her voice. She hated Shampoo with a passion. _That purple headed bitch threatened to snap my head off if Ranma did not fuck her. What a slut! And there I was, completely defenseless, while Ranma was bound up with that sticky goo Saffron secreted. Neither one of us could do one damned thing to stop her until Ranma..._

The nurse bustled back into the room.

"I have your waivers right here," she announced. Akane glared at her without meaning to because she still reliving what had happened in China. The nurse visibly flinched at Akane's hard stare.

Nabiki elbowed Akane.

"Apologize, Sis."

"I'm sorry that I looked at you that way, Fuchyou-san. I was in the middle of reliving some very bad moments I previously had in China when you came in."

The nurse looked at Akane as though she were a rabid rattlesnake.

"I don't know what you mean," the nurse said with a sniff. "I did not notice you giving me any sort of look at all."

Nabiki elbowed Akane again, more gently this time.

"I apologize anyway," Akane said as she picked up her waiver. "You did not deserve such treatment."

The nurse simply pretended not to hear Akane. This angered Akane even more, but she managed to not let it show up in her face-although she should have realized that her normal looks frightened most of the people with whom she interacted nowadays. Akane was under a great deal of stress. It distorted her volatile disposition well outside its normal range. Her appearance was cold and menacing as a girl, and she looked positively ferocious in her cursed form.

As she stepped out into the hallway behind Ukyou and Nabiki, Akane tugged at the back of her older sister's blouse.

"Why did you make me apologize to that thick headed woman?" Akane asked when Nabiki looked over her shoulder.

"Because she's useful to us, Akane," Nabiki answered without so much as a blink. "Don't burn any bridges that you don't need to burn. You may well regret it when you need them in the future."

Akane thought this over as the three of them walked down the hall. _Well, shit! That's not a bad idea, but what use would I ever have for someone as dense as that bitch? I mean, it's not like she'll ever be willing to do anything for me, now is it? I suspect that she'd do real harm if she got the chance. She's one of those people ya just have to keep an eye on-Eh? Now what?_

Two boys from the senior class jumped out into the hallway with buckets of cold water, emptying them on Nabiki. Akane got caught in the crossfire and turned into her Uncle Iron-man form.

"We think you owe us, Tendo-san," one of the boys started saying. The other interrupted him. "Yeah, like where's all that money we paid you? You didn't have any right to charge us that much interest."

"Yeah! We want a refund or we're gonna..."

Otoko-Akane caught the boy on the side of his face with a perfectly timed right cross. Blood splattered on the left hand wall and some of his teeth bounced around on the hard floor. His teeth made clattering noises as they bounced and tumbled. The other boy simply vanished-much like a scalded cat.

"Geez, Akane!" Otoko-Ukyou exclaimed as she pointed around the hall. "You didn't hafta hit him that hard. You knocked most of his teeth out with that one punch. Just look at 'em!"

Otoko-Akane was so horrified that she could say nothing. _I didn't hit him that hard-did I?_

Otoko-Nabiki gave out a loud sigh as she gave Otoko-Akane a jaundiced stare. "Now you know why I insisted that you be nice to the nurse, Akane."

"Okay, but what do I do now?" Otoko-Akane asked. "She's still pissed at me."

Otoko-Ukyou was counting out loud. "Fourteen...fifteen... sixteen...seventeen...He's comin' to! Thank goodness he's alive."

Otoko-Akane was greatly relieved. The boy had been lying on the floor with the sort of terrible stillness that made her uncomfortable.

 _I did not realize how much power I have in in my guy form until now. What am I going to do? Will the police believe me? What if one of them is as dense as Furinkan's fuckin' nurse?_

Otoko-Nabiki dropped to one knee and gave the dazed boy a hard stare right into his eyes.

"See what happens when you surprise my bodyguards?"

"I'll sue your wriggly ass off - you bloodsucking bitch. Just you wait. You won't have a penny to your name once I'm done with your ass."

Otoko-Nabiki let out an exasperated growl. She turned her head toward Otoko-Akane and said, "Okay, Tetsuji. Take him off the school grounds and finish what you started here."

"Wait!" the boy wailed. "Finish? Finish what?"

"You, dummy. He's gonna finish off your ass because you were stupid enough to think that you could get away with assaulting me. Do you actually believe that I will let you sue my ass?" Nabiki's eyes were suddenly very wide with heartfelt fury. "I won't do any such thing. If I'm going to go to court, it won't be for some piddling civil suit. It will be for something truly serious - like murder."

The poor lout started making warding gestures. "I didn't mean it. I won't sue - I promise - just let me go."

"I don't know that I can trust your ass," Otoko-Nabiki said in a cold voice. "What can you do to reassure me?"

"I could give you money..."

Otoko-Nabiki sneered at him. "Money is what got us here in the first place. You don't like to play fair, remember? That's why you found yourself coming to me for a loan!"

"I'll do anything you say, Tendo-san. No matter what it is or who it is, I'll do it. Just don't kill me."

"Anything I say, huh?" Otoko-Nabiki asked. Her voice still had a doubtful sneer in it. The boy was nodding his head vigorously, which gave his wounded and swelling face a positively bizarre appearance. Akane found herself shuddering at the sight of him and his wounds.

"Pick up your teeth and get out of here," Otoko-Nabiki said. "Go see if a dentist can't put them back in. I hear that they can do that sort of thing nowadays."

The boy looked ready to kiss Nabiki's feet, but he scrambled around gather up his scattered teeth. Otoko-Ukyou picked one of them up and handed it to him. All Otoko-Akane could do was stand there and glower, like a fierce idol for Hachiman, the god of war. The more she saw of what she had done, the more she disliked it. _Is this what I am going to face every day from now on? Isn't there more to life than just fighting and hurting people? Where's all that joy in living that I have heard so much about? I can't see it anymore. All I can see is this freaking nightmare!_

Much to Otoko-Akane's relief, the boy found every last one of his teeth. Having found the last one, he slowly got to his feet and wavered.

 _He's shocky and in need of an ambulance, but we're at school. An ambulance picking him up here would get the news papers and television people involved,_ Akane thought.

Otoko-Nabiki showed the boy no mercy. She steadied him up with her right hand and slapped the right side of his face with her open left hand.

"Now, go home and call an ambulance to come and pick you up," Otoko-Nabiki said. Her voice had a definite growl in it. "Tell them that you wrecked a motorcycle or something."

The boy nodded his rapidly swelling head. By now it had turned dark purple and it was so swollen that he could barely see out of his left eye.

"Will do, Oyabun!" he said with a whistle. He could not help but whistle because of the newly acquired gaps in his teeth.

"Shall I get someone to walk you home?" Otoko-Nabiki asked.

"Please?" the boy begged. "I don't think that I can make it home on my own."

"I'll do it," Otoko-Ukyou said in an exasperated voice. "I didn't have high hopes for school today anyway. You and Akane go study as best you can."

"Thanks, Ukyou," Otoko-Nabiki said. "I owe you one."

"Don't think that I won't remind you of _that_ , Sugar," Otoko-Ukyou said with a rueful grin.

"I owe you as well, Ukyou," Otoko-Akane said. "Don't forget it."

"Nah, Akane. We're even as far as I'm concerned. I helped to ruin your wedding, remember?"

Otoko-Akane shuddered. "I wish you hadn't reminded me."

Otoko-Ukyou gave her a wan smile as she took the wounded boy by his arm and gathered him up into a fireman's carry. "Sorry 'bout that. See ya."

"I can see how being a guy is good at times," Otoko-Nabiki observed. "As strong as she normally is, Ukyou would never be able to carry a guy like that without it being a struggle. She's handling him as though he were a mere sack of potatoes."

"Yeah, right after I busted him up as though he were a mere practice dummy," Otoko-Akane said in a sad voice. "I gotta re-learn my control now that I turn into a really strong guy like Uncle Tetsuji."

"Don't worry about this asshole too much, Sis," Otoko-Nabiki said in a sardonic voice. "You don't know why he came to me for money and what he did with it. I deal with some very nasty characters around here."

"I should not have hit _anyone_ that hard."

"I think you should learn to trust your instincts, but talk to Ranma about it as soon as you can."

Otoko-Akane made a wry face. "Thanks, Nabiki. I'll do that right away. Is he going to be at the house tonight?"

Otoko-Nabiki grinned as she pulled her cell phone out and pushed a button and the phone made several quick beeps. She grinned into the device and said, "Tonight's the night, big boy. Be there or be square."

Otoko-Akane could not hear what was said on the other end of the call, but she could tell that it pleased Nabiki.

"Right! See you this evening, then."

Otoko-Nabiki looked Otoko-Akane in the eye. "Do me a favor, would you, Sis?"

"What's that, Nabiki?"

"Have your way with the guy tonight, and get that whole 'I'm still a virgin' thing out of the way, okay?"

She did it! Otoko-Akane thought. She seduced Ranma's girl half. She was suddenly aroused to a degree that she had never experienced before. "Which half of him should I ride, Nabiki?"

"Either or both. Makes no difference to me - just don't pick a fight with him, okay? I have a big job lined up for him and Konatsu-kun both. Neither one of them needs to be beat up and swollen going into it."

Otoko-Akane imagined Ranma looking like the boy she had just clobbered and shuddered. "Make love, not war, right?"

"That's the spirit! Make love to him! You've got more stress built up than you can handle right now anyway. A little sex will do you a world of good!"

"Does having sex really relieve tension like that?"

Otoko-Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Just don't let him stop until after you are satisfied, okay?"

This brought all of Otoko-Akane's mental processes to a complete halt, so she stopped walking along with her sister.

 _Don't let him stop until I'm satisfied? Can that be done? What if he burns out or I burn out or worse, I go dry? That'd be horrible wouldn't it? What if he can't get it up? What if I can't get it wet? What if..._

"Yo! Earth to Akane!" Otoko-Nabiki all but shouted. "First things first! You gotta get to class, remember?"

Otoko-Akane snapped back into the real world and winced. It was a painful experience for her.

"Oh, yeah! Classes. Right!"

"You're showing hard, you know," Otoko-Nabiki said as they continued down the hall.

"What? Aw, shit!" Otoko-Akane began struggling with her pants.

"Don't bother with that,"Otoko-Nabiki said. "I'm feeling a bit spiky myself. Let's just find some hot water."

As they walked into the girls room, Akane thought, _being a Jusenkyou guy isn't all that bad, really. You can get rid of an embarrassing erection with a little oyuu (hot water). I'll bet Ranma wishes he were a Jusenkyou guy rather than a Jusenkyou girl. He gets hard at the wrong time every time I see him._

* * *

"Have you seen the Master, Tendou-kun?" Genma asked in his rumbling voice. "He hasn't been around for a tanuki's age, now."

"No, and that is puzzling," Tendou said. "The Master normally stays at my house no matter what he has done. This time, though, it seems he'd rather not put his person at risk."

Genma grunted. "If my boy gets his hands on the old bastard he's dead meat."

"Who is dead meat, Husband?" Nodoka asked. "Happosai or Ranma?"

"Happosai!" Genma and Soun chorused.

"We hope..." Tendou added.

"Ranma is deeply annoyed at him," Genma said.

"Mm!" Tendou nodded his head vigorously. "He thinks that the master is plotting to get his girl half pregnant."

"While I cannot blame Ranma, at least that would give us a grandchild to cuddle!" Nodoka exclaimed. "How many girls has the old lecher doused with water from the Spring-of-Drowned-Man?"

Soun and Genma stared at Nodoka as though she had suddenly sprouted a spare head.

"I'm certain that he and I could learn to cope. He will become the most manly of men and the most feminine of women," Nodoka said with stars in her eyes. "Just think of it. I get a manly son and a womanly daughter by suffering through childbirth just once! What more could a mother ask?"

Soun felt his face tingle with embarrassment as his old friend Genma turned a lovely shade of puce. Genma looked as though he might explode - then he did explode.

"What the hells are you talking about, Nodoka!" Genma shouted. "First you threaten mine and his life over that manliness pledge you forced me to make before taking him off for yamagomori, and now you are looking forward to him having a child? You do realize what must happen to him before he gets pregnant, right? He hasta get impregnated by a man!"

Nodoka calmly looked Genma in the eye and said, "Oh, like I didn't? I had to let you wallow around on my belly before I could have him, did I not? Let's face it, Husband. His getting pregnant might well be the only thing that would free him from his curse. If he has an opportunity get pregnant by a man who is actually a woman, so much the better. Now, thanks to Happosai, he has more than one from which to choose - including two Tendou girls."

The color of Genma's face deepened to something between a dark puce and black. _Genma looks as though his face has been covered with one of Kodachi's leotards,_ Soun thought. _I hope he doesn't burst a blood vessel or something._

Genma ground his teeth together enough that Soun could hear them creak. Just as it seemed that Genma might well break a tooth or a blood vessel there came a pop accompanied by a bright blue flash and there was suddenly a panda where Genma had been. Soun gave out a sigh of relief. Genma began playing with the tire he kept in his private hammer-space.

Nodoka gave the rocking Panda-no-Genma a hard stare and wrinkled her nose.

"He always smells so funny when he does that. Have you ever noticed it, Tendou-san?"

Genma-no-panda held up a sign which read, **"I'm just a lovable panda who does** **not** **stink!"**

Soun quickly cleared his throat.

"I'm probably more accustomed to the odor than you are, Saotome-san."

Nodoka giggled, which struck Soun as being both unsettling and weird.

"I am certain that you are, Tendou-san. He and my son have stayed with you for how many years?"

"Going on three years now," Soun said. He shook his head. "We haven't had a single dull moment since he and Ranma arrived from China!"

"And don't I know it?" Nodoka asked. "I still remember the day when Ranma's affiances chased him by here and he threw Akane's pill-box to Panda-san over there. They managed to bring my entire house down in well under an hour - less than half - I should say."

Genma-no-panda winced visibly as he growled in protest.

"I would have given a 10,000 yen note to have seen Saotome-kun's face when caught that pill box," Soun said with a heartfelt grin. "I just imagine his face took on a look quite similar to my own."

"Yes, I suppose you have had more than your fair share of distress and destruction, haven't you?" Nodoka asked.

Soun was suddenly uncomfortable with the direction this polite _tête-à-tête_ was taking. He scratched the back of his head as he gave out a nervous laugh.

"Well-Yes, I suppose you could say that. Our repair bills have not been anything to sneeze at."

"But you never had the entirety of Tendou-ke demolished, have you?"

"Wha...? No! We haven't except for the times when Pansuto Taro showed up. Between him and the old Master, nearly everything was destroyed-but that wasn't the worst of it."

"Oh? What was the worst of it?"

"My neighbors griping about the noise and unsightly mess," Soun said. He shook his head. "Those times nearly cost me my seat on the City Council."

"Mmm, just imagine how bad things could get now, Tendou-san," Nodoka said with a sad smile playing across her face. "Two of your three daughter now turn into men at the mere touch of cold water - as does Kodachi, and Ukyou."

"What is so bad about that?" Soun asked. "I mean, sure, its not good that they have been cursed, but a Jusenkyou curse is not fatal."

"Not for its immediate victims, no," Nodoka said in a speculative tone, "but it has made your girls and their rivals into big strong men. What will happen when they show up in a mob at Tendou-ke?"

Soun's hair stood on end. "Ah..."

Nodoka smiled as she refilled Soun's teacup.

"Is that the _Yomiuri Shimbun_ you're reading?"

"Yes, it is," Soun said in a quivering voice, "I've read it daily for years now."

Nodoka smiled. "So like a man. The _Yomiuri_ is a very tough paper, isn't it?"

Soun was now completely baffled.

"I suppose you could say that - I like their no nonense editorials. They seldom publish one that I don't agree with."

"How very manly of you!" Nodoka said with a warm smile. Soun went well past being nervous and dove right into _Be Alarmed_ territory.

The telephone rang.

"Won't you please excuse me, Tendou-san?" Nodoka asked. "I must answer that. My husband is unable to speak Japanese when he is in his present state."

Soun did not know whether to be relieved or further alarmed. It all depends on who or what that call is from or about, he thought.

"Please do. No, I don't mind, why would I?" Nodoka said into the phone.

Nodoka returned after a very brief wait.

"It is Master Happosai for you, Tendo-san."

Soun winced involuntarily as he had for years when it came to anything doing with Happosai.

"I'd best go talk to him. Please, excuse me, Saotome-san."

Nodoka gave him a sweet smile and a silent nod as he got to his feet. He padded out into the hallway and picked up the telephone.

* * *

"Moshi-moshi?" Soun said into the handset.

"Soun! Go steal a truck. Take Genma with you and meet me at that vacant warehouse behind the Nekohanten."

"Shouldn't we just rent a truck, Master?"

Soun asked. He quailed at Happosai's furious response.

"Of course not! Why would I want to spend money on something I can steal for a day? It ain't like we're gonna keep the damned thing forever, ya know."

Soun sighed.

"How big of a truck, Master?"

"Oh, a kei-truck will do. Be sure its full of gas, though. We gotta bunch of things to shift around all over Nerima."

"Miyagi has one. It's an eighty-six model Daihatsu with four wheel drive. I'll take it and leave him a note."

"Whatever blows yer skirt up, Soun. How long will you be?"

"We'll be there just after dark," Soun said. "I want to wait until after Miyagi has opened his tavern."

"Perfect! We'll work all night and by sunrise, all of them will be exactly where I want 'em."

"Who will be where you want them?" Soun asked in a very nervous voice.

"Not, who, what. Never mind. You just show up at that warehouse with a truck and Genma. Oh, and tell Genma he needs to be in his human form. I need him to be at his most skillful tonight."

Soun sighed again.

"I'll tell him, Master."

"Good! See that he arrives here as a stupid human, not a idiotic clumsy panda. See ya!"

The telephone clicked. Soun shook his head as he hung up Saotome's telephone. Soun padded back into the tatami room of Satome-ke.

* * *

"That was the Master, Saotome-kun," Soun said with a long face. "He wants us to meet him at a warehouse near the Nekohanten."

Nodoka poured herself another cup of hot tea.

"Growf!" Genma-no-Panda held up a sign which read, "I'm just a coot widdle panda what can't do nuffin'!"

Nodoka threw her tea on the panda and suddenly Genma was busily tidying up his bedraggled gi. Soun gave Nodoka a grave nod of the head.

"The Master said to be sure that I brought you along in your stupid human form rather than your idiotic panda form."

Nodoka let out a poorly suppressed giggle. Genma threw an angry glare at his wife, then said, "Fine! Let's get going. This place isn't all that homey anymore anyway!"

As they walked outside, Soun heard Nodoka laughing as though she were listening to rakugo artist on the radio. After he thought about her behavior for a few steps, he realized that their lives were not that much different from the stories rakugo artists told on talk radio.

"We lead funny lives, Saotome-kun."

Genma grumbled and growled before saying anything that was actually intelligible.

"Don't I know it! You'd think that we're blundering around inside the pages of a manga or something."

"I was thinking more along the lines of rakugo."

Genma stopped walking and stared hard at Soun. After a moment of silence he said, "Yeah, well you would think something like that. You always did like to hear me read manga to you."

Soun chuckled at this and clapped his hand on his corpulent friend's shoulder.

"Indeed. We've been through thick and thin you and I. We'll do it again somehow."

"It looks as though it is about to get thick again, Tendou-kun," Genma said. "What did the Master want us to do?"

"He wants us to steal a kei-truck, for starters."

"A kei-truck, eh?" Genma's voice held a speculative note. "Miyagi."

"Yes, I was thinking the same thing.

"Miyagi always leaves the keys in the ignition," Genma said.

"Mmp! Smart man. That's how he avoids paying for having his steering column repaired everytime he turns around."

"We'd best hurry; it's getting dark and we don't want someone else stealing the damned thing before we can get to it."

"Indeed, Saotome-kun," Soun said. "Ikimashou."

* * *

Twenty minutes later they were in Miyagi's four wheel drive Daihatsu stakebed, headed for the warehouse behind the Nekohanten. They were shocked by what Happosai had been working on.

"You want us to distribute these plants?" Genma asked with an ominous growl at the back of his throat. "Why?"

"Just never you mind why!" Happosai responded. "Put 'em where I tell you to put 'em and you'll be a lot better off than you are now."

"Oh, really?" Soun asked in a skeptical voice. "How can we know that?"

"Have I ever led you boys astray?" Happosai asked.

Soun stared at Genma only to find that Genma was giving him an open-mouthed stare in return.

"More than once!" Soun and Genma chorused.

"Well-I suppose that I have, haven't I?" Happosai said with a modicum of chagrin in his voice as he rubbed his stubbly chin. He waived his hand in sudden irritation. "But never-mind all that nonsense. I'm not leading you astray this time. These plants will have a remarkable effect on your kids."

Soun bent over and sniffed at them dubiously. Genma did the same.

"How?" Soun asked.

"Yeah, how? I can't smell anything," Genma said in his best tumbling boulder voice.

"Because these plants produce human ferry moans, that's how!" Happosai answered in an aggravated voice. "Just load 'em onto the truck. You'll see what I'm talking about in thirty minutes or so."

Soun stared at Genma and Genma stared back at Soun.

"You boys would rather have the fleas of a thousand camels take up residence in your armpits than mess with me!" Happosai said in a dire voice as his aura flared up like a cloud of roiling flame.

Soun shuddered and winced.

"Anything is better than having our old Master angry, don't you think, Saotome-kun?"

Genma's knees were knocking together with audible thumps.

"Hai, Tendou-kun! Let's just load 'em up and move 'em out," Genma said.

With that they loaded the truck. It would not hold all the plants that Happosai had in the abandoned warehouse. He had a list of the places where he wanted them placed. The two younger men would have to make several trips to deliver them all.

Happosai's list of locations left a great deal to be desired, but then so would any list of locations in Tokyo. Buildings in Tokyo are registered in the order that they are constructed, not by location. This meant that Soun and Genma had to stare at the list and think about where one locations was in relation to the next and so work out an efficient order of delivery. They were all night at the delivery part of the task.

First was the Nekohanten because it was near the warehouse. It got four shrubs, two blue and two red, just across the street in planters that replaced older planters that had been there a long time, but had been empty for years.

Furinkan got several scattered around its fields. The Ucchan got two, Tendou-ke got two, Saotome-ke got three, two blue and one red, several other places that neither Soun nor Gemma could have anticipated. The new bathhouse preferred by Shampoo and Cologne got two more. They placed two plants near the older bathhouse that Ukyou preferred and then they placed two at a bathhouse that neither Soun nor Genma could remember ever being in Nerima. They placed two outside Nabiki's favorite coffee shop, and an even dozen of each color in front of a steakhouse.

 _A steakhouse? In Nerima?_ Soun asked himself. _I'll have to remember where this place is. I could do with the occasional heavy meal_.

They drove way out to the northwest quadrant of Nerima and there they planted two shrubs in someone's backyard near its back wall. They failed to notice Ranma's container on the other side of the wall.

They planted several around a very strange apartment building. It was a mixture of modern architecture a large doll house. It was painted a veritable riot of pinks, pastel blues with yellow polka dots randomly on its outer walls. Soun did not know that it was the place in which Ninomiya Hinako lived. He and Genma planted at least eight of the shrubs around that building. The sun came up as the planted their last shrub on the east side of that building.

"Whew! That's the last one, Saotome-kun."

"Mm-hungry," Genma said in his gravelly voice. His stomach rumbled.

Soun looked around.

"There's a good coffee shop near here," he said. "Shall we give it a try?"

Genma nodded his balding head.

They were walking side by side toward the kissaten when they saw a yatai serving breakfast foods. Being old-fashioned men, they were unable to resist the call of the traditional yatai. Yatai vary in grade and quality and the native Japanese can tell the difference between them at a glance.

This one was just right because it was aimed right at their wallets and personalities. Changing their plans on the spot, they made their way over the yatai and sat down. The owner of the yatai was happy to serve breakfast to two hard working men up and about so early in the morning.

"Damn, this miso is the best I've had in a long time, Saotome-kun."

Genma grinned at him.

"It's been a long time since you've been up so early doing physical labor, Tendou-kun."

"Yes, yes, I'm sure you're right..."

Soun froze up as she approached. Her scent made his loins tingle, and her appearance made him stiffen up and stand taller - in more ways than one. She was carrying a fishbowl in her left hand while she had huge handbag in the other. It was none other than Hinako Ninomiya. As was the usual among Japanese people, she spoke first because she was a woman.

"Ohayou, Tendo-san!"

Hinako was cheerful despite the nature of the fighting fish ki she was drawing from the fishbowl to stay in her luscious adult form.

"What brings you to this part of the Nerima?"

Soun had to clear his throat before answering.

"Ohayou, Ninomiya-sensei," he said in a curiously masculine voice. Soun was oozing male sexuality, which he found baffling. He did not know that the plants that he had been handling all night had given him a big dose of not just pheromones, but testosterone as well. He watched as the young woman breathed in deeply through her nose.

"We were over here doing some landscaping. The client wanted it done by dawn today so - here we are."

"But I thought you just taught the martial arts," Hinako said. She was blushing by now. She had long been sweet on Soun, but as Happosai had observed, Soun's loyalty to his dead wife and existing family had made him hesitant to cast about for another mate.

Genma laughed out loud in an embarrassed way. "We do most anything that comes to hand, Sensei - but the pay has to be right."

The embarrassed Soun had no choice but to agree with his old friend.

"That's true. We'll do most anything if the pay is right."

Hinako inhaled deeply through her nose again, making Soun nervous about the way he smelled. He needed a bath and knew it. She smiled at him making him even more nervous.

"That is so gallant, Tendou-san," Hinako said with overly obvious admiration in her voice. "Most men would be too proud to work at something other than their chosen trade."

This made Soun self-conscious. He ran his fingers through his hair as he gave out another nervous laugh.

"Well, you know..." Soun paused to clear his throat. "The name of our school is the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. That's what we mean by it. We'll do anything to survive."

"Anything?" Hinako asked.

"Well, we don't ever pick on anyone who's weak or poor if they are honest people. Otherwise, we do anything and everything that comes to hand."

The school teacher gave Soun one of her most potent Come Hither stares as she said, "Ooh, my! You really are as brave as Ranma-kun says you are."

Soun was suddenly baffled.

"He - Ranma - he said that I'm brave?"

"Oh, yes! He brags on how you put up with Happosai all the time," Hinako said. "That takes real courage."

Genma gave out an uncontrolled snicker. It sounded rather nasty, which embarrassed Soun. _I gotta think of something to say soon or she'll..._

Hinako grabbed Soun's hand bringing his train of thought to a screeching halt. Then Soun's brain seized up as though someone injected Loctite® into it.

"If you're finished with breakfast, why don't you come up and see my apartment. I've seen your house, after all."

"Ah! Well-Ah! Ha-ha, I don't suppose there'd be any harm in..." Soun found himself following Hinako's lead despite himself and his hangups.

 _Wait, what hangups?_ Soun asked himself. _I've honored my late wife for longer than I should have. It's past the time I sought a little female companionship. I'm long overdue._

Genma sat passively by and watched Ninomiya-sensei lead his old friend off to her apartment. He was quite pleased with the unexpected turn of events, until he realized that he would have to pay for both his and Soun's breakfast.

 _Oh, what the hell!_ Genma thought. _I'm getting everything of his besides his soup, so it's only fair that I should pay for both meals - but still. He usually buys mine_ _and_ _his. I could've just as easily found a way not to pay for ita at all were it not for him being with me. Oh, well, shit!_

"You win some and you lose some," Genma muttered in his gravelly voice.

"What was that, Honorable Customer?" the cook and owner of the yatai asked. "Did you say something?"

"No - ah - I didn't say anything." Genma gave the mark his best and very phony hearty laugh. He did not feel particularly hearty nor did he have that much sympathy for the owner-operator of the yatai. People like him were merely marks in Genma's book. They did not deserve anything in the way of polite treatment from him. _I can fake hale and hearty though, and that is what I'll do this time. You owe me one for this, Soun old buddy._

Genma did not feel all that good about Soun's unexpected fortune because he did not see Soun getting lucky as a stroke of fortune.

 _He's not paying her for anything so that means she's going to expect him to marry her, sooner or later - sooner if he gets her pregnant. A man's way better off paying a woman up front for what he needs. It limits the possibility of complications - like having to rear an unexpected child this late in life. Soun's what? Forty? That's way too late to have a new baby crawling around the house. Besides, what does he think he's going to do about the dojo and his house now that he's about to start a new family? Give it all up to Ranma and Akane? What about Kasumi and...Well, Nabiki is...well...knowledgeable enough to take care of herself. She's doing that and then some already. Kasumi though..._

* * *

Ranma arrived at Tendou-ke male despite the bad weather. He had taken advantage of the curse-control soap. As bad as it was for anyone's skin, it did an excellent job of stopping Jusenkyou curses for at least eighteen hours, up to twenty-four hours if you managed to avoid a large splash of water - which very few victims of Jusenkyou could ever do. He was very eager to arrive as a guy and leave as a guy because he wanted very much to deal with Akane as a man while she was a...well...a woman. She was old enough by now to be considered such, no matter what Japan's politicians thought.

Kasumi greeted him at the front door.

"Konbanwa, Ranma-kun," Kasumi said. She gave him a genuine smile.

Ranma could tell that Kasumi now held heartfelt respect for him. This made him feel good for reasons that he did not want to think about, but did.

 _I'm finally earning my keep. I am making a positive contribution to the family, and Kasumi appreciates it. No matter what else, I can at least feel good about that. Even if what I do nowadays leaves a bad taste in my mouth._

Akane and Nabiki both were in their female forms; they were dressed fit to kill, which surprised Ranma.

"Your suit's upstairs, Ranma," Nabiki said with a knowing grin. "Hurry every chance you get."

Akane for her part surprised him with a deep and passionate kiss.

"She's right, you know," Akane whispered in his ear. Her breath sent shivers up and down Ranma's spine. "Our steaks are going to get cold if we don't hurry."

"I didn't realize that we were going out..."

"Surprise!" Kasumi chimed in. "We're making a party of it."

"Why?" Ranma asked in a bewildered voice. "Akane and Nabikis still have their..."

"The end of finals," Nabiki said. "Don't worry about it. We're both going to get scores in the high nineties."

"How d'ya know that, Nabiki-chan?" Ranma asked. "Know something that I don't know?"

"Obviously, Ranma-kun," Nabiki answered with a smile. "Or we wouldn't be taking the tests at all - now would we?"

Ranma answered by shaking his head. Akane had his arm in a death-grip, as though he might accidentally slip away or something.

 _I don't suppose I can blame her for that, now can I? Given all the shit that's happened to us. It's just that it feels right even though it looks wrong. I mean, why am I still nervous about here wanting to hang on to my arm in public? It's not as though I want to discourage her or anything._

A car horn honked outside. Nabiki's eyes widened with pleasure.

"Oh, good! Our taxi is here!" Nabiki said. "Go change, Ranma! I'll go out and hold the cab."

Akane released Ranma's arm so that he could go upstairs to his old room and change clothes. There was a pair of grey pants and a dark blue blazer waiting on him. The shirt was white with thin maroon stripes and there was a rep pattern tie for him. He had to call Akane to help him make a proper knot in the tie. She in turn had to call Kasumi who was thoroughly amused.

"You should be thankful that I did not have to call Nabiki to come up here and do this, Ranma-kun," Kasumi said as she snugged his tie to his neck.

"It wouldn't have been a problem, Kasumi," Ranma said with a growl. "It's just money."

"Oh, really? Then I can have anything I want with my steak tonight?" Kasumi asked.

"Provided that the restaurant has it in stock, yes," Ranma answered in a confident voice. "Nabiki's a partner in that operation so we're not too likely to be over-charged for anything."

"You know, Picolet Chardin has been around lately," Kasumi said. "I'm thinking that perhaps I might like to date him."

"You'd be good for him, Kasumi," Ranma said. "but I can't see how he'd be good for you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, well, I don't know! Who the hell am I to say something like that? At least he has a steady income."

"Along with the hearty respect of the community." Kasumi added with a dry eyed stare at Ranma. "Why do you have any doubts about him?"

"You didn't see him the same way I did, back when I was workin' to pay off your old man's debts to his family, did you?" Ranma asked.

"No, I was here at home doing detailed research," Kasumi said. "Is there something that I should know about him?"

"He can open his head the same way a snake can, Kasumi," Ranma said. "That's how he wins all of the martial arts eating contests he joins."

"Yes, well, at least he can cook for himself," Kasumi said. "I wouldn't mind having a chance to get out of the kitchen and doing some real living."

"With Picolet?" Ranma asked. He was astonished by Kasumi's response to the Franco-Nihonjin.

"What? You don't think that I can bag him?" Kasumi asked. "I should think him very lucky to marry someone like me."

"I'm just worried that he'll - I don't know - engulf you the way he he did me," Ranma said.

"Oh, really? This from the little boy who fell into my house as a hungry teen-aged girl who promptly proceeded to eat us out of house and home?" Kasumi asked.

"Wait!" Ranma all but shouted. "I don't really want to argue over this, Kasumi. If you happen to like Picolet, he's all yours. I don't have a dog in that fight, okay?"

"So, you promise you will not try to rescue me from his clutches, then, right?"

Ranma found himself making a very wry face.

"Of course not. 'Bout the only reason I did it the first time was because he showed me up in front of the entire school."

Kasumi laughed out loud which was rather disconcerting. Ranma was not accustomed to hearing her laugh and she laughed much like Kodachi did. It came from deep down in Kasumi's very being and was prolonged. She even wiped at a tear in the corner of her right eye.

"So all that suffering you did was for your own vanity?"

"No, not really. I did it for you girls as well, but what started me down that road was me being pissed at Picolet. Have you taught him how to kiss properly?"

Again Kasumi laughed out loud, frightening Ranma out of his wits.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Kasumi asked.

"Just try to give me a heads up, won't you?" Ranma asked. "I don't want to see him do you that way."

"Why on earth not? We got to see him do you that way."

"That was different! I was in the middle of a battle!"

"Oh, really? He swallowed your entire head and it looked awful."

"It was awful!"

"Well, don't worry. He doesn't do that to me and never has. As it turns out, he's an excellent kisser."

Akane took Ranma by the arm and the three of the went downstairs to get into the taxi. They only locked the gates to the yard and not the doors to the house. Everyone living around Tendou-ke was afraid of being trapped inside those imposing walls. None of them ever dared to enter without Kasumi as their escort.

Well, the occasional student would enter, but they never lasted long. Learning the Anything Goes style was rougher than just about anyone could take. Soun had only ever had two students that achieved their first dan black belt, and both of them quit once they had gotten that far. Neither had been able to take the rest of the instruction to get a master's ticket.

They partied hard at the steakhouse and then an aka-chochin afterwards. The aka-chochin, or red lantern joint, was an upscale operation where brawling seldom occurred. It was nothing like Miyagi's, the place that the old men liked to go. Miyagi's filled up with working stiffs the same age as Soun and Genm-even older men like Happosai. It was not a place for the younger crowd.

Ranma quickly realized that he would have been far more comfortable drinking at Miyagi's, but what the hell. He was unlikely to get into a fight here so he quickly learned to relax and enjoy it. He got splashed with a cold liquid and turned into is girl form and did not bother to change back, even though Nabiki offered him some hot water.

 _What would be the point of changing back?_ Ranma asked himself. _Akane's already seen me in my girl form while dresses to the nines as a guy. She doesn't like to admit it, but that always turns her on. It's worth enduring clothes that I could put on twice just to excite her._

They were drunk and noisy by the time they came home. Ranma and Akane became especially noisy shortly after arriving at Tendou-ke. Nabiki insisted that they move down to the master bedroom where Soun ordinarily slept. Both of them had been reluctant at first, but found the larger bedroom far more to their liking than Akane's tiny room with her creaky western style bed. Soun had installed a bed large enough to double as a landing pad for a helicopter in the master bedroom. More importantly, it did not emit so much as a sqeak.


	8. Chapter 8

**Return to Normalcy: Chapter 8**

During the night, a mighty north wind came howling down out of the mountains, shocked all the moisture into one very large storm over Tokyo then carried it well out to sea. The now dry wind roared on well into the night. By daylight though, it had fallen to a faint whisper of a chilly breeze, leaving Tokyo skies scrubbed a clear burning blue.

Tetsu-Akane sang out loud as she worked on breakfast in the kitchen. The song she sang was an old tune from a musical so old that it was seldom played by anyone anymore, but this one tune, _A Bushel and a Peck_ , was so catchy that she simply could not resist singing it, even though she had great difficulty pronouncing the lyrics.

One of the great oddities about the ladies Tendou was that Akane was the only morning person of the three. She always woke up in a good mood, whereas Nabiki woke up and really needed to choke some small animal to death before she felt anything near human. Kasumi was much the same, but circumstances had forced her to adopt new habits and deeply religious attitudes. She was always serene in the early mornings, but Akane, provided she could not get outside and run around the neighborhood, sang like a bird.

She was in her cursed form and cooking without so much as a second thought about what sort of mental state she was inducing in her house mates - mostly because they were still asleep and she was planning breakfast to be a surprise for them. Eventually, Kasumi came downstairs and stared around the kitchen in amazed shock for a few minutes.

"Good morning, Kasumi-chan!" Tetsu-Akane said with a smile on her face and a happy grin in her heart.

Kasumi shook herself from head to foot and managed to squeak out, "Good morning, Little sister!" Kasumi paused to take a deep breath and then said, "Do you mind if I taste the rice?"

"Of course not, Big sister," Tetsu-Akane said. "I've already tasted everything. It's all _good_."

While Tetsu-Akane was busy grinding coffee beans, Kasumi decided it best if she verified Tetsu-Akane's claim. She was amazed. Tetsu-Akane had cooked mushroom and onion omelettes that morning and they were perfect, save for the one labeled Ranma, which had bell pepper in it. The truly wondrous, or perhaps horrifying thing about Tetsu-Akane's cooking was that the bacon was both greasy and delightfully crisp, the toast was done just right and even most of the pots and pans were washed and in the drying rack. Tetsu-Akane had been cleaning the kitchen while she cooked breakfast. Kasumi had never known Akane to walk into her kitchen and not turn it into an unsightly mess at the best, but this verged on professional quality work. A glorious smile bloomed on Kasumi's face as she realized what her baby sister had accomplished that morning.

"I'll set the table. You finish up in here, Akane."

"Right on, Big sis!" Tetsu-Akane said cheerfully, and then began singing A _Bushel and a Peck_ while dancing a fair imitation of a sea shanty. She happily washed the now empty skillet as her bare feet slapped the floor with a happy rhythm.

Kasumi found Akane's cursed form's voice to be pleasing. It was a strong baritone. More importantly, she could actually sing on key and carry a tune perfectly in her cursed form. Something she had always struggled with in her natural form.

"Doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle ooo!" Akane sang, getting every note of the last verse right.

 _I wonder if little sister wasn't really my little brother in a girl's body?_ Kasumi silently wondered. _If so, that means her curse is actually a blessing in disguise. Maybe all of this is just Kami-sama's plan unfolding._

Just as Kasumi finished setting the table, Nabiki came stumbling down the stairs with an exceedingly cross look on her face. She paused at the foot of the stairs and inhaled a deep breath through her nose.

"Oh, great, coffee! Thanks, Kasumi-chan."

Kasumi flashed Nabiki a very warm smile. "It's not quite done just yet. Have a seat, Sis."

Ranma stuck his head out of the doorway of the master bedroom and looked around very carefully. He always woke ready for a fight, thanks to the years of abusive training by his shitty father. He even double checked the floor before stepping on it. His single greatest weakness was slippery surfaces. He had decided to do something about it, but to do something he was obliged to check for the hazard before he stepped on it. He walked into the tatami room with bare feet and a cautious and sour look on his face. There were deep lines around his mouth and deep crinkles at the corners of his eyes. The wrinkles on his brow were fast becoming a permanent feature. It made him look both foreboding and fierce, even though he was still under twenty. He sat down and grimly stared at the newly set breakfast table without uttering a single word.

"Good morning, Ranma-san," Kasumi said in a voice that sounded more like wind chimes than it did a human voice. This seem to perk the Saotome childe up a bit.

"Good morning, Kasumi-san," Ranma said in a scratchy voice. "How're you this morning?"

"I'm quite well, thank you," Kasumi said. "In fact, I am better than well. I'm fine."

"Well, that's good news," Nabiki interjected. Nabiki's eyes widened as Tetsu-Akane trotted out with her coffee on a separate tray.

"Here, Nabiki-chan," Tetsu-Akane said. "I'll let you sweeten it to your taste. There's fresh cream in that little pot if you want it."

Kasumi looked smug. Ranma and Nabiki both looked alarmed. Nabiki screwed up her courage and tasted her coffee before she sweetened it.

"This almost doesn't need sugar or cream," Nabiki declared a voice saturated with wonder. "It's almost perfect as it is."

Kasumi giggled as she poured Ranma's orange juice. "Try your omelette, Ranma."

Ranma stared at Kasumi with abject terror suffusing his face.

"I've already tasted it," Kasumi said in what could only be described as an ecstatic voice. "It's really good. Go on! Try it."

Ranma and Nabiki both picked up their forks and tried a tiny portion of their omelets. Both were visibly overawed. Before they could make another move, Tetsu-Akane bounced into the room, singing another round of _A Bushel and a Peck_.

"I love you," Tetsu-Akane sang as she bent low to give Nabiki a peck on the cheek. This startled Nabiki's eyes wide "A bushel and peck! A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck!" She threw her left arm around Ranma as she sat down on his right, the pecked him on the cheek.

"Ah!" Ranma squeaked, sounding more like his curse than his natural self.

Tetsu-Akane took no notice of Ranma's upset and continued with her act. "...A barrel and heap and I'm a talkin' in my sleep about you!" Then Tetsu-Akane picked up a pair of chop sticks and attacked her plate like she meant it while Ranma and Nabiki continued to sit staring at different walls with their jaws dangling. Kasumi did her best to not laugh at the scene and succeeded but only after allowing her beatific smile to widen considerably.

Tetsu-Akane swallowed her food and then threw her head back and sang, "Doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle, doodle, oodle, oodle ooo!"

This hit Ranma and Nabiki like a high voltage shock - their hair stood on end. Ranma stared hard at Tetsu-Akane as though he might give her a Gibbs-smack to the back of her head. Nabiki stared eagerly in anticipation, waiting to see what Ranma might mete out to her bizarre sister and his manly fiancée.

Kasumi managed to hold back her objections, but worried until Ranma's face suddenly softened. He was now staring at Tetsu-Akane as though she were still in her natural form. There was a bright blinding blue-white flash surrounded Ranma as he turned into Onna-Ramma. The look on his face was rapturous - as though he were helplessly in love, which is what he truly was. Not even Akane's curse could change that. The boy was well and truly smitten. Kasumi could see it in every fiber of his being. She heaved a great sigh.

Nabiki was startled by this turn of events; then briefly looked disappointed; then she broke out with unadulterated laughter, as though it was the funniest thing that she had ever seen. Kasumi was elated as she felt her heart soar. It felt as though it might fly right out of her chest if she did not act quickly.

"Please excuse me for a moment," Kasumi said as she rose to her feet. "I forgot to make a telephone call."

Kasumi felt as though she floated rather than walked to the telephone stand in the hallway.

Nabiki watched her elder sister go away and pick up the phone and she managed to contain her laughter. _I'm going to get us another phone,_ she thought. _I'll have the next two lines installed in my room. One for family business, one for my business and the third for emergency traffic. The third one will be unlisted and changed should anyone outside the family get their hands on it._

She looked over to the left to see that Onna-Ranma had yet to dig into his breakfast. He was still too busy making goo-goo eyes at Tetsu-Akane. She felt no pangs of guilt nor jealously. For Nabiki, life was too short for such emotional negativity. All she wanted was to be happy and she was definitely happy. The Waif had managed to save more than one soul with his noble buffoonery. She started to laugh, but reduced it to a chuckle. She wanted to eat her omelette while it was still hot.

Tetsu-Akane noticed Onna-Ranma making eyes at her and stopped to give him a deep kiss.

"You should eat your omelette," Tetsu-Akane said after they finished their kiss. "It'll get cold."

To Nabiki's utter astonishment, Onna-Ranma dug into his omelette like a normal person would eat. He took the time to savor the flavor of each single bite rather than simply inhaling his food the way he had always done.

"I'll bet it has been years since you have been able to enjoy a meal, neh, Ranma-kun?" Nabiki asked.

Onna-Ranma swallowed and said, "Mm. Seems more like a century. It's great not havin' Shit-daddy around tryin' ta steal food offen' my plate."

"But that was just training, right Ranma?" Kasumi asked as she sat back down at the table. "Or was that just an excuse?"

"It was both," Onna-Ranma said. "At least sometimes it was both, but only in the good times. Whenever we were really hard up for food, the old man didn't give a rat's ass whether I ate or not. His belly got filled first you I had to fight him most sincerely."

"Promise me you won't be that way to our children, Ranma," Tetsu-Akane said.

"No problem; I promise," Onna-Ranma said. Kasumi could tell that his statement was heartfelt. "I promise not take them on a long yamagomori without you, too. May the Kami strike me dead if I do."

Kasumi felt her heart try to soar out of her chest again. She hastened to finish her breakfast in silence. _I've got a lot to do before he gets here,_ she thought. _Oh, please, Kami-sama! Please let this all be true._

Kasumi began humming the tune _Blue Skies_ under her breath. After the second bar, Tetsu-Akane picked up on it. Soon they were singing a duet between bites in counterpoint to each other. Then Onna-Ranma got in on the act. His female voice was a fine soprano. Nabiki just grinned and tapped her foot. Had she been a member of a band, she would have been its drummer.

Breakfast done, Onna-Ranma leaned close to Tetsu-Akane's ear and said, "You go getcher runnin' out of your system. We'll spar when you get back."

Tetsu-Akane gave Onna-Ranma another kiss and disappeared up the stairs.

"Where's mine, Ranma?" Nabiki asked.

Onna-Ranma snapped his eyes into focus on Nabiki's face, then flung himself at her so that she had to catch him. They kissed for a while, but Nabiki had to put Onna-Ranma down. "You're much heavier than you look, you know."

"Where'd Kasumi go?" Onna-Ranma asked as he scratched the back of his head searched what was visible of the first floor around them.

Nabiki held her hand up for quiet. "She's up in her room," Nabiki said after listening for a while. "It sounds as though she's moving stuff around."

"Moving what around?" Onna-Ranma asked.

"Beats me! She doesn't have all that much to move around."

They were still giving each other deeply puzzled stares when Kasumi's voice drifted down to them. "Could I get a hand with some of this, please?"

Nabiki cocked an eyebrow at Onna-Ranma who gave her a shrug as he headed for the stairway.

"I guess we're about to find out what it is she's moving, huh, Nabiki?"

"I think you're right, Ranma-kun."

By the time the two them reached the top of the stairs, Tetsu-Akane had finished changing into some of Ranma's old clothing. It did not fit her all that well, but at least it did cover her newly acquired body without being to tight that she could not breath.

"You and I need to do some serious shopping for our guy sides," Nabiki said to Akane.

Tetsu-Akane nodded her head. "As soon as finals are over. What is it that Kasumi needs?"

While Nabiki plotted out what she and Tetsu-Akane and she were going to do when it came time to shop, Onna-Ranma made his way to Kasumi's room. He was stood frozen in the doorway as the other two girls came up behind him. Kasumi had packed everything she owned, and had it all neatly stacked and ready to move.

What's up with this, Sis?" Nabiki asked.

"Yeah, Kasumi. What's going on?" Akane asked.

Onna-Ranma sounded sad when he spoke. "She's leavin' us, girls. That's what."

Nabiki and Tetsu-Akane were shocked speechless. Tetsu-Akane clapped both hands to her face. Nabiki rubbed her forehead with her left hand.

"No need to look so surprised or disappointed," Kasumi said. "It's my turn to go out and have some fun."

"I guess you've got Picolet coming here to pick you up, right?" Onna-Ranma asked.

"Hai," Kasumi said with an even more beatific smile-if such a thing were possible.

Onna-Ranma fought off the tears. It wasn't manly to cry when hearing good news about someone, after all.

"Congratulations, Kasumi," he said.

"Congratulations to you, too, Little Brother," Kasumi said. "I'm proud of you."

This puzzled Onna-Ranma. "Proud of me? For what?"

"First for becoming a man where in counts - in the heart and mind. Second, for being able to master your curse."

"Master my cur..."

Nabiki shouted her surprise. "I _cannot_ _believe_ that I didn't notice it. You turned into a girl without getting splashed this morning! You never noticed it did you?"

Tetsu-Akane looked taken aback as well. Kasumi merely beamed happiness.

Onna-Ranma was dumbstruck. _Konatsu had it right,_ he thought. _Shit-daddy really can go panda when he wants to. Now I can go girl when I want - well with some practice I might - but what about reversing the curse? Will I ever be able to do that? That can wait for later. Right now its time to send Kasumi off._

Onna-Ranma looked around and saw that golden sunlight was streaming into Kasumi's window. It was casting shadow bands and lighting up errant dust particles. He felt the wonder of a small child once again. It had been so many years that he could not remember the last time he felt this way. It was a bittersweet moment for him. Tears came into his eyes.

"I owe most of my growing up to you, Kasumi-san," Onna-Ranma said. "I don't know what I might have turned into if - if I hadn't met you."

Kasumi rushed forward and engulfed the smaller form of Onna-Ranma. Then her manly sister and her girly sister joined in the hug. It was one of those moments that you remember for a lifetime.

The repeated honks of an unusual sounding car horn followed by a knock at the front door brought it to an end.

"I'll get it," Onna-Ranma said. "You guys wait here."

* * *

He went down the stairs three steps at the time and rushed to the front door. It was Picolet Chardin flanked by four or five beefier men.

Chardin was taken aback by Onna-Ranma opening the door. He stared at Ranma as though he had expected someone else to open the door. He grinned like a fool who knew better, but he took Onna-Ramma's hand anyway and bowed over it, pretending to kiss it.

 _At least the arrogant boss-turd didn't touch his fat lips to my skin, Onna-Ranma thought._

"Greetings and felicitations, Saotome-san," Picolet said. "How have you been?"

"I've been doing fine," Onna-Ranma said, being careful to control his temper. "You're here to take Kasumi away from her life of drudgery, right?"

Picolet sneered. "But of course I am! Why would you think otherwise?"

"Because she's a good cook."

"She is a good _home_ cook, not a professional chef. Besides, she will never have to cook anything again if she does not want to."

"That's good to know," Onna-Ranma said. "All she has done around here is be substitute wife for Soun."

Picolet visibly flinched at this news.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Onna-Ranma shouted. "I meant to say that she has been doing all the cooking and cleaning and mothering around here - especially to Soun."

"Ah! That I can readily appreciate," Picolet said, looking relieved. "She is very good at mentoring, isn't she?"

"Yeah, you betcha!" Onna-Ranma exclaimed. "You had best do right by her. If you don't..."

"You'll come see me?" Picolet asked. "Believe me, I know what that means, but surely you must appreciate the position I am in with her sister Nabiki?"

Onna-Ranma gave Picolet a rueful grin. "About the same situation I'm in with her."

"Then you can fully appreciate my circumstance, can you not?" Picolet said with an elegant sniff. "Just realize that I am genuinely smitten by her. I _shall_ see to it that she lives comfortably and happily. If I cannot do that, I shall step aside and allow someone else the opportunity. Kasumi is an unrecognized national treasure."

Onna-Ranma felt his face relax. "Treasure is right..."

One of the men, the one who looked to be a supervisor type cleared his throat.

"Ah, yes!" Picolet exclaimed. "Will be good enough to guide these men to Kasumi's belongings?"

"Sure," Onna-Rannma said. "We were just about to move them outside when you knocked on the door."

"Good!" Picolet said. "May I see Kasumi-san now?"

"I don't think I could keep her away from you if I wanted to," Onna-Ranma said and gave the Franco-Japanese chef a wry grin. "Follow me, guys. I'll show where the stuff is at."

Onna-Ranma turned on his heel and led the moving crew up the stairs. Kasumi was standing at the head of the stairway, looking pensive.

"Picolet is waiting for you at the door," Onna-Ranma said. "Was I you, I'd go hang on his arm before some other woman comes along and finds the handsome bastard."

She giggled and then kissed Onna-Ranma on the cheek before running downstairs. Onna-Ranma stared after her for a moment, heaved a sigh and said, "This way to the work, guys."

It took only a few minutes to get Kasumi's belongings out of the house. The truck was sitting right outside the gate and in front of the big ugly monster was a pearl white Citroen DS 19. Clearly the elderly classic car had undergone a full restoration. Chardin must have spent a small fortune on it. He even had a driver standing holding the door open. Picolet and Kasumi waved at Onna-Ranma and her two sisters before getting into the elderly car that was incongruously futuristic in appearance and drove off. Onna-Ranma felt a stab of pain in his throat. The movers loaded the ramp on the truck, shut the back door of the box, and then drove off. The three of them were standing in the sunlit silence watching a nothing but leaves long dead and brown dancing around in the cold breeze.

The silence was too sad to last.

"I'm going to get my run in now," Tetsu-Akane said, and then took off.

Nabiki heaved a great sigh. "I never thought I'd see the day that she'd be leaving the nest, but it seems she managed to beat me to it."

Onna-Ranma gave Nabiki a hard stare. "You ain't goin' nowhere."

"Oh, really?"

"Not so long as we are in business together," Onna-Ranma said in a menacing voice. "I gotta keep my eye on my investments ya know."

Nabiki laughed and put her arm around Onna-Ranma as the walked back through the gate.

"I had not thought of that to tell you the truth, Ranma, but you're right. We gotta keep our eyes on the money."

* * *

Tetsu-Akane returned from her run. She found it necessary to run much farther in her cursed form than she did in her natural form. She worked her way through her usual cool down routine, and found it much easier than usual.

 _I can't believe the difference being a guy makes,_ she thought. This body is a real treat once you start getting used to it. _No need to bathe, if I'm going to spar with Ranma, but I'll change back into a girl just to keep things safe._

She kicked her straw sandals off and walked over the small concrete pad Soun used for his ablutions, then turned the faucet on. The spray nozzle on the hose was already open and it sprayed her head down liberally. Then she walked into the house to discover that Nabiki and put a kettle on the stove. It was a little too hot, so she turned the burner from low to off and sat down on Kasumi's bar stool.

Onna-Ranma came strolling into the kitchen from the tatami room. "Whatcha doin' here, Akane?"

"Waiting for the kettle to cool off," Akane said.

"You don't need to change," Onna-Ranma said with a grim look on his face. "Let's go."

"I thought we were going to spar today," Akane said.

"We are. You're still gonna have a hard time hittin' me."

"You didn't see what I did to that poor guy at..."

"Nabiki told me about that,"Onna-Ranma said, cutting her off. "It's time for you to work on your control. If you don't have any or can't develop some, we'll hafta kill ya."

Akane felt a brief spike fo alarm, but then thought that Ranma was merely kidding. Onna-Ranma grinned at her. It was a fierce grin, but it was definitely amused.

"Good luck with that, lover boy!" Akane exclaimed.

Without warning or wind up, Onna-Ranma went from where he was standing to right up in Tetsu-Akane's face. He gave her a stinging slap across her left ear and passed right by her. She barely saw him move.

"Ow!"

"See, Tomboy?" Onna-Ranma asked. "You won't always be inside a dojo, and almost nobody you'll meet holds to any particular rules. It's anything goes! Ya got that?"

Tetsu-Akane quickly got over the emotional hurt that Onna-Ranma's slap had inflicted. _It's just training. I is just training. Harsh training, but realistic. If I can't cope, I should take up cooking and sewing like all the other girls,_ Tetsu-Akane thought. Onna-Ranma was standing just outside her range of action, leering at her the way he had always done.

 _Even after I've been cursed to turn into a big strong male that can knock someone's teeth out with a single punch he still thinks he can belittle me!_ Akane's mind screamed. Adrenaline coursed through her veins and she struck out at Onna-Ranma hard, fast and furious.

Onna-Ranma danced around her attack just as he had always done until Tetsu-Akane was blowing like a horse that had been ridden hard for two miles or more - more like more. Her clothing was soaked through with sweat and it was running down into her eyes, making them sting and blurring her vision.

"D'ya know what the definition of a weapon is, Akane?"

"It's anything used to inflict bodily harm on someone," Akane answered between gasps for much needed air.

"Nah, it's more basic than that. A weapon is anything used to transfer energy to a target," Onna-Ranma said. "Guess what? You're now the target, and I gotta lot of energy left."

That said, Onna-Ranma turned into a veritable whirlwind of pain - for Tetsu-Akane. Once he was finished, she did not have a single muscle that was not suffering major spasms and pain. Ranma had not hit her hard a single time. All he had done was to use shiatsu techniques.

Tetsu-Akane felt thoroughly humiliated and started to stagger away, but Onna-Ranma got in front of her.

"Whoa, big girl! Where you goin'? We ain't done yet!"

Tetsu-Akane was shocked and horrified and Onna-Ranma saw her reaction before she could say a single word.

"That is unless you don't wanna play no more," Onna-Ranma said in the most mocking voice Tetsu-Akane had ever heard. "Iffen ya wanna play in my league, ya gotta get way tougher and way faster than you are now. More importantly, you need to be more cunning."

Tetsu-Akane stared at her noisome fiancé for a few seconds. He looked cute enough to eat, but she knew better - she'd have to catch him first and Ranma Saotome was as hard to catch as the wind, especially when he was in his cursed form.

 _Wait, what was it he said about cunning? We're both in the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. We must have learned the same basic kata and everything. He knows exactly what I am going to do and when I'm going to do it! That...that...HOUND DOG!_ Tetsu-Akane thought.

"There are some more kata that I haven't seen, isn't there?" Tetsu-Akane managed to choke out.

Onna-Ranma gave her a nasty sneer before saying, "For every offensive move ever dreamed up, there's a defensive that has been dreamed up to counter it. Ya gotta learn to surprise yer opponents, Akane."

Tetsu-Akane attacked. Onna-Ranma was actually forced to block this time rather than simply dodging as he had always done. His blocks hurt like hellfire. Tetsu-Akane saw it as progress - good progress - until the pain of being blocked repeatedly in rapid succession became so painful that she could no longer stand it.

Most people see martial arts moves on television and think that they know what is like. Nothing could be further from the truth - perhaps the Andromeda galaxy is farther off - but they have no clue about it. Until one of your punches has been deflected by someone who knows what he or she is doing, you have not felt pain. Tetsu-Akane's arms legs and even one foot were covered with welts that were going to turn into bruises. She was panting again.

"Okay, Tomboy!" Onna-Ranma said in a cheerful voice. "Your done for the day. Hit the furo."

Tetsu-Akane got up off her knees and staggered toward her diminutive fiancé. She seized him up in her arms and threw him over her shoulder. Onna-Ranma burst out laughing.

"You're coming with me, you little shit!" Tetsu-Akane said.

She staggered over to the engawa only to find Nabiki standing there looking at them with a superior air. She had her hands on her hips as though very dubious of their goings on.

"I've already ordered delivery for lunch," she told them as Tetsu-Akane staggered toward the furoba. "It'll be here about the time you get out."

"What'd ja order, Nabiki?" Onna-Ranma asked.

"Shrimp and vegetable tempura with extra vegetables," Nabiki said. "Hurry or it will get cold before you finish."

This all occurred during the midday of Sunday, November 1, 1989. A day that should live forever, much like New Years day. It was the very first day that Akane Tendou remembered actually working something out on her own that had to do with the martial arts. Up until that day, she had simply stuck to what her father had taught her, which while being good enough to defeat the untrained and lightly trained little boys at school, it was not nearly enough to take on the likes of Ranma Saotome. Sunday, November 1 of 1989 was the day that she opened the door on an entirely new universe. She would never look back - until they discovered that Ranma was pregnant. All three of them, Akane, Nabiki _and_ Ranma, concluded that this was the night that Onna-Ranma conceived because he was well and truly exposed on that night.

* * *

Several days later during the early morning, Nabiki sat in the tatami room of Tendo-ke.

 _It's odd,_ Nabiki thought as thunder rumbled in the distance _._ _Kasumi has just moved out of here and this place feels changed already. Dad hasn't been home for days. I hear that he has shacked up with Hinako-sensei. Good for them. It's time Dad moved on and she needs someone to cuddle with. Older men are always more comfortable and manageable than younger ones._

Nabiki caught the faint scent of Ranma's girl type body and looked around. She did not see him, so she took another long sip of her delightfully aromatic coffee.

 _Akane and I along with Ranma will just have to re-work this place to suit us and our new lifestyle - even though I can't quite figure what that will be. How on earth did I end up sharing my sister's fiancé? Was that an accident, or did we work it out without talking about it in advance? It's bound to cause tears eventually, but all long-term relationships do, so there's no help for it. I'll just try to remain my cool collected self whenever things start to get out of control._

Nabiki sensed a presence more than heard or saw anything.

"Okay, Ranma," she said aloud to the apparently empty room. "Enough with the Umisen-ken now. Show yourself."

A dripping wet Onna-Ranma suddenly became visible on the engawa just off the tatami mats.

Its not the Umisen-ken, Nabiki-chan," he said in his girlish voice. "Kenzan-kun is teaching some new tricks."

"Well, that's a good one," Nabiki said. "Does it require a lot of ki, or can just any old martial artist learn it?"

Onna-Kenzan suddenly appeared standing right next to Onna-Ranma. He was dripping as much water as Onna-Ranma was.

"It takes a great deal of practice, Nabiki-dono," Onna-Konatsu said in his alto-soprano voice, "but nearly anyone can learn to use it."

"Oh, good!" Nabiki exclaimed as she set her coffee cup on the table and rose. "I really need to learn how to do that. When can you start teaching it to me?" She asked over her shoulder as she opened the door to the furoba.

"Anytime you like, Nabiki-dono, but I must do some scheduling first," Konatsu said.

"I keep forgetting you have a job at a restaurant," Nabiki said as she came out of the furoba with two beach towels. She handed each Jusenkyou girl one. Both gratefully accepted and began drying off immediately. "How's your business doing?"

Onna-Kenzan paused and started at the ceiling before he answered.

"Well, it has been busy, but what do I know? Ukyou keeps all the books. I never learned to keep track of the money, you see. My stepmother, curse her black flabby heart, wouldn't have any of it. She wanted me kept in the dark as much as possible."

"So she could cheat you, I'd imagine," Nabiki said with a shark-like grin.

"Yeah, Nabiki!" Onna-Ranma interjected. "You know every thing there is to know about beating people out of their money-dontcha?"

Nabiki never even flinched.

"Oh, come now, Ranma! I thought you were growing up."

"Let's just say that I'm improvin' fast, Nabiki-chan," Onna-Ramma said with a rueful grin. "You can only hit me over the head so many times before I start latching hold of ideas."

"Would the two of you like me to fetch you some dry clothes?" Nabiki asked. "Or are you going to stand on the engawa where you can drip dry?"

"No need for that, Nabiki-chan," Onna-Ranma said in his chirruping femal voice. He whipped out a large bath towel from no where and flourished it around himself and Onna-Kenzan. After the flourish, both of them were dressed in dry clothing. Onna-Ranma had their wet clothing bundled up with the towels. He headed for the furoba with them as Onna-Kenzan sat down at the table.

"I'll just pop this stuff into the drier," Onna-Ranma said over his shoulder. "They don't need washing."

Nabiki stared after Onna-Ranma for a moment before turning her attention to the shivering Onna-Kenzan. "Would you like some coffee, Kenzan-kun?"

"That sounds good, Nabiki-dono," Onna-Kenzan said. "May I have a little cream in it please? Coffee is much nicer with cream."

Nabiki fought off the urge to give Onna-Kenzan a good pout and a lecture on the virtues of plain Kona coffee, but decided better of it. "Of course you may. Just let me fetch the carafe and cups."

Onna-Ranma was sitting opposite of Onna-Kenzan when Nabiki returned from the kitchen with the coffee. Onna-Konatsu was still struggling into the warm up suit Onna-Ranma had given him.

Nabiki settled down then poured both of their cups full and waited for Onna-Ranma to fill hers before taking up the business they needed to discuss. The tatami room filled with the aroma of good coffee and the two Jusenkyou girls; the smelled of arouse young women and men, with their womanly smell far more prominent. Nabiki drew in a deep breath through her nose and found herself transported to heaven.

"So have you guys found the car?" Nabiki asked looking first at Ranma and then Kenzan. She could tell from their body language that one of them had found the car.

"Yeah, we found it all right," Onna-Ranma said as he scratched at the back of his neck.

 _He always does that when he feels awkward,_ Nabiki thought. _Something they found has upset him._

"So, where is it?" Nabiki asked.

"It's in an old repair shop for large trucks in Outa-cho," Onna-Kenzan said. "A man visits it at least once a week. First he pulls the tarp off of it. Then he gives it a very close inspection..."

"Yeah, he stares at for at least an hour," Onna-Ranma interjected.

"Then he dusts it off. After he has it dusted, he starts the engine and lets it warm up. He sits in it and runs through the gears - Oh, and he makes the rear end go up and down for some reason," Onna-Kenzan said.

"Yeah, it's really weird," Onna-Ranma interjected. "I ain't ever seen a car do anything like that. Then he starts putting this white pasty lookin' stuff on the car and rubs it until it shines."

Nabiki gritted her teeth. "Something must be wrong with the hydraulic system. The Caspita sits about two centimeters off the pavement, but it has a hydraulic lift system that can raise it as high as five centimeters."

"Both ends?" Onna-Kenzan asked.

Nabiki nodded her head. "Yes, both ends. If only the rear end is going up and down, there must be a problem with the hydraulics. At least he is doing what he can to keep it up."

Onna-Ranma made a sour face. "It's so damned wide that there must be only one or two wreckers in Tokyo that can haul it. D'ya know one?"

Nabiki grinned. "Sure, one of them belongs to the people who want us to recover the car."

Onna-Kenzan flicked his eyes over at Onna-Ranma. Onna-Ramma's face became even more sour.

"How well d'ya know these people? Are they reliable?" Onna-Ranma now looked suspicious enough to be completely paranoid.

"Well, they _are_ an established insurer, Ranma," Nabiki said. "They are about as reliable as any big company. Why do you ask?"

"Please excuse me, Tendou-dono," Onna-Kenzan said, "but I wonder if you are right about that."

Nabiki was taken aback by Konatsu's statement. She gave Onna-Ranma a quick glance and saw from the look on his face that he agreed with Onna-Kenzan.

"What makes you think otherwise?" Nabiki asked them both.

"Aw hell, I don't know!" Onna-Ranma exclaimed. "There's just something about the way this guy acts around that hunk o'junk. It's easy to see that he loves it. He treats it better than Shit-daddy ever treated me!"

Nabiki watched Onna-Kenzan as he gravely nodded his head in agreement.

 _Drat!_ She thought. _They're jealous of a car. They don't like the idea that anyone would lavish love on a car and not them. What am I going to do with these two? Neither one of them ever had a proper home or family. I've got to find a way to get them on my side of this op._

"Okay, guys. I can see right now that you don't get cars or car people, but believe me, his behavior is not as uncommon as you think, okay?" Nabiki said.

Neither of the young Jusenkyou victims looked convinced.

"He's not your usual gear-head, Tendou-dono," Onna-Kenzan said. "He's an elderly man and he treats that thing as though it were his favorite granddaughter."

"Please do at least one more check on the people who've hired us to recover this piece o'junk, okay?" Onna-Ranma all but begged. "I smell a rat here somehow."

Once again, Nabiki was surprised when Onna-Kenzan nodded his pretty head in agreement with Onna-Ranma. She blew out her cheeks and made a show of sighing. "Okay, but after that, we go after the car, okay?"

"No," Onna-Kenzan and Onna-Ranma said in chorus.

"We only go after tha damned thing of your contacts prove to be as reliable as they claim to be," Onna-Ranma said. "Otherwise, I ain't gonna take this old man's baby away from him."

"Ranma, it does not really belong to him," Nabiki said. _He's being a pain now, and I don't understand why,_ she thought.

"I think it must be, though," Onna-Kenzan said. His voice all but overwhelmed Nabiki with its sincerity. "Please double-check to make certain of our actions. I think he might well die without that car to care for."

Nabiki was stumped, despite herself and her normal greed. _This is about more than money. It's about the very first Japanese supercar. I'm not surprised that neither one of these guys get it, but geez! I know that a person can become unreasonably attached to something that does not belong to her. Why can't either one of these guys see that? Hasn't it ever happened to them?_

"Okay, I'll double check just because you asked politely, okay?" Inwardly, Nabiki was seething with emotion, but she managed to contain her emotions - mostly. _Ranma might have noticed a wee-tiny bit of leakage._ "But you gotta realize that people do become attached to things they shouldn't - especially to cars and other mechanical things."

Both of the Jusenkyou girls responded with uncomprehending stares.

 _I'll have to take a shot at explaining to them._

"Almost none of us can hop, skip and jump across rooftops like you two do. For most of us, travel is slow and boring. We have to be satisfied with walking or running, but machines like trains, cars and airplanes, are a huge boon to most of us. They free us to travel great distances that our muscles aren't up to coping with."

"Oh, I can appreciate the relief of traveling in comfort," Onna-Ranma said with a now jaundiced look on his beautiful face. "But why would anyone use baby talk when they're speaking to a machine? Machines can't even hear! They're not alive!"

Nabiki giggled and she could see that she annoyed both of the Jusenkyou girls as she did.

"I think that after you have been exposed to a car of your own, you just might begin to understand, Ranma-kun."

Onna-Ranma responded with a derisive snort. "Not likely."

Onna-Kenzan reacted very differently. "I cannot imagine having enough money to buy an automobile, let alone driving one."

Nabiki stared at Onna-Ranma and asked, "What about you, Saotome? Ever dream of owning a car?"

Onna-Ranma shook his head. "Nah! I'm afraid I might spread out as wide as Shit-daddy if I ever gave in and bought one. Too much sittin' is bad for ya."

Nabiki propped her chin in the palm of her hand with her elbow on the table as she stared at Onna-Ranma. "We'll see about that. You are about to make enough money to be able to afford a car."

Onna-Ranma rolled his eyes to the heavens.

"Parking permits and all?"Onna-Ranma asked. "I just cain't see me ever doing that."

"Well, anyway, explain to me where this garage is," Nabiki said in her best let's-get-down-to-business tone of voice. "Is it on a major road or what?"

"Yes, it's right of the Shuto expressway just south of where it turns and goes west toward Tokyo bay in Outa-cho," Onna-Kenzan said in his chirrupy voice. "The garage is on the east side of Sangyo road, a four lane thoroughfare. Lot's of heavy truck traffic there."

"How did you guys find it?" Nabiki asked.

"It turned out to be a great deal simpler than we thought it would be," Onna-Ranma said.

"The lady at the recovery office told us that it was in Outa-ku," Onna-Kenzan said.

"So we went down there and caught a cab," Onna-Ranma said. "We were worn out just from gittin' to Outa-ku. Didn't have enough energy left to search."

"Mmm!" Onna-Kenzan nodded his strawberry blond head in agreement. "Then Onna-Ranma asked the cab driver where there might be a place where a car as wide as the Caspita could be hidden in Outa."

"Genius, Ranma," Nabiki decided to be lavish with him praise. _Ranma has earned his rice with that one._ "Sheer genius."

Onna-Ranma blushed, causing Onna-Kenzan to titter.

"Which language does the word 'Caspita' come from?" Onna-Kenzan asked.

"Yeah, and what does it mean anyway - if means anything," Onna-Ranma added.

Nabiki gave them an evil smile as she spoke. "It's an Italian exclamation that means the same thing as ' _Aremaa!_ '"

Onna-Ranma burst out laughing. "That changes everything, Nabiki-chan! You shudda told me that Kasumi named a damned car."

Onna-Kenzan had a stunned look on his pretty face.

"Good heavens?" He asked. "Caspita means 'good heavens' in Italian?"

Nabiki by now was laughing out loud. "Yeah, you'd a thought Kasumi saw it the day it was unveiled, wouldn't you?"

* * *

A week later, Otoko-Nabiki sat on the bus loaded down with photography gear; the straps were tangled all about her person and people were staring at her as though she had just landed from Mars or something. Nabiki did not realize it, but everyone outside Nerima just naturally stared at Nerimaeans despite themselves. It was a recent development that only started after Happosai had distributed the "Make Love Plants" around Nerima. Everyone from Nerima simply oozed sexuality. They had become so attractive to people never before exposed to the plants that it was eerie. Nabiki found herself silently cursing.

 _Damn this rain! Damn Jusenkyou. Damn this too-too thin male curse of mine. Damn these infuriating male hormones! They are making it difficult for me to think. No, Ranma and Konatsu are deliberately baiting me, and_ _that's_ _what's making it hard to think!_

Onna-Ranma and Onna-Kenzan were sitting near her looking cuter than ever. Otoko-Nabiki's newly acquired male hormones were raging out of control at the very sight of the two unlikely girly-boys, because both of them were behaving like sluts on the make which, thanks to the "Make Love" plant, was exactly what they were.

 _Probably Ranma's idea of being a real girl_ , Otoko-Nabiki thought. _Or maybe not, Kenzan-kun is acting just as horny as Ranma-kun is. It doesn't matter, the two of them are driving this male body of mine mad with lust. Wait, I thought that a person's biggest sex organ was his brain? I know I read that somewhere._

Onna-Kenzan in his cursed form was a breathtakingly beautiful strawberry blonde - that is when his hair was the color it ordinarily turned when he was splashed with cold water, but he had found a way to turn it completely golden for this gig. The new hair color, combined with Onna-Kenzan's cursedly curvaceous figure went well in the two piece sailor-fuku uniform Onna-Kenzan put on for the gig. The fit suited Onna-Kenzan's figure to a T and he wore it over a pair of panty hose with the usual knee-hi white socks that most Japanese school girls wore with their uniforms. Onna-Kenzan's were decorated at the top with butterflies drawn in the ink from a red felt-tip pen. The color matched the piping of his uniform.

Not only was the situation embarrassing, it was causing her, Tendou Nabiki, to lose face - well it was causing her cursed form to lose face. She remembered all the times that she and her other female colleagues played "Make 'im Stiff' without touchin' 'im. She regretted every last time she ever played that game now.

 _I don't know how guys stand this, she thought. I can't think about anything other than sex for more than a two minutes. Is that really normal for guys? That would explain Happosai, I think._ _Geez!_ _When I let my imagination excite it, this body really reacts in an embarrassing way._

Remembering all those times that she and her female classmates had tormented their male counterparts by exposing various parts of their anatomy just to see which boy would, or would not, show hard, felt waves of guilt wash over her.

 _Guys get hard because they can't help it,_ Tetsu-Nabiki thought. _She and her companions had been shooting fish in a tub. If Ranma wriggles like that one more time I'm going to pinch him on his cute little ass!_ _He is such a hot chick! Wait! He knows it, too. He's picking on me. That naughty little turd! He's picking on me deliberately. In fact, he and Kenzan-kun are taking turns on me. No wonder I can't get this stick between my legs to wilt. Shit!_

Nabiki involuntarily shivered as she felt her testicles crawl up toward the pockets in her crotch and her penis begin to throb.

Don't these two realize that they are playing with live fire here?

Otoko-Nabiki thought _. Surely they know better. They were born male. Why are they baiting me like this?_

Onna-Kenzan giggled and winked at Onna-Ranma. Onna-Ranma gave his cursed comrade an evil knowing grin in return.

"You're right," Kenzan-kun," Onna-Ranma unexpectedly said as he thrust out his more than ample bosom. "She gets turned on by the sight of you even more than she does lookin' at me."

Otoko-Nabiki choked on her protest before she could say anything, and Onna-Kenzan giggled in response before what Otoko-Nabiki was about to say even reached her malfunctioning from being overheated cerebral cortex.

"I told you she would, you know," Onna-Kenzan said giving Onna-Ranma a sly wink.

"That's only 'cause she hasn't gotten inta yer pants, yet, Konatsu-chan," Onna-Ranma said. "She's been in mine plenty of times awready."

The two cursed girls glanced around the bus, and Onna-Ranma gave Onna-Kenzan the palm-down wave the Japanese use to flag a person in closer for a whispered conversation. Even the wave of his tiny little fight-hardened and roughed up hand turned Otoko-Nabiki on. He had shoved that little hand deep inside her natural form for hours at a stretch on more than one occasion, but instead of getting a melting open feeling between her legs, Otoko-Nabiki felt a hard knot of semen form up in the region between her scrotum and her anus. This response set her teeth on edge, so she ground them together until they hurt.

There was a great deal of racket on the bus. It was constantly speeding up and slowing down thanks to the poorly timed street lights; Onna-Ranma had to whisper loud enough for Otoko-Nabiki and several of the natural males on the bus to hear.

"If you haven't been fisted, ya need ta try it," Onna-Ranma said with his male diction in his ever so cute cursed form's voice. "Ya gotta have it done to ya before ya do it to Ukyou."

Onna-Kenzan gave Otoko-Nabiki a pleading stare and blushed prettily before answering Onna-Ranma. "Sounds like it might be fun. Have you done it to Akane?"

Onna-Ranma nodded his head vigorously. "She loves it. Thrashes around like a snake caught in a hay baler every time, too."

This caused every other male within earshot to sit bolt upright and take serious notice - much to Otoko-Nabiki's embarrassment - then she discovered that her own back had stiffened and was annoyed.

 _So that was what all that screaming was about last night,_ Otoko-Nabiki thought. The hard little knot of semen squirmed forward a little, forcing her to shiver again. _He used my technique on baby sister. Good for you, Akane. Well...Shit! Jusenkyou curses were so complicated that they're even confusing to get all hot and bothered about._

The brakes on the bus squealed as it stopped at the bend in the Shuto expressway. Otoko-Nabiki got off the bus at the corner of the Shuto expressway and Sangyo road. The two girly-boys were right behind her, all of them ladened with sufficient quantity of photographic equipment to convince the geriatric thief that they wanted to use his fancy car as a background prop.

Sangyo road was jammed with truck traffic along the four lanes of its north-south stretch. Sangyo road, unlike the expressway, had so many lights that there was no hope of timing the majority of them. It was constantly so that it was rush hour all day and most of the night. It had taken the bus an hour to reach the expressway. Otoko-Nabiki was grateful to debark bus. The constant speeding up and slowing down had begun to give her motion sickness.

The rough weather, intermittent heavy rain with long spells of cold drizzle and dead grey skies overhead made a poor fit with the anticipation Otoko-Nabiki was feeling. She was looking forward to finally putting her hands on the very first Japanese supercar - the Jiotto Caspita.

* * *

Tetsu-Akane wiped her brow and sighed. Finals were a real live bitch. She had never studied so hard in all her life as she was studying now. It was an awful grind. She was eating like a horse and sitting - sitting - sitting and just sitting some more. Her muscles ached for exercise, but there wasn't time. She had to study some more. Worse, she wanted to go home and have sex with Ranma again. She did not know which side of herself was worse - her girl side or her guy side. She suspected that her girl side liked having sex a great deal more than her guy side, because her guy side faded too quickly. That was the real trouble with the male body. It lacked the stamina it needed to do a girl up properly. Most of the time it was finished after the fourth or fifth orgasm in a row, but her girl side could go right on humping without a break all night.

Tetsu-Akane was suddenly distracted by the mouthwatering smell of a bacon and egg okonomiyaki. She looked up to see Ukyou grinning at her.

"Gratis!" Ukyou said and batted her eye lashes at Tetsu-Akane. "For messing up your wedding. I'm really sorry for doing that."

Ukyou down-shifted her rear end into roll'em slow as she walked away from Tetsu-Akane. The results caught Tetsu-Akane's fully focused attention.

 _She has a great little heart shaped ass,_ Akane thought. _Wait! We're both girls. I shouldn't be looking at her that way. Good grief! What is with male hormones anyway? Their hormones render their minds into oatmeal when a good looking woman is around. No wonder they act so weird._

Yuka sat down on one side of Tetsu-Akane while Sayuri sat on the other. Both of them leaned on her, rubbing at least one breast on each arm. Tetsu-Akane desperately tried to remember if they had done that while she was in her natural form, but could not recall it.

"How's it hangin', Akane?" Yuka asked.

"Yeah, how goes it with the curse?" Sayuri asked.

When Tetsu-Akane could not pull her tongue from the roof of her mouth to make a reply, Yuka stuck her hand between Tetsu's legs and squeezed her rapidly growing shaft. Tetsu-Akane gasped and shouted, "Will you please!"

"Please what, Akane?" Yuka asked.

"Yeah, Akane, please who?" Sayuri said as she slid her hand between Tetsu-Akane's legs. "Ooh, you're not cursed, Akane. You're blessed!"

"Oh, come on, Akane," Yuka said in a pleading voice. "We all know you can't get a girl pregnant."

"Yeah, we just wanna know what its like for real," Sayuri said, as she stroked the middle of Tetsu's shaft. Yuka was stroking the head of it. "We just don't wanna get pregnant to learn how it feels."

Akane in her natural form was infamous for her powerful grip, but now she was literally wrinkling the top of her metal desk. "Will you two baka _please_ knock it off?"

"Knock off what, Akane?" Yuka asked and gave Tetsu's head a gentle squeeze.

"You want we should knock off a quick piece of ass, with you?" Sayuri asked, as her eyes went wide with delight. "What a wonderful idea!"

"I'm ensconced!" Tetsu-Akane blurted out. Tetsu-Akane's face was now as crimson as her name suggested. "I mean engaged!"

Yuka grinned evilly. "Ensconced? By who?"

"Yeah, Akane," Sayuri said. "Does that mean you've dipping your big wick into onnatekki Ranma?"

Tetsu-Akane could feel her blood pressure surge. Her face felt much hotter than it had just been feeling. "Ranma can turn back into a guy, you know."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Yuka asked as she started rubbing Tetsu's little head. She seemed to enjoy it immensely.

"It means he's protected from me," Tetsu-Akane said. "All he has to do afterwards is splash himself with cold water."

"Eew!" Both girls chorused. Their faces suddenly flushed red then they turned a dead looking white and both disappeared like a pair of cats surprised by a lawn sprinkler.

Tetsu-Akane heaved a great sigh and turned her attention to her now cooled okonomiyaki.

"Are ya sure that's true, Sugar?" Ukyou asked as she sat down on the corner of Tetsu-Akane's desk.

"What's true, Ukyou?"

"That all you need to do if you're cursed is to invoke it to avoid being pregnant?"

"Can you explain how the curse can let you stay pregnant while changing your sex?" Tetsu-Akane asked.

"No, I can't," Ukyou said. "It doesn't seem reasonable."

"Then it must be true, right?" Tetsu-Akane said. She then sighed and went back to work on her okonomiyaki.

"You gonna tell Ranma about those two?" Ukyou asked.

"No, they didn't do any real harm."

"They manged to turn me on and all did was watch them work on you, Sugar. "You don't count that as damage?"

"Well...right now...I'm a guy but I'm really a girl..."

"So it doesn't matter?"

"No, not really," Tetsu-Akane said in a voice quivering with doubt. "It came to nothing so it isn't a problem - at least not yet."


End file.
